Project Seduce Mr Whitlock
by rmhale
Summary: Edward's life changed the moment he walked into his senior history class. His boring life was turned upside down by his gorgeous teacher and now it was his mission to seduce an unsuspecting Mr. Whitlock. E/J pairing, contains male slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I had this rolling around in my head and had to get it down so I could work on my other story. Please let me know what you think and hit the review button **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the dream that Robert Pattinson will wake up next to me one day!**

EPOV

Today was the day that the dance finally came to an end. School was about to let out for the winter break and my resolve was about to snap. This game had gone on for the first half of the year and the time had finally come for me to stake my claim.

I took extra care in my appearance t. My wild and crazy hair looked extremely sexed up and the way it haphazardly stuck out everywhere made my emerald eyes smolder. My pale skin was played up by my crimson lips and my clean shaven jaw that had sent many a girl into a tizzy. I was told on many occasions that it made you want to lick it from my chin up to my ear and I certainly hoped that was the case for him.

I wore dark denim jeans that hung low on my waist, only held up with a wide leather brown belt. My shirt was a white tee that was a bit more fitted than what I normally wore to school, but I knew it would accent the muscles of my chest and my tight abs. The edges of my tattoo were sticking out from under my sleeve and, hopefully, that teasing glimpse would drive him wild. I had seen hints of ink when he rolled up his sleeves and I couldn't wait to fucking see what hidden treasures were under his clothes.

I slipped on my well worn chucks and was out the door. As I drove to school, I played my 'music to fuck to' playlist, not that I had ever fucked anyone, but it was nice to dream. I had to get myself in the mindset or I would chicken out, and there was no way I was walking out of there today without the taste of him on my tongue in one way or another.

I thought back to when I walked into the first day of my senior year. Everything was the same as always. Jessica, Lauren and Tanya still dressed like sluts and threw themselves at me as soon as I walked into the building. It was a well known fact that I preferred men, but they just wouldn't take the hint. They were bound and determined to make me see 'the light' and had offered there supposed mind-blowing bedroom prowess on many occasions. Even if I were straight, I wouldn't touch those nasty whores with a ten foot pole.

I walked up to Emmett and while we put our shit into our lockers we compared schedules to see which classes we had together. Emmett was my very best friend and had been since we were kids. He was the first person I came out to and was there when I told my parents. They were 100% supportive of me and it wasn't long after that when I told the rest of our friends and pretty soon the whole school knew. I think the girls actually went through a period of mourning or some shit. The skank brigade wore black for a week and had since been plotting on how to get me in bed and turn me straight. _Not gonna happen, bitches!_

Alice, my baby sister, was a junior and Emmett's girlfriend, Rosalie, was a senior like us. The four of us were inseparable. Emmett and I found out we had Calculus, English and athletics together. For the rest of the day, we were on our own. I headed to my first class, science was such a joke to me, but at least I didn't have to have a lab partner because the class was uneven. I went through the rest of the day like a fucking robot, so ready to get to my last class and be done with it. After athletics I headed to my history class and that was when my world was flipped upside down.

_I was sitting at my desk in the front of the class, looking down at my notebook and doodling random shit when I was hit with this intoxicating smell. The delicious aroma of coffee, vanilla and spice hit my nose and made my dick spring to life. 'What the fuck?' I thought and I willed the erection to go away. I looked up to see who had caused the party in my pants and, 'oh my fuck', was the only coherent thought I could form._

_The most vibrant, cerulean eyes were staring right at me, piercing my soul with their intensity. His gorgeous, honey colored face was framed with beautiful, wheat curls that were begging to be touched. When I looked down at his mouth, two perfectly formed red lips were parted in a small 'oh'. I could already see that mouth wrapped around my cock and I slammed my eyes shut, willing the images to go away._

_When I opened my eyes again, his eyes were no longer locked with mine. He stood in the front of the class to introduce himself, and I finally got to hear him speak._

"_Hello class, I am Mr. Whitlock. Welcome to US History and while I know that this subject falls under one of the least favorites, I promise to do all I can to make it interesting for you." He spoke in a smooth, rich voice that caressed my body with each word that came out of his sensual mouth. 'I could tell him what he could do to make it interesting for me,' heh heh heh….my inner pervert chuckled to me._

'_Calm down Edward, he is your fucking teacher!' I told myself over and over again. While he stood up there and spoke to us about what to expect this year, I slowly began to memorize his features. His face was exquisite and his jaw was strong - I caught a glimpse of his silky tongue moving behind his gleaming white teeth as he spoke. His throat was long and slender and I could picture my mouth sucking his Adam's apple and then I would dip my tongue into the hollow between his collar bones. I followed the long planes down his torso to the waistband of his pants. I had never been so jealous of a pair of khakis in my entire life. I let my eyes wander down to his shoes and then all the way back up._

_When I got back to his face, the crystal blue eyes were concentrated on me and I knew I had been caught. I looked right back at him and smirked and then looked back down at my desk. Trying to get my wits about me, I brought myself back to reality. _

_He was my teacher._

_I was his student._

_He probably wasn't gay, but even if he was, nothing could happen._

_He had to be at least 6-10 years older than me. _

_IT WAS WRONG!!!!_

_The thoughts were flying around my head and even though I knew that my desire for him was irrational, I also knew that I had never wanted to touch someone so desperately in my entire life. As I left the classroom, I came to one conclusion……I was utterly fucked!_

Thus began the three months of torture that had made me come to this decision. I was so ready, school and consequences be damned. I only hoped that I was not alone in my desire. I had seen the way he looked at me. When he thought no one was watching, his eyes would follow me and I could feel the electric lust that permeated the air in between us. I could feel his stare on me while I worked at my desk and it made me crazy.

Last month I got a little bolder in making my intentions to him known. I knew I was taking a risk, but I didn't give a rat shit anymore. The desire exploded through every pore in my body every time I was around him and I felt like I would spontaneously combust.

_I was at my desk and had just finished with my test when I decided to fuck with him a little. I pulled a candy stick out of my bag and started to suck on it. I was so nervous that I couldn't bring myself to look at him, sitting at his desk in front of me. I slowly licked it up and down, paying extra attention to the top and made sure to wrap my tongue around it more than once. I closed my eyes and imagined it was his cock in my mouth and my actions got a lot bolder, the licking got even faster. I was hard as a rock and knew I would have to rub one out after class, but it didn't matter to me at that moment. _

_My eyes flew open when I heard a pencil snap in the quiet room. He was looking at me with a fiery intensity that blazed in his eyes. I stopped what I was doing and looked right back at him. Then I saw his jaw grow taut and his eyes started to smolder with anger._

"_Mr. Cullen, there will be no food or drinks in my classroom from now on! That goes for all of you, now finish your exams please." He said in a tight, furious voice. Then he looked back down at his desk and I got up to throw the stick away. Feeling extra daring, I walked up to the trash can next to his desk, dropped it in there, leaned over to him and whispered by his ear, "Sorry Mr. Whitlock, it won't happen again." Then I reached down and adjusted my dick and walked back to my desk._

_My heart was beating a million miles per minute, I couldn't believe I had the fucking guts to do it. I looked up at him one more time and he had another poor pencil in a death grip and looked like he was whispering words to himself._

Never in my seventeen years had I been as nervous as I was on that day. I went to the bathroom right before his class and nearly got sick, but knew that if I didn't do anything, he most certainly never would. All of the bad things that could happen went through my mind.

_He could lose his job. I could get expelled. He could get arrested. We could be one of those trashy tabloid stories. The worst one of them all was that he would reject me and that is the one thing on the list that I knew would break me. If that were to happen I may not recover._

I gave my head a good shake, rinsed my face and headed to class and to the single-most important moment of my life. I walked into the room, sat at my desk and kept my eyes on him the entire time. I knew he could feel my gaze upon him and he was actually brave enough to meet my lustful stare a few times.

I watched as he unbuttoned his collar as he walked back and forth, telling us about the Civil War. He kept losing his train of thought and I hoped and prayed that it was because of me. My dick had been standing at attention the entire period and when he looked over at me, I gave him a seductive look while I reached down and slid my hand down my cock to adjust myself. He swallowed, visibly, and sat down at his desk.

When the final bell rang, I gathered my things very slowly and when I was the last one left I walked to the door and shut it. He looked up at me and watched my hand reach out and lock it. Then I turned back towards him, dropped my backpack on the ground and sauntered to his desk.

With almost fearful eyes and a wavering voice he looked up at me and gasped harshly, "Edward, what are you doing? Are you insane?" I stopped at his desk and stood behind him. I could hear his heavy breaths escaping his lips and I closed my eyes and put my hands on his shoulders. I leaned into him, put my mouth on his ear lobe and whispered quietly, "What does it look like I'm doing Mr. Whitlock – I am doing what I have wanted to do since the first time I saw you."

I ran my tongue around the shell of his ear and heard him moan out in pleasure. He leaned his head to the side, giving me more access to his long, slender throat. Burying my nose in his throat, I inhaled the sweet vanilla and cinnamon scent that had been haunting my senses for the past few months. My tongue chartered a path up his neck to the soft spot behind his ear and I sucked, hard. My face then rubbed along his amber colored curls and I reached out to touch them. They were as soft as I knew they would be and I couldn't wait to grab onto them while I kissed him repeatedly.

Mr. Whitlock was making the most sensual sounds, and they shot straight to my cock. I ground my dick into the back of his chair to get just a little bit of friction and a loud groan escaped my lips as well. All of a sudden, he jumped up, turned around and grabbed my hands, pinning them to my sides.

"You have to stop this," he rasped. "Please, you have no idea what you are doing…." He turned those stormy, blue eyes to me and they were filled with lust and sorrow.

My eyes locked with his and I could see the silent pleading in his gaze as he waged a war within. I was the north and he was the south, the battle line had been drawn. It was an invisible line and I had every intention of crossing it and making him surrender to me. With that thought in my head I leaned forward, never breaking eye contact and licked his lower lip. He tasted like fucking heaven and hell all at once. Heaven because it was the sweetest nectar to ever lay upon my tongue and hell because it was so illicit.

That was all it took for him to cave and in one magical instant, all my dreams came true. He growled, "Fuck it," and smashed his lips into mine. The inferno that had been nothing but a pile of embers was now racing through every vein in my body as our mouths parted. His silky, soft tongue swept the interior of my mouth and as mine danced with his, we both moaned in unison. His strong, slender hands grabbed my hair and held me in place as he devoured my mouth over and over again.

He groaned into my mouth, "You taste so fucking good…I want to taste every inch of your creamy skin with my tongue. Do you want that, Edward?" I ground my dick into his and gasped, "Fuck yes I want that…but more than anything, Mr. Whitlock, I want your beautiful cock in my mouth and I want to swallow every last drop as you cum down my throat."

"Fuuuccckkkk," he groaned as he ripped the shirt over my head and attacked my neck with brutal force. His tongue and teeth marked and tasted every bit of my throat. I felt his nails scrape down my back and dig into my ass.

He swept the desk clean with one hand and bent me backwards over it. He licked and nipped at my chest and made his way to my nipple where he bit down slightly, causing me to buck up against him. He crawled up on top of me as I leaned back with my elbows on the desk and straddled me.

"It's my fucking turn, Mr. Whitlock," I whispered into his ear as my hands found the buttons of his shirt. I started to unbutton them, but it was taking to fucking long, I needed to feel him against me so bad. _Screw it, _I thought as I ripped the shirt apart and the buttons went flying everywhere. We struggled to get that and his undershirt off, once his torso was naked and our naked skin touched, it was pure bliss. I buried my face in his neck and kissed my way down to his chest, loving the sounds he made for me. It was like my own personal symphony of Whitlock and it drew me in and held me there.

I licked a trail across his collar bones and stopped to lick the hollow, it was even better than my fantasies. He was perfect in every way and if we were going to hell for this, it would be worth it 100% in the end.

I jumped up off of him and he looked up at me with confusion in his honey-kissed features. I pulled him up to me and kissed him once again. The passion he had when our mouths were joined was mind-blowing. I knew then, that no other man would ever light my soul on fire the way he did.

"Please…" I said to him, "I need to do something." I walked around him and stood behind him. His back was muscled and had a light caramel tone to it. There was a tattoo going down both sides of his spine in thick, black Latin words. He was breath taking. Walking up to him, I started to kiss his shoulder blade and I felt his breath hitch. I trailed my tongue all the way across to his spine and repeated it with the other side. I lightly bit his neck, where it meets his spine and grasped his hips.

I ran my nose all the way up and down his tattoo and lightly bit him from one hip to the other. "What does it say?" I whispered. I heard him whisper to me, "My brother's keeper."

I reached around the front and undid his belt buckle and top button. The fear I had in not knowing what I was doing was trying to come to the surface, but I kept it at bay.

_I know I can do this and it will be wonderful. He will be wonderful and I have nothing to be afraid of._

I slowly stood up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He turned in my arms and claimed my mouth as his once again. While his lips were keeping up an assault on mine, his hands quickly rid me of my pants. He whimpered out loud when he realized I had no boxers on. My pants and shoes ended up in a pile by the desk and then Mr. Whitlock did the unexpected.

He gingerly lowered himself to his knees in front of me and whispered, "Fucking beautiful," as he took my cock in his mouth.

"Ahhh...fuuccckkkk," I groaned out loud. I had never had a blow job before and my hand coupled with lube had nothing on Mr. Whitlock's hot, wet mouth. He looked up at me through those long, brown lashes and winked before he started to bob his head back and forth. My hands gripped his hair and he moaned around my dick. I nearly came right then, but held back for a bit more. He licked my shaft from base to tip and then he lifted my dick and took my balls in his mouth.

"Holy. Fuck." I shouted. Watching him suck me off made my knees weak with want for the gorgeous man in front of me. I couldn't believe Mr. Whitlock's mouth was around my cock! He pulled back for a minute, looked up at me and stuck his finger in his mouth. He sensuously moved it in and out until it was good and slick and then dove right back in to sucking my dick. I felt him reach around to my ass and I felt that slippery, wet finger tracing around my hole.

_Holy shit, what is he going to do?_

Then, I felt that finger slip into my ass and I came hard into his mouth with no warning. The jets of cum burst from my dick in thick spurts down his throat and wouldn't you know he swallowed every bit of it. I was panting hard as I came down from my post-orgasmic high and I pulled him to his feet. I attacked his mouth with exuberance and was shocked to taste myself on his tongue. It was so hot!

I pushed him down on the desk and pulled his pants off of him next. It was my turn to see if all the pornos I had been watching were going to pay off. I stepped in between his legs and leaned over him. Our skin was slick with sweat and touched everywhere from chest groin, I wanted to capture that feeling to take with me when this was over. A wave of sadness threatened to overtake me as I thought about this being the only time we would ever be together.

I leaned down and gently kissed his swollen, red lips and slowly built up the ecstasy that simmered below the surface. As we lay there kissing over and over again, my dick sprang to life once again. I slid my erection along his and he started grinding my hips as he groaned, desperate for friction and a release.

I kissed my way down his body, licking every bead of sweat along the way. He was sweet and salty all at once and it was ambrosia on my tongue. I swirled my tongue in his belly button and then kissed my way down the soft, blond hairs that led the way to what I desired the most.

I sat down in the chair in front of him and proceeded to nuzzle my nose into his sack and lick it from back to front. He grabbed my hair and gasped loudly, "Oh God, Edward, fuck!"

I took that as a good sign and licked him from base to tip, just like had had done me. Then I grabbed the base of his shaft and tentatively flicked my tongue on the head of his dick. I licked the pre-cum from his slit and wrapped my mouth around him. I got my mouth good and wet so that this would be good for him. I coated his cock with my spit and I dragged my mouth up and down it. He was grunting and pulling my hair even harder and it was turning me on so much that I started moaning around his dick.

He guided my head up and down his cock and I sucked and swallowed around it as best I could. We continued doing that for a few minutes before I lightly grabbed his balls and started to roll them into my hands. This caused him to slam his dick into the back of my throat and I nearly gagged, but I kept going.

His moans were getting louder and his movements more restless. I knew his orgasm was near and I was ready.

"Fuck, Edward…cumming…" he whimpered out loud. I felt his body start to convulse and felt him shooting into my mouth and I struggled to swallow it quickly. It was definitely something I would have to get used to.

He slowly sat up and I beamed up at him with pride and happiness at being able to bring him to his knees. "Come here, you beautiful boy," he growled at me. I stood up in front of him and he wrapped his arms around me. I do the same and we stay locked in our embrace for a few minutes before he slowly let go.

He leans over to get his clothes and slowly dresses himself. I don't really know what to do, so I do the same. After we are both fully dressed, he turns to gaze at me with a distressed look.

"Edward, I am so sorry. I never should have let this happen," he says softly to me. "It was unforgivable on my part, I am the grown up and I should have known better damn it!" He was practically shouting at the end.

I felt the tears threatening to spill and I didn't know what he wanted me to say. I couldn't listen to him call us a mistake. The anger started to come forth.

"It wasn't a mistake to me Mr. Whitlock, you can call it whatever you want, but not a fucking mistake!"

He put his hand out to me and I flinched away from him. "Don't you fucking touch me unless you mean it, asshole." I spat at him. I started to pace the room and pull at my hair. He made me feel like what we just did was dirty and evil.

"Edward," he calmly said. "I don't think it was a mistake, but it certainly can not happen again. I need you to understand that. I can have you transferred out of my class if it will make it easier on you."

"Fuck you, Mr. Whitlock. If that is what you need to do to clear your conscience then, fuck you. I am not transferring anywhere. I thought you wanted this as bad as I did. Do you not feel the electricity too? Was it all in my head?" The tears I tried to control were now spilling over my cheeks.

"No," he whispered. "It wasn't all in your head, but it was wrong. You are my student. It was a big error in judgment on my part." He put his head in his hands and leaned down on the desk.

"Let me make this easy on you Mr. Whitlock. No one will ever know about this, I will never speak to you again unless it is imperative for class and you can lay your conscience to rest." I slowly walked over to him and leaned down to his ear. I placed my mouth right against him and said," I will remember this day for the rest of my life. You will always be in my thoughts, for you are like the air that I breathe. If I never touch another man for the rest of my life, I will be happy knowing that in this moment, I had it all with you. Goodbye, love."

I leaned over and grabbed my backpack, kissed him softly on the head and walked out the door with my broken heart in hand.

***************************************************************************************A/N: Please review and let me know if you want to hear Mr. Whitlock's POV or should I just leave it where it is. I did not have a beta for this one, so it is probably full of mistakes and for that I am sorry. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Pre-A/N: For those of you who already read this sorry, I am a total screw up…thank you to Sugar Rae for pointing out the fact that Emmett and Rosalie can't be Jasper's siblings and Edward's friends….for the story purposes, Kate and Garrett are Jasper's siblings. That's what I get for typing half asleep and not checking the outline I made.**

**A/N: Holy crap!! You guys blew me away with your reviews….I did a happy dance all day long!!! For a treat, here is Mr. Whitlock's POV….Please keep in my mind I never update this quick….but you guys inspired me to do it. **

**This is the end of the one-shot I rolled around in my head, but I am thinking of making it a mulit-chaptered short story…if you want it, hit that review button and let me know **

**Humongous thanks to my sister Amanda for looking at this and fixing my obvious crap last night. She rocks my world.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but an unhealthy addiction to Starbucks.**

Chapter 2

JPOV

"Beep…beep…beep…beep." I reached out and hit the snooze button, knowing it would give me 7 more minutes of much needed sleep. I drifted back into the land of slumber and was woken up again with the blaring of the stupid alarm. I rolled my lazy ass out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom so I could wake up with some steaming hot water.

I stepped into the shower and let the spray relax my muscles as I laid my head on the tiles. I stood there for a good fifteen minutes before I decided to get my rear in gear. Today was my first day teaching at a new school and I didn't want to be late. I was going to be teaching junior and senior level history to a bunch of high school kids. I wished I had gotten my Ph.D. so that I could teach at the university level because at least students there would care and be taking the course because they wanted to.

I had made a vow to myself that I would get my degree before my 30th birthday and be teaching at a college by then. Until that happened, it was high school for me. I always kept my goal in the back of my mind and the clock was winding down to attain it. I was 26 years old and time was slipping away. I was looking forward to the peace of a small town life for the time being. I left Seattle, a crappy job and a horrid relationship all behind. I decided to accept the position in Forks, Washington and regroup my priorities.

Slipping on a pair of khaki pants and a navy button-down shirt, I had to admit I didn't look like a guy who was that close to 30, but the number was looming out there, like a dark cloud hanging over my shoulder. I walked over to the coffee pot, filled my travel mug and headed out the door. This was going to be a great year for me, I could feel it.

When I arrived at the school and saw the students, I realized just how small this place actually was. It was a big change from Seattle, but I was excited to tackle this new adventure. The classes were smaller and I could have more one-on-one interaction with the students. I might even interest some of them in making a career out of history. The other plus to this small town is that I am sure the population of gay men including yours truly was less than five, so I didn't have to worry about looking for Mr. Right. A relationship holds no interest for me in my life right now.

As I walked the halls, I familiarized myself with the layout of the school. From the lockers, to the gym, to the teachers lounge, it was all close together. I made my way to my classroom and anxiously awaited the arrival of my first class.

The morning flew by pretty quick, but I sure was ready for lunch when it decided to make its way around. I grabbed the bag out of my desk and headed down to the lounge. When I walked it, all the conversation stopped and everyone looked at me. _Oh yeah, I forgot about new guy syndrome._

I smiled at everyone and sat down at a table with two other teachers. I reached out my hand to the woman first, "Hi Ma'am, name's Jasper Whitlock. I am the new history teacher." She reached out and grasped my hand, leaned over a purred, "How nice to meet you Mr. Whitlock. I am Irina Denali, my daughter Tanya is a student here and we are so excited to get some fresh meat in this place. The selection was looking rather stale." She nodded her head towards the other man sitting at the table and I was officially freaked out by her. She let her fingers trail along my hand as she let it go and leaned over just a bit to give me a view of her cleavage. _Great, it begins already. Hopefully she'll get the hint that she wasn't my type._

I turned to the short, balding man next to me and extended my hand and said, "I'm Jasper, pleased to meet you." He looked at me with a tentative smile and said, "Mr. Banner here, I teach biology and chemistry at Forks High. We are glad to have you here." He seemed nice, unlike the she-devil sitting with us.

We made small talk and when I was done, I headed back to await the afternoon kids. I had juniors this morning, and the afternoon would bring the seniors. Of all the kids, they cared the least. They were so ready to get out of here and be done with school. I knew it would be a challenge to keep them entertained this year.

The first afternoon class flew by with no problems. When the bell rang, I dashed out to grab a drink of water and hurried back so I wouldn't be late. I hurried back in and was instantly frozen to my spot. There was a buzz cycling through my entire body and my eyes locked on what the cause was. In front of me was the most incredible specimen of human being I had ever seen, and he was just a boy. Our eyes were locked and I was unable to look away. He had a beautiful head of burnished red hair that looked like it had never seen a brush. It made him look wild and free. His porcelain skin was offset with his brilliant jade eyes. His strong and prominent jaw line was a perfect contrast to his soft, red lips.

He was staring at me just as hard and my mouth fell open in a small gasp. Then that dazzling boy closed his eyes and the spell was broken. I put my hands down on my desk, took a deep breath and walked in front of the class to introduce myself.

"Hello class, I am Mr. Whitlock. Welcome to US History and while I know that this subject falls under one of the least favorites, I promise to do all I can to make it interesting for you." I was so thankful that my voice didn't waver and that they couldn't hear the speed at which my heart was beating. As they moaned and groaned about history, I proceeded to go over the syllabus for the year and let them know what would be expected of them.

_See, I could do this. I could concentrate on class and not on the enticing specimen in the front row. Why did this have to happen now?_

When I finished going over the packet, I felt the whir of electricity and knew without a doubt that his eyes were on me once again. I raised my eyes and felt the current slam into my body once again as our gaze met and held. I knew I had to get a hold of myself, because this feeling was so wrong and let's face it, probably illegal too.

Getting ready to break my stare from his, that little shit did the unexpected, he smirked at me and looked down at his desk. That action sent my compass due north and I had to sit down quick.

_Fucking shit, what the hell do I do now?_

The bell rang and I felt like getting on my hands and knees to thank God that the end of the day was here. He sprinted out the door and I realized that I didn't even know his name. It took awhile to gather my things and head out the door. I was such a mess. I couldn't believe my world was flipped on its access by a boy who was probably in diapers when I was in high school. It was fucking sick!

I drove home and the dread at facing him everyday got stronger and more pronounced the closer I got. I left Seattle to avoid drama and it pounced on me in the form of a teenaged boy. I had yet to meet anyone who made my heart truly beat in 26 years. Why did he have to be the one to do it?

_God, couldn't you have waited until he a little older and maybe in another setting where I wasn't his teacher?_

I walked in the door, threw my briefcase down and laid down on the couch. I didn't even bother to turn on the lights. As I sat there in the dark, the images of his face flashed through my head. His hair, eyes and oh God that mouth. Thinking about those ruby lips made my crotch throb with a serious hard on. I was so stiff, it was actually painful.

_Great, now I have to whack off with images of jail bait in my head._

I reached down into my pants and pulled out my swollen cock. I stroked my self up and down as I pictured that sweet angel on his knees in front of me with his sensual mouth wrapped around my dick.

_And that was all it too, folks._

I came hard and fast all over my stomach. I couldn't believe it only took me about a minute to get off. I could say without question that I was in serious fucking trouble.

The sheer agony of being near my boy, who I now knew as Edward Cullen, was making me a lunatic as the weeks droned on. He was openly gay, which did not help my case, and his presence followed me everywhere. His intoxicating smell filled my nose every time I took a breath. The intensity of his eyes pierced my heart in an everlasting way. They followed me around the classroom constantly and I did my best to ignore him.

I only called on him when it was absolutely necessary and I sped through grading his papers because even his fucking homework smelled like him. I did my Edward-gazing on the sly. I watched him from under my lashes while he worked at his desk. Every time I stared, the current permeated between us and I swear he felt it too. In fact, I knew he did.

The covert watching and gazing went on for the first month and then my boy got a little more obvious in making sure I noticed him. That day nearly killed me. It was test day and I had spent the entire time watching him take his test and twirl his pencil in his mouth. I was in a state of semi-hardness the entire time. As soon as he finished his test, he leaned down into his bag and pulled out a stick of candy. He quietly pulled the wrapper back and then he started to suck.

_Oh holy fuck me…he is not…yes he is!_

My dick just sprang to life as I watched him lick the stick up and down with excruciating slowness. His little, pink tongue would come out when he got to the end and wrap around it. I felt the pre-cum start to leak from my cock and I reached down to run my hand down it to give it a little well-deserved friction.

_Oh God, it felt so fucking good._

When he closed his eyes I nearly lost it and was ready to pull my cock out right then and there. I knew I couldn't grab my dick, so I grabbed a pencil instead. My breath was coming out in little pants as he licked the candy faster and harder. I was dying a slow death while I dreamed that it was my stick he was sucking on. I couldn't fucking handle anymore and I snapped the pencil in half. His lustful eyes shot up and looked at me. He knew exactly what he was doing and my passion slowly ebbed as fury took over.

"Mr. Cullen, there will be no food or drinks in my classroom from now on! That goes for all of you, now finish your exams please, "I grated out in anger. I sat there as my cock slowly deflated and I saw him get up and head towards my desk.

_Oh no, please don't come up here, I might grab you and fuck you on my desk._

He leaned down and dropped the candy into the trashcan, then put his mouth close to my ear and whispered, "Sorry Mr. Whitlock, it won't happen again." Then he reached down where I could see him, put his hand on his dick and adjusted it. I let out a low, inaudible moan and goose bumps erupted all over my body.

I grabbed another pencil from my desk and held onto it like it was the only thing that could save me. I wanted to taste his sweet mouth and images of me in an orange jumpsuit behind bars flashed through my mind. That worked to extinguish the flames.

When I got home that night, I had my very first breakdown over the whole situation. I sat in my bed and thought about him and the inferno he stoked in my body. It was so unfair that a child had awakened the passion in my soul. My throat started to constrict as I thought about the possibilities I would miss out on because he was merely a student.

I didn't understand. I was a good man and I always made good choices. The choice on whom I could possibly love for the rest of my life was taken out of my hands and I might never feel this strongly again.

A lone tear escaped my eye and I shuddered. I had always believed in God and the path he chose for my life, never questioning it, until now. Maybe this was my punishment for what I was, even though I buried those awful words, they were still in my subconscious.

_I sat in front of my mother and father after I told them I was gay, the silence was so thick you could cut it. Then my daddy, whom I have always loved and respected above all others, told me, "Get out of my house, Jasper. Go and never come back."_

_I couldn't believe my ears, "What are you saying, dad? You never want to see me again?" My voice broke as I looked over at my mother. She had tears running down her face and was looking down into her lap._

"_You know how I feel, Jasper. Faggots have no place in our home and you may not call me father ever again," he told me in a fit of rage. "Queers go to hell, you will go to hell and I will not be there to watch you lead a life that takes you there. So. Get. Out. Of. My. House. Now!"_

_I was sobbing and hyperventilating by this point and I plead with my mother, "Please don't let him do this momma, I love you…Please!" I cried as I threw myself at her feet. I felt her fingers tangle in my hair and she leaned down and whispered, "I am so sorry my son. I love you with all my heart, but you need to go." She gave me one last kiss and excused herself._

_I got up and walked out the door, having never felt so alone in my life. I lost my family because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut._

I thought that was the worst moment of my life and I had thought wrong,battling the feelings I had for Edward was far worse.

Things were relatively calm for the next month. He kept his staring to a minimum and there were no more suggestive candy instances. I tried my hardest not to look at him at all and I was pretty pleased with how well I had been doing. Winter break was fast approaching and I was ready for a much needed De-Cullenization. He ruled my thoughts and I was escaping to visit my sister, Kate and her husband Garrett, in Texas. She was also banished from the home for sticking by me and loving me no matter what. I know it was hard on her because she was always Daddy's little girl, but she loved me and refused to turn on me.

As I got myself ready for the last day before the break, I was almost giddy. I was so glad to be leaving Forks and Edward. The excitement was evident in everything I did that morning, making a big balloon of happiness that surrounded me. Little did I know that by then end of the day, that balloon would burst.

The morning classes flew by, we were doing a quick review of the Civil War. I hoped it would stay in there minds a little bit so we could finish tackling it when classes returned. I spent my lunch period getting the loose ends tied. I was getting more and more anxious for 3:00 and was ready to go by the time last period hit.

We spent the period doing much of the same. We reviewed the Civil War and talked about the next semester. I was starting to get more and more uncomfortable because I could feel Edward's eyes on me.

_Damn it, why did he have to do it today?_

I thought maybe it was my imagination, that my body was reacting to that fact that I would not see him for a few weeks, but when I looked up I knew that wasn't the case. His sultry stare sent my heart into overdrive and I had to unbutton my collar so I could breathe. I looked over at him a few times and the intensity of his gaze never changed. I stood behind my desk and looked at him one more time and holy shit, he reached down and touched his dick! I swallowed hard and dropped into my chair before the entire class saw my cock paying homage to the hard-on master.

When the final bell rang, I blew out a breath and laid my head on my desk. I was so thankful that the day was over. I tried to calm myself down so I could leave when I heard it. The door shut and it sounded like a shot had rung out. I picked up my head and there was my beautiful boy, smoldering. He slowly reached out to lock the door and my mind went into a frenzy.

_Holy shit, what the fuck is he doing? Oh my God, I am not strong enough to resist him, please give me the strength to do the right thing._

The fear and anxiety coursed through my veins as he walked over to my desk. I prayed for strength one more time as I asked him harshly, "Edward, what are you doing? Are you insane?" He ignored my words and walked over to stand behind me. My chest was heaving and I tried to catch my breath as I felt his hands upon my shoulders. It ignited my blood and weakened my resolve. Then I felt his warm breath on my ear as his lips got closer. He placed his mouth against me and whispered, "What does it look like I'm doing Mr. Whitlock – I am doing what I have wanted to do since the first time I saw you."

My pants were about to burst and I hadn't even touched him yet. He ran his silky tongue around the shell of my ear and I couldn't stop the throaty moan that escaped my mouth. My head leaned over into him and he buried his nose in my neck and inhaled. I was buzzing from the top of my head down to the ends of my toes. He dragged his tongue up my neck and I tried my best to stay still. I willed my body to be stronger than the emotions but they were winning.

He stopped right behind my ear and sucked my skin, hard. I ached for a release that would be immoral should it come to fruition at the hands of this boy. His slender fingers played with my hair and I couldn't stop the groans from escaping. I felt him pull tight against my chair and then the most seductive moan escaped from his throat.

_Oh shit, I have to stop this. I need to do it now!_

I jumped up and grabbed his arms, pinning them to his sides. That was a huge mistake, putting my hands on his skin branded me as his, forever. I tried to catch my breath as I rasped, "You have to stop this. Please, you have no idea what you are doing…" I met his vivid malachite eyes and plead in silence. We battled one another with our wills and neither gave in.

His gaze never left mine as he leaned forward very carefully. His velvety tongue came out of his mouth and he licked my lower lip. The road to hell was paved with Edward Cullen and I realized it was a path I couldn't diverge from.

"Fuck it," I growled as I slammed my mouth to his. My lust took over and my brain shut down. His mouth was like warm satin and I was anxious to taste it all. My tongue slipped into his mouth and when they slid along each other, we both groaned into each other. It was raw and hungry and I devoured his perfect lips.

"You taste so fucking good…I want to taste every inch of your creamy skin with my tongue. Do you want that, Edward?" I groaned into his mouth. He slammed his pelvis into mine and rubbed our dicks together. I almost came from the friction, but I wasn't done yet. He pulled back and in a harsh whisper said, "Fuck yes, I want that…but more than anything Mr. Whitlock, I want your beautiful cock in my mouth and I want to swallow every last drop as you cum down my throat."

His words lit my body ablaze and I threw my head back while I moaned, "Fuuuccckkk," out loud. I tore the shirt from his lithe body and used my teeth to mark him as my own. I left bites and scraped all along the column of his neck and I didn't care. He was mine and I was his. That thought made me grip him tighter as my nails drug down his back and then I gripped his ass.

I knocked all the shit off my desk with one hand and bent that beautiful boy over it. I licked and nipped at his chest and then crawled on top of him. It was my wildest fantasy come true to fuck on my desk, and images of pounding into him ruled my thoughts. I knew there would be no sex today, but he would be the one I wanted over my desk when the time came.

He reached up and pulled my head down. He whispered, "It's my fucking turn, Mr. Whitlock," right into my ear. Hearing him call me 'Mr. Whitlock' made my cock strain that much harder. He tried to unbutton my shirt, but got impatient and ripped the fucker open. He turned me the fuck on with every agile movement he made.

We struggled to get my shirts off, anxious to feel our skin touch. Our bodies exploded when they collided and he buried his face into my neck. We were now flipped and he was on top of me. My body sang for him as he kissed his way down, he paid homage to my collar bones and then continued his silken assault on my torso. My eyes closed and I was in heaven.

All of a sudden I felt his warmth leave me and I looked at him with confusion. He pulled me up and kissed me with all his might and his brand continued to mark my soul.

"Please…" he rasped, "I need to do something." I felt him walk to stand behind me, his breath making my quiver in anticipation for what was to come. Mt breath hitched when I felt him kiss my shoulder. Then he trailed his wet mouth across my back and kissed the other side. He was so perfect. He bit my neck as he grabbed my hips. I groaned.

I felt him run his nose up one side of my spine and down the other, breathing in my skin as he went. It was so erotic, better than any fantasy I have ever had. He nipped me all the way across from one hip to the other and I was dying to put my hands back on him. I needed to feel him.

He quietly asked me, "What does it say?" Oh fuck, he was nuzzling my tattoo. I whimpered back, "My brother's keeper." I hoped he would leave it at that, and I knew he would when I felt his hands at my belt. He undid my belt and the button on my pants. My cock was begging to be freed, but I wanted this moment to be for him. I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. I turned to face him and lost myself in the rapture of his mouth. While our lips were joined I quickly undid his belt and pulled his pants down.

_Fucking shit, he's going commando, kill me now. Please_

His dick was just as beautiful as the rest of my boy. It stood proudly at attention and the glistening head was practically weeping for me. I lowered myself to my knees in front of him and hissed, "Fucking beautiful, "as I took him into my mouth.

My angel groaned out loud, "Ahhh…fuuuccckkk." That sound sent my mouth into a fury. I gazed up at him through my lashes and winked at him. He gripped my hair as I sucked him up and down and moaned around his shaft. I lifted him up and licked him from base to tip and then took his balls into the wet, satin heat of my mouth.

He screamed, "Holy. Fuck."

_I'll show him holy fuck…._

I pulled back and looked up at him with all the adoration and passion I had for him and stuck my finger into my mouth. I made a show of licking it up and down, twisting it as I went, much like the candy stick. When it was slick and wet, I started sucking him once again and slipped my hand around to his ass. I slowly circled his sweet hole and I felt him tense. I slipped it into his ass and felt him convulse as cum erupted from his dick. He tasted so good and I swallowed every last drop.

He reached down and pulled me to him. He attacked my mouth with his and the taste of him on my lips only added to the perfect taste our mouths generated. He pushed me down on the desk and rid me of my pants. He stepped in the juncture of my legs and laid his slick, warm body on mine.

He kissed me, slowly this time. It felt like he was making love to my mouth and my heart constricted for a moment. We kissed over and over again and I felt him harden against me. I was so desperate for friction that I ground my hips against his, groaning as my hips rolled into his.

He started to kiss his way down my torso, licking my scorching skin along the way. He swirled his tongue in my navel and kissed the trail of hair that led to where I was aching for him. He sat down in my chair and buried his nose in my sack, then he licked it from back to front. I reached down and grabbed the bronze mess and gasped, "Oh God, Edward, fuck!"

He proceeded to give me the best blow job of my life, everything was mind-blowing because it was my beautiful boy loving me. He was shy and tentative at first, but once he licked the pre-cum from my head, he was timid no more. He wrapped his mouth around me and he was so warm and wet. He worked my cock with his lips, up and down, repeatedly. I grunted and moaned while I pulled his hair even harder, making him moan around me. I held his head and set the speed that would get me there, because I was going to die if I didn't cum soon.

He started to swallow around me and I tried hard not to buck into his mouth; he was amazing. I felt him grab my balls and slowly roll them in his hand and I thrust straight up. I almost pulled him away, but he kept sucking me without missing a beat.

_I'm a lucky fucking bastard. He is everything and more. He is the one._

I started to lose my cool and my movements became frantic as my orgasm loomed. When the searing hot light flashed through my veins I whimpered, "Fuck, Edward…cumming…", as I came in wave after wave into his mouth.

I slowly sat up and looked at him. Edward's eyes were bright and shiny and a huge smile lit up his face. It made me want him all over again. "Come here, you beautiful boy," I growled. He stood up in front of me and I wrapped my arms around him, not ever wanting to let go. He slipped his around me as well and we stayed there, wrapped up in each other.

_What do I do now? I have to let him go, this was so wrong. He is not mine to have._

My heart was cracking while I stood there and I prayed for the strength to get through the next few minutes. I gingerly let him go and got dressed. I kept my gaze averted as I waited for him to do the same. I was swallowing back the emotion and willed my resolve to be strong.

When he finally had all his clothes on, I turned to him and his features fell when he saw my face. I took a deep breath and forced the words out of my mouth.

"Edward, I am so sorry. I never should have let this happen," I called out softly. I put more force into my words, getting pissed at myself for taking advantage of his feelings. "It was unforgivable on my part, I am the grown up and I should have known better damn it!" I was practically shouting at him by now.

I saw his eyes start to glisten and if he cried, I wouldn't be able to do this. His eyes slowly filled with anger and he unleashed it on me. "It wasn't a mistake to me Mr. Whitlock, you can call it whatever you want, but not a fucking mistake!"

I was close to losing the battle and telling him it would be ok, it would work out. I knew that would never happen, but I didn't want him to think he was a transgression on my part. I reached out a hand to him and he flinched. "Don't you fucking touch me unless you mean it, asshole, "he yelled at me. I watched my beautiful boy start to pace the room and pull at his unruly hair. My fingers ached to be buried there once more. I tried to stay calm, for both our sakes.

"Edward, I don't think it was a mistake, but it certainly can not happen again. I need you to understand that. I can have you transferred out of my class if that will make it easier on you." I felt physically sick at the thought of not seeing him every day, but I would do it for him.

He looked at me and spat with fury as the tears rolled down his face, "Fuck you, Mr. Whitlock. If that is what you need to do to clear your conscience then, fuck you. I am not transferring anywhere. I thought you wanted this as bad as I did. Do you not feel the electricity too? Was it all in my head?"

I couldn't handle it anymore, he was slashing my body with his words and I was in severe pain. Life as I knew it would never be the same for me. For his sake I would be honest and tell him.

"No," I whispered. "It wasn't all in your head, but it was wrong. You are my student. It was a big error in judgment on my part." I placed my head in my hands and laid it on the desk.

I heard him walk closer to me and I braced myself for the onslaught, "Let me make this easy on you Mr. Whitlock. No one will ever know about this, I will never speak to you again unless it is imperative for class and you can lay your conscience to rest." The tears were spilling onto my desk, but I wouldn't let him see.

Then he put his mouth on my ear and whispered, "I will remember this day for the rest of my life. You will always be in my thoughts, for you are like the air I breathe. If I never touch another man for the rest of my life, I will be happy knowing that in this moment, I had it all with you. Goodbye, love."

I heard him grab his backpack, then I felt his lips on the back of my head and he walked out the door.

_He called me love….oh my God…._

I let the emotion finally overtake me and I prayed for the strength to do the right thing. He walked out with a piece of my soul and I was never going to get it back.

I gathered my stuff and walked out to my car as the silent tears coursed down my face.

_Goodbye….love…._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: First of all I want to give a huge thank you to Darkira who took time out of her horribly busy schedule to beta this for me, she rocks in purple socks!!**

**Thanks to my sis Amanda for fixing my crap.**

**You guys have blown me away with your reviews, I am glad you want me to continue, so keep them coming, they make me write faster and dance a happy dance.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but a ridiculous addiction to caffeine!**

* * *

Chapter 3

EPOV

I walked out of the room, out of the school and slowly got into my car. Sitting in the parking lot I tried to will the tears to stop falling so that I could go home and have my breakdown there. I was so stupid and naïve to believe that something like this would change everything.

_What did you think he would do, Edward? Tell you he was willing to carry on in secret and put it all on the line for a kid?_

It was idiotic on my part to try and seduce my teacher. God, if my mom knew what I was doing, she would be devastated. She had always supported me in all aspects of my life and never made me feel like I was any less of a person when I came out to her, but I knew she would never condone this. As I looked back, I knew I never should have done it, but then, I didn't think it would go as far as it did.

I felt guilty once again. There are things that are wrong and then there are things that are _wrong!_ This fell under the latter. _What the hell was I thinking?_ He was so wonderful in that moment. It was everything my wildest fantasies had conjured up and so much more. I couldn't believe I was brave enough to actually pull the scenario off, but I now wished I would have chickened out.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and there was Mr. Whitlock, walking to his car. He was disheveled and his head hung down. He was visibly upset and that made me feel even worse. He was probably wondering if I was really going to tell someone, or if his job was safe. I was so tempted to go to him and tell him I would take this to my grave if need be, but I was terrified of what I would do if we actually came face to face. I watched him get into his car drive off. It felt like part of me went with him.

I finally started the car and headed home, my mom was probably wondering where the hell I was. Pulling into the garage, I took a deep breath and headed in. Knowing that I looked like crap, I tried to make a beeline for the stairs so I could get washed up before my mother saw me. Her back was to me when I walked in; she was in the kitchen making dinner. I ached for her to hold me and tell me it would all be okay, but if I asked her to, she would know something was wrong.

"Oh hey sweetheart, I was wondering if you went to Emmett's or something and forgot to tell me. I was about to call you, dinner will be ready…" She let out a loud gasp, "Oh my God, Edward, baby what happened to you?"

She dropped her spoon and ran over to me, putting her hands on my face and my tears started flowing once again.

Turning my face to the side she cried out, "Edward…your neck? Oh baby, are you okay? Oh my God, were you attacked? Oh sweetie, let's get you to a hospital…" Suddenly there were tears falling down her cheeks.

I pulled her hands down and said, "Mom, I wasn't attacked, I am okay, I promise."

"_Okay_, Edward? How can this be ok, who did this to you?" Her questions brought Mr. Whitlock to the forefront of my mind and I finally collapsed in her arms.

"Mom, I am so sorry…I did something awful."

She just held me while I tried to calm down, shushing me and rubbing my back over and over in soothing circles.

"I fell in love mom, I fell in love and tried to make them love me too and it didn't work. It backfired on me and I have done nothing but make a royal mess out of everything." I continued to sob into her shirt, soaking the front. I knew I had made a big mistake, the more I thought about it the worse I realized it all actually was.

"Edward, baby look at me," I pulled back and looked into her eyes that were mirror images of mine. "This is not love, honey, love doesn't make someone do this to you. Love is kind and sweet and wonderful. Who did this to you, Edward?"

I knew she wouldn't understand, how could she? That moment was pure and raw passion.

"Mom, I can't tell you, but just know it won't happen again, he doesn't love me back. I am going to head up and take a shower, please don't tell dad, he wouldn't understand."

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, "_I_ don't understand Edward, but you have my word that I won't tell him, for now. Now go wash up baby and dinner will be ready soon."

Trudging toward the stairs I looked back at her and said, "Thanks mom, but I don't think I feel like eating. I love you."

She looked at me with shiny, wet eyes and told me she loved me too. I walked up the stairs and into my bathroom. Looking into the mirror I was shocked at my reflection. _No wonder she thought I was attacked. Holy Shit, he left bite marks all over my neck!_ If I wasn't so upset over the situation, I would have felt like he marked me as his. I knew that wasn't the case, since he made it painfully obvious that it was a lapse in judgment. _It was more than a lapse in judgment, Edward. You broke the law!_

Turning the shower knobs to scalding hot, I climbed in and scrubbed at my skin until it was red and achy. I was trying to wash all of him off of me, maybe then I could forget how much he hurt me in that room. Scouring my skin with a rag, I tried to wiped away his touch and smell. After grabbing the toothbrush I kept in there, I scrubbed out the taste of his silky mouth and warm skin.

As I thought about the perfect combination of these things that made up Mr. Whitlock, I was hard all over again. I reached a soapy hand down to my shaft and stroked furiously, cumming all over the wall. Not wanting to remember what it felt like when he was down there, I hoped that getting myself off would push those memories further back.

Willing myself to get out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and went to my room. I threw on a pair of lounge pants and a long sleeved shirt. Then I crawled into my bed and let my weariness take over, falling asleep with visions of blond curls and sapphire eyes that warmed me like a blanket.

I spent the next two days in my room, refusing to get out of bed. The sadness and absolute anguish at the impossible situation ate at my insides. My mom was so worried about me, but I couldn't bring myself to care. She came in and sat with me every few hours, just stroking my hair and rubbing my back. She knew I needed to be left alone for the time being, but it wasn't easy for her to watch. My cell phone turned off so no one would bother me. I was thankful that my father was working back to back shifts so I didn't have to see him.

I only got out of bed to go to the bathroom and the marks on my neck were now fading to a dark yellow color. Watching them disappear was making the pain stronger and harder to take. It was the last piece of him that I had left and then I would have to pretend like he didn't exist. He would only be my teacher and I would only be his student.

The third day rolled around and my self-induced depression bubble was burst wide open when a booming voice woke me from my sleep.

"All right lazy ass, up and at 'em," with that lovely call, Emmett ripped the covers from my body and tossed me onto the floor.

"What the fuck, Emmett, what are you doing here?" I asked him as I rubbed my ass where it hit the floor.

My mother's stern voice hit me next, "I called him, Edward, and you better watch that language in my house." She glared at me with that 'don't mess with me kid' look and left us alone.

"All right Eddie…tell me who broke your heart and I will give them an ass pounding! Wait, maybe not the right word…" he looked at me with a cheeky grin and I stared back at him warily. "In all seriousness dude, what the fuck is going on? I have been calling you for a few days and your phone goes to voicemail. I emailed you, I text you and nothing. Then, I get a call from your mom and she tells me that you are upset because someone you cared for hurt you and I needed to get you out of your funk."

I put my head in my hands, not quite knowing how to have this talk without breaking my promise to Mr. Whitlock, but I knew I needed Em.

"I am sorry Emmett. I just needed some time to think."

He looked at me with a hurt expression and said, "I thought I was your best friend, Ed. How did I not know that you felt so strongly for someone that they could make you feel like this? I didn't even know you liked anybody."

I opened my mouth to apologize again, but he stopped me.

"Before with have this talk Eddie-boy, you need a fucking shower man, you smell like you rolled through the city dump."

I cracked a smile at that, "I know man, I'm sorry. A shower hasn't been high on my list of priorities." I stood up, stretched and headed for the bathroom.

He pushed me from behind and called out loudly, "Get your stinky ass in the shower and detoxify while I go con your mom into making me some banana pancakes!"

I shook my head and smiled, knowing she heard him and was probably pulling out all the ingredients.

Climbing into the shower I washed my two day old stink off, making a mental note to change my sheets too. Scrubbing out my mouth three times made me feel like a human once again. After dressing, I headed downstairs where I heard my mom and Emmett laughing. I walked into the kitchen and plopped down at the bar. My mom ruffled my damp hair as she put a plate of pancakes in front of me. I looked up at her with a half smile thanked her.

"What the hell Esme? I thought I was your favorite, why did Eddie get his pancakes first?"

"Emmett McCarty! Watch your mouth before I get the soap and wash it out for you, "Mom told him with a stern smile.

I looked over at him and stuck my tongue out.

I hadn't eaten in two days and the pancakes smelled delicious. Attacking them with gusto, I shoveled big bites into my mouth. My mom laughed as I looked up at her with full chipmunk cheeks.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think Emmett was teaching you his lovely eating habits, son." She had a twinkle in her eye as she said that and I felt better seeing her smile.

Emmett tried to look hurt, but it didn't work. We all knew how he ate, and if you wanted to keep your appetite, it was better not to watch him.

After he and I were sufficiently full, we grabbed some coffee and headed to the back porch. I reached over and flicked on the outdoor heaters and we sat in silence for a few minutes. I knew Emmett was waiting for me to start, I just didn't know how.

After we stewed in the silence for a bit, I proceeded to tell him about how long I had a crush, about the subtle flirting and then about the day I actually did something about it. The only thing I left out was the name and location.

Emmett thought for a minute then said, "Why can't you tell me who, Ed? It might make it easier for me to help you."

I looked over at my best friend, hating to lie to him but knowing I had to.

"I wish I could Emmett, but I just can't right now. He hasn't come out and I promised to keep it a secret." That was the best thing I could think of on the fly.

"Well Edward, you know you deserve more than to be someone's closet make-out buddy. Do you guys have any kind of relationship outside of a physical one?"

I snorted at him, "There is no relationship, Em. He wants nothing to do with me."

"Well then, why is this so hard for you? If he is in denial of who he is and he doesn't want to continue anything with you, you need to walk away. If you only hooked up the one time, why are you acting like your dog died?"

I tried to think of a way to make him understand that it was so much more than that.

"Emmett, imagine if Rosalie told you that she didn't want anything to do with you anymore, but you had to see her on a daily basis, how would you feel?"

"You can't compare the two, Edward, I love her. We have a relationship based on more than lust."

I felt my throat start to burn and I whispered to him, "I do love him, Em. I love him and I don't know how to turn that off."

A lone tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek.

I heard Emmett let out a long breath next to me.

We sat there for a minute before he jumped up and yelled, "Fuck him! Fuck him and the horse he rode in on! If you aren't good enough for him and he had to hide the time he spent with you, fuck him, Edward!"

I jumped back and looked at him. He looked like a raving lunatic, walking back and forth, flexing his fists.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized Emmett is a wise man.

I looked over at him and said, "You know what Em, you are right, Fuck him! I don't need that shit, we are getting ready to finish high school and go to college. I will not let this affect all that! We are almost 18 fucking years old…we are coming into our primes. "

"That's right Eddie," he said, grabbing me under his arm and messing up my hair. "There will be plenty of good looking frat dudes for you to chase once we get there, now let's get the fuck out of here and enjoy the rest of this break." He let me go and hugged me.

"Thanks, Emmett, you mean a lot to me," I told him while trying to fix the mess he made out of my hair.

"You know I love you Eddie, but next time you keep secrets from me, I won't hesitate to kick your ass, deal?"

"Deal," I said with a smile.

We spent the rest of the break running around and having a good time. The more time that passed, the stronger my resolve came to put the incident behind me. I was ready for school to be back in session. I would show Mr. Whitlock that I could wipe him under the rug just as easily as he did me. I only hoped my heart listened too.

It was a new semester and a new Edward. No more broken Edward, no more brooding Edward. The new "me" was ready to kick ass and take names. Mr. Whitlock was pushed to the back of my mind and I needed him to stay there so I could be strong enough to put on a face of indifference when we met again.

On the first day back from break, I looked in the mirror before I walked out the door. Hating that I made sure I looked put together from head to toe, I kept telling myself it was for me and no one else. Deep down inside, I knew the truth. Putting on my sunglasses, I made sure my Whitlock armor was in place and headed out the door.

**

* * *

**

**Please hit that review button for me and let me know what you think…what are your theories for these boys? Mr. Whilock's POV is next...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: A big huge, hug filled thank you to Darkira, my fantabulous rockin' beta…I am glad she is there to point out my mistakes and if you aren't reading her story Brand New Start, do it!!**

**Also, if you didn't read this in Chapter 2, thanks to Sugar Rae for pointing out the fact that Emmett and Rosalie couldn't be Edward's friends and Jasper's sister and brother in law…I was tired when I wrote Chapter 2 and didn't look at the outline!! **

**Please see author's note at the bottom…**

**You guys rock my world with your reviews…thank you from the bottom of my slash lovin' heart!!**

* * *

Chapter 4

JPOV

As I watched that beautiful boy walk out of the door and out of my life, I was torn to pieces. There was a horrid feeling that my future just walked out with him, but that wasn't possible while he was still my student. As I heard the door click, an avalanche of emotion tore through my chest. There was a profound sense of loss, but I also felt the fear and apprehension roll off of me in waves.

_That __was__ so fucking wrong, Jasper, you should have been stronger than that. _

I slowly gathered up all my things and walked over to the door, looking around to make sure I didn't leave evidence of mine and Edward's indiscretion behind. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my buttons on the floor. Running over to pick them all up, I made sure I didn't miss any. After placing them in my pants pocket, I zipped up my jacket and headed out to my car, ashamed of myself all over again.

On the way home, a million thoughts flew through my head. The fact that not only was my job in jeopardy, but the possible legal ramifications should anyone find out what happened, filled me with dread. I suddenly pulled the car over to the shoulder, ran to the grass and got sick.

When I pulled up at my house, I ran up the steps and booted up my laptop. The Google window popped up and my heart was racing, with fingers poised over the keyboard, I wondered what to type. Never having been in any type of situation like this before, I didn't know what to search for.

_Do I type student-teacher relationship laws? Do I Google teacher predators? Fuck!_

I ended up searching for laws regarding teachers and students being sexually involved in Washington. There in front of my face, plain as day was the evidence that we had indeed broken the law. My stomach fell all the way down to my feet. If he were eighteen, I could just lose my job, but with him being seventeen I could go to jail.

I felt the rest of my lunch trying to come up and I ran to the bathroom to vomit once again. My head rested on the bathtub with my legs stretched out in front of me. At that moment, moving was not an option. The fear of what was to come kept me bolted in place.

When the fear finally subsided, I got up, brushed my teeth and gargled with Scope.

I felt like the worst kind of monster, because I had essentially taken advantage of the situation. He was slimmer than I was and about two inches shorter, I could have stopped him, it's not like he over-powered me. Basically, I let a minor dictate a situation that I should have put a stop to.

He said he wouldn't tell anyone, but I was terrified that it would come back to bite me. He could have the best intentions, but let's face it, he was just a boy.

_God, it makes me feel so dirty to call him a boy...but he is! A beautiful one, but still a boy..._

I sat there, having stared at my computer for the better part of the night, when my cell phone beeped in my pocket.

"Hello," I answered sullenly.

"Jasper, it's Kate. I was calling to get your flight info so we could come get you in the morning. The kids are so excited to see you," she happily told me. I could see her doing that cute little bounce she had done since we were kids.

I sighed heavily into the phone, "That's great Kate, tell them I can't wait to see them too. I will email you the info..."

"Jazz, what's wrong," she interrupted with a sibling perception she'd had as long as I can remember.

I let out a long, slow breath. "Nothing Katie, just tired. I will see you tomorrow, gotta go now." Hanging up quick, I shut off the phone. There was no way I could tell her what had happened, she would be so disappointed in me and she was all I had.

After typing out a quick email with my flight info, I went to the bathroom to shower. The hot water felt so good, almost cleansing in a way, but there was no way it could wash away my bad deeds. After I got out of the shower and got ready for bed, I crawled under the covers and the images of a gloriously nude Edward ran rampant behind my closed eyes.

_God he looked sexy as fuck when he leaned forward to lick my lower lip...that mouth, the spark...uhhhh, he fucking swallowed..._

My head was burrowed in the pillow, hands grabbing at my hair while I tried to will the images away.

_Fucking snap out of it, pervert...quit thinking about it!_

I couldn't help it, nothing had never felt like that for me before. Everywhere he touched me he lit my skin on fire. He expertly played my body like a prodigy at the piano. It was mind-boggling. Edward was a provocative temptation. He was my own personal tree of forbidden fruit and like Eve, I couldn't resist. It made me feel like the worst kind of sinner, giving into Edward.

I wish I could say that if I had to do it all again, I would say no. Remembering the feel of Edward's hot, slick skin against mine, I wasn't so sure. Thinking about his body grinding on mine, his wet mouth wrapped around me made my cock painfully hard all over again.

_Fuck...you think it would be worn out by now..._

Daydreams of me and Edward, together, flashed behind my eyes. We weren't teacher and student. We were happy and in love. Coming home to each other day after day, giving into our passion night after night.

_It's just that, a dream, asshole. It never can and never will happen._

My chest throbbed once again, and my throat was clenching around the emotion building within. It was almost painful to breathe. I rolled over and tried to get to sleep. There was an early flight to Dallas and I was on it.

When the alarm went off in the morning, I was already up and drinking my coffee. Sleep never came that night all I could think about was Edward. I was ready to get to Texas and try to get all this out of my mind and behind me.

The shuttle that would take me to the airport arrived, so I said goodbye to Forks and the memories along with it. The ride to Seattle was peaceful and I was the only one in the shuttle bus. On the flight, the mimosas were flowing in first class and I took advantage. Trying to close my eyes for a bit, the alcohol and hum of the plane helped lull me to sleep.

When we landed at D/FW airport, the weight started to lift from my shoulders. My nieces were the light of my life and I couldn't wait to see them. Kate always knew what to do to cheer me up, so I knew a trip to Starbucks and Christmas light viewing was in my future. The grin that started to break across my face was most welcome after the last 24 hours.

I missed the days when your family waited outside the gate when you landed, it sure would have been a welcome sight. Bags in hand, I headed to the baggage claim. There, pressed against the glass on the the other side were little Amanda and Haley, leaving face and finger prints on the glass. I loved them so much, my heart filled with happiness at the sight of those two adorable girls. They made everything better.

I went through the revolving door and the screams rang out, "Uncle J, Uncle J!" Then two blond tornadoes tore a path right for me and I got down on my knees to welcome their hugs.

"Oh my, did I miss you two...hmmmm...what were your names again? I can't remember..." They both pulled back with hands on their hips.

"Uncle J, I'm Haley," the older of the girls cried out, stomping her foot. That brought a smile to my face, even at only five years old, she already had an attitude.

Turning to my other niece I pondered, "That's right, so you must be Alexandra? Samantha? Banana?" Her grin got wider and wider with each name that was added.

"Unca J, I Manda," she told me with her two-year old babble.

"Right, how could I have forgotten, I am so sorry. You have to remember, I am an old man..."

Kate put a stop to that quickly. "You better watch it little brother, because then you are calling me old and I am not ready for a walker just yet!"

I looked up at my big sister, smiling into her twinkling eyes, and handed her a pamphlet to an assisted living home. It was a running joke we had about her being closer to thirty than I was.

She whacked me over the head with it and I grabbed her into a huge hug.

"You just had to do it, didn't you?" she asked with a pouty lip.

"Oh no, don't make the face Katie, you know I can't handle that face..." I looked around, and didn't see Garrett. "Kate, where's your better half?"

She smacked my arm for basically calling her the inferior of the two and huffed, "He had to work, but after today, he will be off the rest of the two weeks you are here."

I kissed her on the head and we all headed out to the car. The ride was filled with infectious giggles and stories of pre-school and kindergarten fun. Sleep-deprivation finally started to hit me and in the middle of listening to Haley's playground escapades, I fell asleep.

Kate and Garrett lived in a small suburb between Fort Worth and Dallas. I really missed Texas, but not the crazy weather. It could be 80 degrees one day and snowing the next, not an exaggeration. They lived on some acreage, surrounded by trees. You couldn't see any homes surrounding the property, so it was like being in a secluded cabin. It was relaxing and that is what I needed.

When we got to the house, I excused myself to take a shower and a nap. I went upstairs and heard Kate giving the girls a snack and putting their program on the television. Being alone again was not for the best because Edward was on my mind once again. Sliding down the wall in the bedroom, I sat there with my head in my hands.

"Are you going to talk to me, Jasper?" Kate whispered. "Something is bothering you and I want to be able to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Her arms wrapped around my huddled frame and I leaned into her. She was my rock, and I was terrified to tell her. If she thought less of me as a person, the devastation would eat me alive. Her family was the only family I had left.

"It is so complicated, Katie. Give me some time please, I don't know how to tell you," I offered, laying my head on her shoulder.

"Peanut," she plead, "look at me." Turning my face towards her, she kissed my forehead and met my eyes. "Nothing you could ever tell would make me love you any less. I know you are hurting, please trust me and let me help you." She had called me Peanut since we were kids and it always made me feel safe and loved.

Letting out a long sigh, I dropped my eyes, looking at my feet. "Katie, if you only knew, you may not be so sure. But give me some time, okay?"

"Alright J, just know that I love you and nothing will change that, " she hugged me one last time and left.

After I napped, showered and changed, we spent the rest of the day relaxing. When Garrett got home we had a nice, home-cooked dinner and watched a movie. Kate kept watching me out of the corner of her eye and I just acted like nothing was wrong.

The next day Garrett kept the girls while Kate and I went Christmas shopping. Bringing presents on the plane was not my idea of fun, so we decided to shop while I was there. It was a great day, I had only thought about Edward a handful of times, it was definitely an improvement.

Later that night, Garrett and I were watching ESPN while Kate got the girls bathed and ready for bed. I had always liked Garrett, he was a nice man and a wonderful father. He was part of the reason I was so scared to talk to Kate, they kept no secrets and I knew it would eventually get to him. Not knowing how he would take it, I decided to hold on to my carefully guarded secret for the time being.

"So Jazz," Garrett called out from the kitchen, grabbing some more beers. "You seeing anyone in Seattle yet?"

Rolling my eyes, I hollered back, "Not yet man, I'm so good looking I have to beat them off with a stick! It's hard to choose when there are so many of them."

He laughed out loudly, "You are just as cocky as ever. But seriously Jasper, are you over all the shit that happened before?"

I knew he was talking about Felix. That was a toxic relationship I was so glad to be out of, but it was hard all the same. We were together for three years and Felix hurt me over and over again with lies and betrayal, but like a battered wife, I kept going back. It took me walking in on him fucking one man while another was fucking him in our bed for me to actually see the light.

I knew he was cheating, people told me he was and he admitted it when I asked him. The fights always ended with apologies and pleas for another chance, and like an idiot, I always said yes. Seeing him do it firsthand was the straw that broke the camel's back. I packed my shit, left him and Seattle behind to start over.

Looking over at Garrett I answered as truthfully as I could. "You would think so by now. I don't get upset over it much anymore, but I am no near ready to be in another relationship either."

"I understand Jazz, but have you even tried dating?" He looked around to make sure Kate wasn't around and said, "Maybe you just need to get laid, you know? Or maybe just mess around a little, might be fun."

The beer went down the wrong way when he said '"mess around" and I started coughing and choking. He hit me on the back and asked, "You okay, man?"

"Yeah, sorry, wrong pipe, " I sputtered out between coughs.

_Damn, and I hadn't thought about Edward in a few hours._

"Sorry Jazz, didn't think sex talk would choke you up," he laughed.

_Oh, Garrett, if you only knew..._

Kate finally came back down the stairs after the girls were in bed. We sat and talked for awhile, then all retired to our rooms. I was in for another night of sleeplessness, I could already tell. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my beautiful boy out of my mind.

_Stop calling him your beautiful boy, he is not yours!_

_Oh what I would do to him if he were..._

It was two days later when Kate finally put her foot down and said we needed to talk. She was tired of my brooding and was done waiting for me to come to her.

We walked out into the woods and headed for our favorite spot. There was a small clearing at the top of a hill overlooking a field. It was a peaceful place and we wouldn't be interrupted. She laid out a blanket, pulled out two travel mugs of cocoa and waited for me to speak.

After a few tense moments, I decided to go with the 'band-aid' method, just pull it off quick and get it over with. This was going to be painful.

"I fucked around with one of my students, " I told her, head hanging down.

She let out a loud gasp. "Jasper Hale Whitlock! I better have heard you wrong." She was taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

"Did you just say you_ fucked_ one of your students?" she asked incredulously.

I whipped my head up, "Not fucked, Katie! I did _not_ have sex with him!" I was yelling right back.

"Excuse me," she uttered. "Is there a difference in your position, _brother_?"

_Oh God, when she uses 'brother' I know I am in for it._

_"_No, Kate, there isn't." The silence was strained and I was afraid to look at her. After a few minutes, I glanced at her and saw the silent tears running down her face. Kate never cried and it broke my fucking heart.

"Oh Katie, please don't cry." I scooted closer to her and was stunned when she put her hand out to stop me.

"Do not touch me, Jasper. I can't even look at you right now. What were you _thinking_?" she shrieked, wiping her tears away.

"I wasn't thinking, Katie. If I had, do you think I would have ever touched him?" Pleading with her to understand, I continued on.

"It wasn't anything I planned, and if truth be told, he initiated it..."

She stopped me with her hand, "And you weren't smart enough to stop him? Please, Jasper, you are a grown-assed man! You knew what the right thing to do was." She stood up and started to walk down the hill, "I can't do this with you right now, I'm sorry." Then she took off running and headed towards the field.

I sat there on the hill, watching her walk around the field down below. Then, she sat and her shoulders shook as she collapsed into a fit of tears. I wanted to go to her so badly, but knew my presence wouldn't be welcome. After about fifteen minutes she stood up and walked around for awhile. Then, she started to come back up the hill with a determined stride. She sat down next to me, but said nothing.

"Katie, I know you are mad at me, probably even hate me a little, but I need you. I have never been so afraid in my entire life." My voice broke at the end and she turned to look at me.

"I don't hate you, Peanut. I am just so disappointed, this is something I thought you'd never do." She pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight.

"You do realize you could lose everything you have ever worked for, don't you?" She pushed my hair away from my face and laid her cheek on mine. "How old is he, Jasper?" she wondered, running her fingers through my hair.

"Seventeen, and believe me, I know what I stand to lose. That isn't the only reason I am scared, Katie," I whispered softly. "I have feelings for him, strong ones and I don't know how to turn them off."

"Oh God, Jasper, are you serious? Are you sure it isn't just lust?" She stared at me with her mouth open, trying to keep the evident shock off her face.

"No, it isn't lust, Katie. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I have never felt for anyone the way I feel about him. When I touched him I came alive for the first time, it was breath-taking."

"Are you sure that feeling doesn't stem from the fact that the relationship is taboo?" she asked skeptically.

"I wish it were that easy, Katie. It isn't because it's taboo, I felt an electric current the first time I laid eyes on him. He did too, I could tell."

Letting out a long breath, I continued, "I knew what he was doing, he was trying so hard to get a reaction out of me, and I tried so hard to put on an air of nonchalance. The day school got out for the break, he locked my classroom door and came onto me. I wasn't strong enough to tell him no."

"I don't understand, Jasper." She was slowly shaking her head and pulling her fingers through her hair. "Couldn't you have told him to stop?"

"Do you not think I tried? I did, but there came a point where my body just snapped, I couldn't take a moment more without touching him." I looked over at my sister, hating that I put the look of sadness on her face.

"How far, Jasper?" she rasped.

"How far what?"

"How far did it go? If you didn't have sex with him, how far did it go?"

I buried my head in my hands, why did she want to know that?

"Uhhh...blow job..." I muttered into my hands. I felt a sharp blow across the back of my head, "What the fuck, Kate?"

"You let him give you a blow job? Are you fucking kidding me, Jasper?" she growled out in rage.

Rubbing the back of my head, I figured it couldn't get much worse, "I gave him one too." I winced and braced myself for another whack, but she just sat there.

"I don't know what to tell you, Jasper. What are you going to do if he tells someone?"

"He told me he wouldn't, all I can do is believe him." If Edward felt about me even a tenth of the way I felt about him, hopefully he would care enough not to ruin my career.

"You can't let it happen again, at least until he graduates, you know that, right?" Grabbing my face, she turned it towards her, "Please tell me you know that, Jasper."

I yanked my face away, "Of course I know that, do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" she asked, with her eyebrows raised.

"All I know is I have not been this twisted up since mom and dad disowned me. I feel like a giant pretzel, all tied up in knots. I can't get him out of my head, and I have no right keeping him there. I know there is no future for us, it is just going to be so hard."

She put her arm around me, holding me, trying to make it all better. "It won't be easy Peanut, but you are a good man. I may question your sanity now, but you are a great person. I have always respected you and your decisions, so please make the right one. You need to give him up and never do that again. It was unforgivable, imagine if it was one of the girls. How would you feel?"

A growl tore through my chest, "It will never be them, Katie. Ever! I know what to do, the decision has been made. I am so sorry I disappointed you, that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. You gave up everything for me and I want it to be worth it to you, _I_ want to be worth it!"

"You are worth it, Jasper. Every moment without them is worth it if I have you. I love you and I will always be by your side, don't make me regret that." she said with a wry smile.

"I will do my best, I promise, Katie." I hugged her hard, then we gathered our things and headed back to the house.

The next few days were strained between us, but we gradually went back to normal as Christmas approached. On Christmas Eve I helped the girls decorate cookies for Santa, we had a great time. I took pictures of the deformed snowmen and the icing all over their adorable faces. Even Kate got into the fun and she and I were laughing once again.

Santa was good to the girls that year and we all sat around having breakfast after we were done opening gifts. Kate went up to help the girls get dressed, so it was just Garrett and me at the table.

"She told me, Jasper." Garrett blurted out.

"That was nice of her, I'm glad she couldn't wait until I was gone." I muttered under my breath.

"You don't know how messed up she was that night, I have never seen her so torn." He took a deep breath and continued, "While I don't condone at all what you did, you are a grown man that can make your own choices. My concern is that your relationship with your sister doesn't suffer for your transgression."

"That is what I want too, Garrett. Believe me, you guys are all I have. Haley and Amanda are the light of my life. I wouldn't make it without all of you."

Garrett looked at me with fierce determination, "You have us, Jasper. But know this, if it happens again, you may lose it all, including us. I won't let her be upset and I won't allow you to be an example to our girls if that is the life you choose to lead. I will not allow them to associate with a criminal, and that is what you will be. You could go to jail, and I will not let them see you there. I would rather them think you moved away, so keep that in mind when you decide to 'fuck around' with your student again."

I sat there stunned, he had never spoken to me like that. "I understand, Garrett. I wouldn't want them to see me there either. I am just praying that it never comes to that. And _believe_ me, I know it can't happen again."

"Okay, I love you Jasper, like my own brother, but I will not budge on this." He pat me on the back and walked out of the kitchen. I sat there for a few minutes, hoping I wouldn't lose it all.

After that day, it wasn't mentioned again. Everyone acted normal, but inside I was terrified. They were everything to me and I refused to let that slip from my fingers. I needed to figure out how to seal up the part of my heart that Edward currently occupied. Letting him go and closing that door was the only way it was going to work.

There was a teary goodbye from all three girls, there were even a few shed on my part. I would miss them like crazy, it would be a long time until the summer. Before I entered security, Kate pulled me to her and whispered, "Remember how much I love you, Peanut. Please be strong like I know you are, think about us, think about your plans for the future."

I hugged her, offering up my soul if need be, "I love you too, Katie. You guys are everything to me, I won't fuck that up."

After boarding the plane, I let her words run through my mind.

_'Plans for the future', how I wish that would include Edward._

Entertaining that thought would only lead to misery, so I put it in that compartment of my heart with his name on it, sealed it up and headed home.

* * *

**A/N: We are back to school next chapter…leave me a review and I will send you a teaser!!!**

**Those of you reading IEG, I am not forgoing writing that one for this, it goes through a different beta process that takes a lot longer, hence the bi-weekly updates!**

**Also, voting for the first round of the Slash Backslash contest is open until Sunday at midnight, so if you haven't voted, please go vote (not necessarily for me, there are some great works in there)…I have a one-shot in there too **

**Link (replace the dots): **

**http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2110516/Slash_Backslash**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing, you guys make me a happy girl! This chapter is not betaed…so I'm sorry for that, my rockin' beta is super busy right now, but then who isn't at the end of December?**

**Thank you to my wonderful husband who suffered through words like "cock" and "penetration" to reread this for me. He rocks my world everyday.**

* * *

Project Chapter 5

EPOV

When I got to my car that morning, Alice was already waiting for me. She was so excited to be back from the break and ready to see all her friends. She loved being in high school, I made fun of her for that, a lot. Her excitement was contagious and I felt myself smiling along with her as I started the car and we headed out of the driveway. It was going to be a wonderful semester, the last one I had to spend in Forks and for that I was ecstatic.

She had spent most of the break with our grandmother, so she was not there to witness my shame and subsequent breakdown. If there were ever a time to be grateful to be without my sister, it was then. My mom and Dad had a long talk with me about the bite marks and scratches. When they finally consented to the fact that I wasn't going to tell them who it was, I was given a lecture in safe sex.

_Note to self, never listen to my dad say the words "lube" and "preparation for penetration" again! _

The only thing we all agreed upon was leaving Alice out of the loop. By the time Alice returned I was back to my old self, well, as close to it as I was going to get.

Alice chatted away and seemed to be getting more hyper by the minute. I, on the other hand, was having a hard time keeping calm. The closer we got to school, the more agitated I became. It felt like all the work that I had put into repairing my shattered soul over the last two weeks was for nothing. It had taken tons of practice to speak and act with an air of indifference.

_Because if I had my way, Mr. Whitlock would think that I just didn't give a flying fuck about him or his heavenly mouth._

Keeping the situation from Alice was absolute torture. She came home to a happy, carefree Edward and in a matter of minutes, he was quickly disappearing.

I felt the carefully constructed facade slipping through my fingers and I was trying my hardest to get it back.

_Fucking focus, Edward! How the hell are you going to function at school if you can't keep your shit together in the car?_

The steering wheel was gripped so tightly between my hands that my knuckles were turning white. My leg bounced uncontrollably as the nervous energy filled me to capacity.

Alice had stopped talking and was staring at me. All the effort I put into keeping her in the dark about everything just came crashing down around my head because my emotions were spiraling out of control.

"Edward...what's wrong?" Feeling her eyes on me, I begged my voice to cooperate with me. I was trying so hard to keep the emotions that were churning under the surface out of the conversation.

Looking over at her quickly, I turned my eyes back to the road.

"_Nothing_ Alice, just dealing with some personal shit right now," exasperation tinged my words and I hoped that if I sounded angry enough she would drop it.

"No need to bite my head off, Edward, I was just trying to help...asshole." She turned back to face forward, obviously pissed at me.

"I'm not trying to bite your head off Ali, just trust me when I tell you to let me deal with this on my own."

"You can tell me what's wrong, Edward." She waited for a few minutes to see if I was going to tell her anything before continuing on. "You know you can trust me...I just want to help you," her eyes were boring a hole into my head and I knew she was hoping for an answer.

_Hi Alice, can't you see I don't want to talk about this shit right now?_

After a few minutes of strained silence, she blew out an exasperated breath. "Fine, whatever, don't tell me. See if I care, just don't come sulking to me later when you need someone to talk to."

We had always been close as siblings and had never kept secrets from each other. It was killing me not to be able to tell her this. I had already used Emmett as a sounding board, but nothing compared to the comfort I knew I would get from telling Ali. She knew just what to say to make me feel better; she was my security blanket and I was lost without her.

Shame and the fear of disappointing her were keeping me from at least telling her what I could. She would love me no matter what, but she looked up to and respected me. I couldn't bear for her to look at me without the love and adoration in her eyes she always had when she looked up at me. Anytime the topic of who you admired the most came up, I was always number one on her list and I did not want to mess that up.

We pulled into the lot and parked in our spot. Alice got out and stalked off without saying a word. I really hated when she was upset with me, but she would get over it by lunch, I hoped.

Walking back into the school for the first time since the "incident" made my stomach churn. I kept my fingers crossed. I was hoping that I would not see Mr. Whitlock until I absolutely had to. My senses were on high alert, prepared to divert if I even caught a trace of his unique scent. When I left the house, I was so sure this was going to be easy, that I could move past this and continue on like he never existed. Boy was I wrong.

I headed towards my locker, praying that the bitch brigade would leave me alone that morning; I was not in the mood to deal with Slutty Denali and her clones. Keeping my head down, I maneuvered myself through the crowd and made it through without incident. A huge smile broke across my face when I saw who was standing there waiting for me.

"What the fuck are you doing by my locker, Emmett? Don't you need to get to class or suck face with Rosalie?" That earned me a glare, the bird and him bending over to slap his ass.

_Man that fucker can make me laugh._

"Fuck you, Cullen. I was waiting here to make sure your ass was okay and you were still in the zone, but forget it." He was trying really hard to look mad, but I saw the grin fighting to break free.

"Besides, Edward, we already sucked face, now you can have him until I need him again," Rosalie announced, checking her perfectly applied face in her mirror.

I opened my locker and grabbed my book. "Let's get this show on the road guys; I don't want to be late to my first fucking class of the day." After shutting the door, Emmett and I headed down the hall.

"So Eddie, did you hear about the new transfer?" he wondered, his face lit up like a tree on Christmas.

Rolling my eyes, I listened for him to continue. He always seems to be on top of all the gossip, sometimes I wondered if he didn't sneak into the girl's bathroom and listen to their babble. I wasn't all that thrilled to hear about any fresh female meat, but there was no stopping Emmett.

"Word is he's from the Rez School. Eric told Mike that he wasn't quite accepted for being a fan of the male persuasion, so his dad transferred him to a bigger school. Maybe, he can help you get over the dude who shall remain nameless," he emphasized the "nameless" with air quotes.

_He was such an idiot sometimes, like it would be that easy...wait, did he just say he?_

"Dumbass, just because he may or may not be gay doesn't mean I am going to be attracted to him. Are you attracted to every girl, just because they happen to be straight?"

_Duh!_

He looked so confused, but then shook it off, "I guess I never looked at it that way, but it never hurts to look, huh?"

He started poking me in the sides, where he knew I was ticklish, "Huh, Eddie, huh?"

I burst out laughing when he hit the right spot, jumped back and ran smack dab into a pole.

"Fucking shit Emmett, do you have to do that while I am walking." He was silent.

I was rubbing my head and opened my eyes, "Emmett? Fucker?"

Looking over at Emmett, I followed his stunned gaze to my right.

_Holy fuck me running...it wasn't a pole I ran into._

Standing in front of me _must_ be the new kid. He had to be at least 6'3" and he was in one word, beautiful. I stood there gaping like a fish out of water while he smiled at me, rubbing his chest where I had run into him.

_Great Cullen, he probably thinks you are a mute dumbass._

His raven hair hung like a silk curtain past his shoulders. He had smooth, mocha skin that _had_ to taste as good as it looked. His chocolate brown eyes reminded me of dark M&M's...hmm, _wonder if all of him melts in your mouth? _Full, sensuous lips were stretched out into a smile over his gleaming white teeth. He stood there, looking me up and down, winked and walked off.

_Oh man, I'm in trouble!_

"Dude, fuckhead, wipe the drool," Emmett called out to me. I turned to look at him and finally succeeded in shutting my mouth.

"Holy shit, Emmett, that's the new guy?" I panted.

_Maybe the powers above were finally smiling down upon me, he makes for a nice distraction._

"Yeah...and you just made an idiot out of yourself," he laughed, while messing up my hair.

"Would you fucking quit?" I was helplessly trying to fix my hair, it was no use. "He just took me by surprise is all, wasn't expecting him to be so...ummmm...imposing?" I blubbered like an idiot.

"Dude, whatever Eddie...got a new theme song for you," he stepped back, took a deep breath and smiled. " Edward and new kid sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G..."

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett," I interjected. I could feel the heat rising up in my face as I looked around to see who heard and saw him. There were snickers from everyone standing around us. Sometimes he can be the biggest ass.

"I'm just messing with you Eddie, now wasn't it you saying we needed to get to class?" He shook his head and wagged his finger, "The youth of today are so irresponsible sometimes."

I walked off and muttered, "Dumbass..."

The whole way to Biology I couldn't get the new kid out of my mind. He had a presence about him that commanded your attention. It didn't hurt that he was beyond stunning. He looked so exotic; he certainly didn't fit in with all the pale-bodied students at FHS. That fact in itself made him stand out like a shiny, new penny.

I walked in, ignored everyone and sat at my lab table. The teacher started to drone on about what we could expect this last semester and touched on the importance of keeping our grades up. I had applied to several universities and was awaiting the acceptance letters so I could take my pick. If my parents had their way, I would be taking the Ivy League route, but if I had it my way, it would be a public college all the way.

I wouldn't go to a mediocre school; I just want to go somewhere there is a more diverse group of students. I wanted to be involved in all aspects of college life and a small university was not going to do it for me. Emmett had applied to some of the same schools as I had and I was really hoping we ended up going somewhere together. He had Rosalie to think about as well, that made his decision a bit harder.

Loneliness threatened to overtake me as I thought about the fact that I had no one to consider. It was depressing to realize you had made it to your senior year of high school with not even one relationship under your belt to show for it. The only thing I had was a one-time encounter with a man that wanted nothing to do with me.

My throat started to burn with unshed tears as I thought about Mr. Whitlock again. The affection I had for him was like nothing I had ever felt, I was so _sure_ it had to be love. Sitting there in class though, I began to wonder if maybe I was wrong. Maybe the reason for feeling that way was because he was the closest thing I had ever had to a sexual experience. If the fire I felt running through my veins was only the tip of the iceberg as far as love went, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the real thing when it came along.

The more I thought, the more I realized that I could be onto something.

_For God's sake Edward, who the hell falls in love with someone after spending an hour fucking around with them?_

My stomach dropped to my feet at that, it was so much more to me than "fucking around". I wished the answer would just drop into my lap, that a light bulb would go on and I could figure this shit out. There was no one I could go to for guidance, just me, myself and I.

_I wish I had something to compare it to...that's the answer...the new kid! He was a really fucking attractive guy, not Mr. Whitlock attractive, but hot in his own unique way._

Now, I had to come up with a plan. I couldn't really just walk up to him and ask him to mess around with me, could I?

_No, Edward, you can't. Maybe you should hang out as friends and see if it goes anywhere...yup, I am a fucking genius._

I had to know, could I even feel half the passion that I felt with Mr. Whitlock? There was only one way to find out. I couldn't just go pick anyone, it had to be someone I was at least mildly attracted to.

_Well it's obvious you are attracted to new kid, you stared at him like a loser while the stream of drool created an ocean at your feet._

Now, I had to figure out how to befriend him. Guess I could start by introducing myself next time I see him, which I hoped would be soon. The bell rang, signaling the end of class and I was out the door.

I spent the rest of my morning classes, and the periods in between, keeping an eye out for him and formulating a plan. This wasn't anything I could go into blindly, that was what got me into trouble in the first place. Plus, I didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel any of the rejection I felt when Mr. Whitlock told me we were a "big error in judgment".

_And just like that we have... agony. Forgot what you felt like old friend, it's been minutes, next time come back when you can't stay so long._

This was just getting ridiculous, why can't I get him out of my head?

When the bell finally rang for lunch, I was ready to be away from my thoughts and surrounded by my friends. If anyone could cheer me up, Emmett was the man and he only had to be himself. Making my way to the cafeteria, I looked around for the new guy. He was nowhere to be found.

When I passed by my locker to drop off my things, there he was, looking all kinds of sexy. Poor fucker was surrounded by Skanks-R-Us and Tanya was actually running her hand through his hair. Meeting his coffee brown eyes over the crowd he looked at me and plead silently for help. I shook my head, smiled and walked off. That served two purposes: on the one hand he had to learn to fend for himself because I wouldn't always be there to bail him out and on the other, it might give him a reason to come talk to me.

Heading into the lunchroom, I spotted little Ali sitting at the table. She had already gone through the line and had both our trays of food in front of her. She was too good to me, even when I pissed her off. Walking over to her, I leaned down and placed a quick peck on her head.

"Ewww, Edward, your going to mess up my hair!" she called out, trying to fix her wild raven locks.

It was no use, her hair was just as unruly as mine, only hers was jet black thanks to Loreal. She could actually get away with flat ironing it and making it look perfectly styled because she was a girl. When I tried to style mine with gel or mousse, I just looked like a tool.

"Sorry, Ali, just wanted to say thanks for getting my food."

She almost smiled, but was fighting it. "You're welcome, but I'm still mad at you."

I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, "Don't be mad at me Alice, I am in a much better mood, see?" I flashed her my biggest grin.

Smiling back at me she asked, "Could that have anything to do with the new eye candy?" she asked, smirking as she twisted a curl around her finger. "I heard you couldn't do anything but stare after you ran into him this morning, is that true?" The smirk turned into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

_Emmett, you are a dead mother fucker..._

"I have no clue what you're talking about, in fact, I plead the fifth." Ready for this part of the conversation to be over I started stuffing my face.

She didn't say another word, even though I knew she was dying to. We only had about three minutes of peace before Emmett sat down with his two trays full of food. Where he put it all, I hadn't a clue.

Alice and I looked at his food and then at each other. We each nodded quickly at the other, and finished what we could before he started eating. Emmett and food were a very disgusting combination. Trying hard not to watch was one thing, but when you are sitting there at the table together you could actually hear him eat. That could make you lose your appetite just as easily.

Emmett slung his arm around my shoulder, "So, Edward, any more encounters with the new kid? I found out his name for you..." I put a hand on his mouth to shut him up.

"I don't need you finding out anything for me, Em, let me take care of shit on my own." He pulled my hand off and continued on, ignoring everything I had just told him.

"His name is Jacob Black, you ingrate. He is a senior and went to the Rez School all his life until this last semester. Word is he got kicked out for fighting too much. I also found out his schedule if you want it."

_Of course you did, you probably sat around with the chicks, braiding each others hair while you gossiped like old women._

"Emmett, shut the fuck up and eat your lunch. If and when I am concerned about his schedule, stalker, I will find out on my own."

"Whatever dude, don't be jealous that I have more friends than you do and they give me the 411," he turned his back and started eating.

"411, Emmett, really? What year are we in?" He shot me the finger and I burst out laughing. He was such a kid sometimes.

Everyone finished up and we headed to our classes. The closer it got to History, the more irritable I became. Sitting through my two classes after lunch were torture. I wanted them to last forever but the minutes flew by way too quickly. I did not want my last period to get here. Even though I felt ready to face the demon head on, the thought of actually seeing him face to face was paralyzing.

The bell rang and it was finally time. I slowly gathered my things and walked out the door. Each step closer to Mr. Whitlock's class made me that much more flustered.

_I can't even fucking breathe, please don't let him see how he affects me._

I finally rounded the corner and was standing outside the door.

_Here we go, you can do this!_

I was so nervous to walk back into my history class, the butterflies at seeing that honey-kissed god made me nauseous. When I walked in, he wasn't in there, yet.

_Thank God!_

When I saw my eyes fell on his desk, images of Mr. Whitlock on his knees with his mouth around my cock hit me like a freight train. My dick sprang to attention as my stomach plummeted to my feet. I didn't know how I would survive this semester with my heart unscathed.

Looking around, I spotted the handsome newcomer who was smiling while checking me out. I made my way over to him and sat at the desk beside him. Flashing him my signature smirk I leaned over, "Hi, I'm Edward and you are gorgeous." The confident Edward was back in full force and I was so glad to see him.

_Maybe it won't be so hard after all._

He reached out his hand to me, "I'm Jacob and you aren't so bad yourself." I smiled even bigger and gave his hand a shake. There was no spark, sizzle or zing, nothing like touching Mr. Whitlock, but maybe that had to come in time.

"Well then, Jacob, you look like you could use a friend...how about going with me to get a coffee after school? I would love to get to know you better."

He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Now, Edward, the way I want to get to know you can't be done in a coffee shop..." His breath on my skin sent a shiver down my spine. Our hands were still clasped and I felt the blush creeping up my face.

"You are very forward," I uttered nervously, looking around to see if anyone was watching.

What I saw stopped me cold. Mr. Whitlock was glaring at me and shooting daggers with his stormy eyes. It was like a bucket of cold water was being doused upon me and I let Jacob's hand drop like a hot potato. I couldn't bring myself to break his gaze, it was hypnotic.

He abruptly turned his back to me and I felt like puking. I gathered up my things, ran out the door and headed straight to the bathroom. Hoping no one saw the tears of frustration running down my face I shoved the door open. I ran into the closest stall and lost my lunch. After emptying my stomach, I sat on the ground heaving, trying to calm myself down.

The pain in my chest was so painful; it felt like someone was stabbing me. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, trying to get to a happy place so I could calm down.

_If this was how I reacted after only seeing him for a minute, how the fuck was I going to go on for the rest of the semester? Maybe I did need to change classes..._

I sat there, alone with my thoughts, when a voice invaded my bubble. "Edward..."

_Oh please, not now, I can't handle it._

"Please... I'm sorry I followed you, but I need to know that you are okay."

Opening my eyes, my gaze met the one in front of me and I prayed for strength.

* * *

**A/N: I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season….how about giving me an early present and hit that review button?**

**Pretty please?**

**I will send you a teaser in return….next we get to see how Mr. Whitlock handles the Jacob and Edward…hmmm, should be interesting, don't you think?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: You guys rocked my freaking world so hard with your reviews that I decided to give you a Christmas present and it is a bear compared to the others…Jasper had a lot to say, but don't get used to the length…I stayed up all night doing it. (you are welcome :-) ****)**

**I reply to each and every review I get, if you did not get a reply and teaser in return, it is because you left an anonymous review and I can't reply to those. Please sign in to leave your review if you want the teaser, and if you don't get it, please PM me and I will send it to you.**

**This one is not betaed..again, sorry, but I really wanted to get it out for a holiday treat.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words floating around in my head**

* * *

Project Chapter 6

JPOV

After arriving home from the break, I kept myself busy for the few days before school started. I worked on the syllabus for the next semester and graded the papers from the project the kids had before we let out for Christmas. Not usually one to procrastinate, I was glad I had saved the papers to grade until after I returned from Texas. Keeping distracted was exactly what I needed to keep my mind in the right place.

The weekend before school resumed, I headed back there to make sure everything was in order in my classroom. Copies needed to be made and grades needed to be added to the computer. When I pulled into the parking lot, I was glad to see I wasn't the only one here. Every time I left Kate's, I spent the next few days feeling lonely. It would be nice to be around others, even if it was just knowing they were there.

Heading into Forks High, I made my way to the classroom. I was stopped almost immediately by a hand on my arm.

"Why, Mr. Whitlock," I looked over and met Ms. Denali's sultry gaze. "You are looking especially good this wonderful morning, would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?"

_Really, she is starting already?_

"Ms. Denali, as much as I would love to, I have got some things I need to get done here before I make it to an appointment I have later." I was trying my hardest to wriggle out of the invite without offending her.

She sidled up to me, pressing her entire body into mine.

_Oh gross, I am not in the mood to deal with shit like this today._

"I promise I will make it worth your while if you just take the chance to know me better," she purred while dragging a blood red fingernail down my cheek.

"Ms. Denali, if you will excuse me. I have work to do," trying to walk past her, she grabbed onto my hand and put her mouth against my ear. I shuddered.

"I promise I will make you scream out my name, Mr. Whitlock, several times." She whispered, her hot breath making me cringe.

_Okay, now I have to put a stop to this, now! Fucking slut._

Turning to her with my most alluring smile, I leaned into her and whispered right back. "Unless you have got a dick in between your legs, Ms. Denali, you will not be making me scream anything, are we clear?"

Her mouth dropped open and she had a dazed expression on her face. She didn't say a word.

"Now, if you will excuse me for the last time, I do have actual work to do." With that, I strode off, shaking my head. I tried not to use language like that in front of a lady, but at that moment I couldn't really classify her as one.

_Great, I am sure the gossip mill will be in overdrive by the time I leave here. Not exactly the way to come out to Forks, huh genius?_

Walking into the classroom, I closed the door and rested my head against it. I really hoped that what I had just done would not come back to bite me on the ass later.

_Great job idiot, you have fucked up left and right since you got here. _

Opening up my eyes, I took my time to slowly gaze around the room. It was the exact same as when I left it, but it felt so different. The things that had happened in here were still fresh in my mind. Closing my eyes, every moment with Edward that day replayed in my head. He was without a doubt, the most alluring man I had ever seen. His entire body from head to toe was enticing. It seduced me from the moment I had laid eyes on him. His emerald eyes dazzled me. Crimson lips intoxicated me. The taste of his mouth seared me. Scorching hot silky skin against mine brought me to my knees.

I took a few more minutes to reflect on those memories, then I forced them back into the dark caverns of my mind. It would do me no good to think about all that.

Sitting at my desk, the first thing I did was enter all the grades into my computer. I actually had a pretty good group of kids this year, only a select few trouble makers. So far, there were no failing grades and only a few C's. That made me so happy, in Seattle the F's were a lot more abundant. There was definitely something to be said about living in a small town. The kids seemed to care a lot more and people were a lot nicer.

Next, I spent the few hours following hammering out the syllabus. I decided to change up some things and make history a lot more interesting for the kids in the semester to come. They had certainly proved that it wasn't something they were going to blow off and if they could put in the effort, so would I. Looking out at the classroom, I also toyed with the idea of a seating chart. It wasn't something that I felt the need for before, but it may be in mine and Edward's best interests if he was not sitting in the seat up front.

Honestly, I had hoped he would opt to switch classes, maybe it was the coward's way out, but it was also the easiest route to go in avoiding another situation like the last. Try as I might, getting him out of my head was easier said than done. Logically, it shouldn't be this difficult. We all made mistakes, hell, even I had my share of one night stands. The problem was that he was more than that to me and I was going to have to see him in class everyday. My hope was that maybe it was all a passing whim for him and he will just go about his life as it was before.

_Fuck, that hurts....that would suck if I was only something for him to play with because he was bored at the time._

The fact that I had possibly laid my career and so much more on the line to be nothing more than "something to do" made my chest ache. I can't imagine that he would be that shallow, but then he was a 17 year old boy.

_He called you "love"...that had to mean something, right? So, what if it does, what the hell can you do about it? You can't do a fucking thing, so get over it!_

Times when I felt like this were when I wished I had more of a support system than just Kate and her family. I didn't even really have any friends, it was something I chose not to do. It was too hard to do something like allow someone in, to trust them with everything you had, only to get it thrown back in your face. The blame for that falls solely on my parents. Felix was the final nail in that coffin.

Pulling out my cell, I decided to give Kate a call. It rang a few times before she finally answered.

"Hey Peanut, what's up?" she asked, obviously out of breath.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Nope, just playing tag with the girls. You actually saved me from a heart attack, I am not as young as I used to be." That made me laugh, it felt good.

"Watch it Katie, I am right behind you and I am not ready for a heart attack just yet." I told her emphatically.

"What's going on J?" she asked knowingly, she was so intuitive.

"I am just really missing you guys right now, Kate. Sometimes it is just hard for me." Sighing out loud, I rested my head on my arms.

"I know better than that, Jasper, please tell me...is it him?"

I waited for a few minutes, trying to figure out the right thing to say to her. I did not want her pissed off at me.

"Yes, Katie, it is. Before you jump to conclusions though, it isn't what you think. I am trying so hard to figure out the best way to deal with when I see him again."

The cogs in her brain were going crazy, of that I was sure.

"When will you see him next? Monday?" Starting to nod my head, I realized she couldn't see me..._dodo bird._

"Monday would be the day sis. I am so nervous, my stomach is killing me."

She immediately lashed out in a furious rage, "What do you mean you are _nervous_, Jasper? Do you plan on _doing_ something to be nervous about?"

_Fuck, I can't get the benefit of the doubt, can I? But then, do I really deserve it?_

_"_Fuck no, Kate. I just don't know how the first time seeing each other is going to go down. I thought maybe you could make me feel a little better, tell me it was all going to be okay...but forget it. Sorry I bothered you."

I went to push the disconnect button, when she stopped me with her pleading.

.

"Peanut, no...I'm sorry. Don't hang up, please? Jasper?"

Sitting there for a minute, I breathed into the phone so she would at least know I was there. The guilt in her voice made me feel a little better, I wanted her to feel bad for doubting me. Petty as it may be, I didn't like to be kicked when I was down.

"What do you want me to say, Kate? Apparently you think that in two days time, I am just going to fuck my student and throw it all away." Agitation laced every word I spoke to her, and my head was starting to throb

Kate gasped into the phone, "That isn't what I thought, Jasper. Not at all. I just thought maybe you were going to talk to him about it or something, which would require you being alone with him. I just don't want you putting yourself in any more compromising positions. You really never know what he is going to do or who he will tell."

She had a point, and I really had no plans on talking to Edward at all. That would definitely not be in any one's best interest.

"That really wasn't part of the plan, Kate. My nervousness stemmed from the fact that I am going to have to see him after what happened and honestly, I am a little bit afraid that I will walk in Monday to the police waiting for me. It is not an exciting prospect." The fear was real, there were no guarantees when it came to life. Promises were made to be broken, I had found that out the hard way, many times. Who's to say that Edward will be any different than any other man in my life.

"Well, don't think like that, J. I think if anything were going to happen, it would have happened by now." She was probably right, but it still sat wrong with me.

_Could that be because you should never have done it in the first place?_

"Kate, I am going to finish up here and head home. I love you guys so much," I told her, melancholy dripping from my voice.

"We love you too, Jasper. You are going to be fine, but only you can get yourself past this. I know you want me to be able to wave a magic wand and make it all disappear, but I can't."

Picturing here in a fairy dress with a wand, flying around made me smile. "I know you can't, Katie. I am glad I got to hear your voice though...sometimes that is all I need."

"You are laying it on thick, and your birthday is still a ways away. What do you want?" She was smiling, I could hear it and it warmed my heart.

"All I want is to know that you are always there for me, it is all I will ever need." She was the closest thing I had to a parent, so her approval meant the world to me.

"Jasper, you can't rely that heavily on me, it is a big burden for me to bear. You know I am here for you, maybe it is time for you to start meeting new people. Go out, make some friends..." She knew that wasn't an easy thing for me, but it still never stopped her from encouraging me.

"Maybe I will, but don't hold your breath. I love you, Kate. Bye."

"Bye, Peanut. Love you too." She hung up and I put the phone down to finish up.

When I was finished, I headed out the door. Ms. Denali was leaving as well, with a few other teachers in tow. She glanced at me and started to whisper in the ear of one of the others. All of them were looking at me funny. After the day I'd had, they did not want to fuck with me.

"Is there something I can help you ladies with, or should I be flattered that you can't stop staring?" I gave them a big smile and waited.

Ms. Denali spoke up first, "No, Mr. Whitlock, I was just telling them not to bother, you weren't interested." Giving me an evil little smirk, she grabbed the hands of the one's next to her and walked off.

A few had stayed behind and one woman actually came up and talked to me. She was petite with dark brown hair and a nice smile.

"Hi," she muttered shyly. "I am Angela Cheney, English teacher for the junior and senior classes." She stuck out her hand and I gladly accepted it.

"Pleased to meet you ma'am, I'm Jasper Whitlock, History teacher."

She actually blushed at that, when the southern accent came out to play, the ladies usually did.

"I know who you are, Mr. Whitlock. We just wanted you to know that most of us don't feel the same as Irina Denali. She is petty and a gossip and we don't want you to think the rest of the faculty is like that. We really don't care whether you are gay or straight, white or black, Republican or Democrat, rich or poor...it doesn't matter to us. I am sorry that she felt the need to spread your business."

I was in shock, first-that all that came from that tiny woman and second-that she felt the need to apologize for someone else's actions.

"With all due respect, Ms. Cheney, why do you feel the need to apologize? You weren't the one who said anything and, if truth be told, I kind of let it slip in a very rude way."

She laughed at that, "Oh, I am sure you were provoked."'

_You got that right..._

"Well, Ms. Cheney, it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance. It is nice to know that not everyone is on her side."

Her eyes got wide and she shook her head. "Absolutely not, she is her own island with a few bottom feeders that long to be like her, other than that the rest of us are normal."

Laughing at her, I put her mind at ease. "If you have to be normal to fit in, I am not sure I will after all," I told her with a smile and a wink.

Heading out the doors, I got into my car and decided to stop off at the store on my way home. I ran in, grabbed the essentials -which included pizza rolls and ice cream- and was on my way.

It had been an exhausting day, emotionally and physically. Jumping in the shower I rubbed one out, scrubbed myself clean and went to bed.

I spent the entire next day in my room watching movies, only getting up to eat and use the restroom. It was a nice way to de-stress and I was in no mood to do anything that required brain function. My mind would be in overdrive come tomorrow when school was back in session.

Waking up Monday morning was a bitch. Now that the day was here, I was in no way prepared for it. After drinking two cups of coffee, I painstakingly dressed myself. I wasn't really sure what to wear; I wanted to look professional, but not stuffy.

_Why the hell does it matter what you wear, douche bag? Who the hell are you trying to impress?_

After gathering my stuff, I grabbed a to go cup and headed out to the car. The drive went by so much quicker than it should have. To say I was agitated would be an understatement. Pulling into my spot, I gave myself a mental pep talk and headed in.

_Please don't let me see him first thing; I don't know if I can handle it yet._

The first thing I did was check my box, I was almost hoping to see a change request with Edward's name on it. No such luck. I stuffed the memos into my briefcase and headed to the classroom. Sitting down at my desk, I had a few minutes before I had to get ready for first period so I took out the stack of mail and went through it.

There _was_ a student notification in my box. I was getting a new student today in my last period History class by the name of Jacob Black.

_Great, I hope he isn't too behind. I would have to catch him up and that would hold the class back._

The kid was from the school out on the reservation across town.

_Wonder what brings him here? From what I heard the Quileute kids liked to stick together._

It wasn't really my concern, so I added his info into my computer and prepared for first period. My classes before lunch went off without a hitch. Reviewing the Civil War before school got out really helped keep everything fresh in their minds. I even assigned everyone partners for the project that would be due at the end of the nine weeks with little protest. There was no way I was going to be able to stomach any lunch, so I stayed in the room and read a bit.

The bell ringing signaled the start of my afternoon classes. That meant that my time to see Edward was near. I was a nervous wreck, almost expecting him to jump up and scream "Rape" in the middle of the classroom. After my first two afternoon classes ended, it was finally time. Not ready to face him yet, I darted out to use the restroom. Taking a few minutes to myself, I washed my face to help calm myself down. The bell was going to ring any minute, so I knew I needed to get to class.

The hall was nearly deserted by the time I headed to the classroom. Taking a deep breath, I walked in the door. My heart stopped short and my breath hitched when I saw him. My beautiful boy was sitting there, looking innocently sexy and sweet all at the same time.

He was holding hands with a boy I didn't recognize..._must be the rez kid..._smiling, while the other boy whispered in his ear. Edward was leaning into him and that fiery blush I remembered lit up his face at something the ebony haired boy had said. I saw red and green all at once. White-hot fury coursed through my veins at seeing him flirt so freely with someone else and the jealously nearly ate me alive. Putting my hands on my desk, I couldn't tear my eyes away from them. My pupils were burning because I hadn't blinked, and I could feel the anger piercing the air as I glared at him.

_Fuck, I have no right to feel like this, what the hell is wrong with me?_

Finally, Edward snapped his eyes up and they met mine. The smile left his eyes and his skin paled considerably. He dropped the other boy's hand and stared right back, fearful of the look I was giving him.

_Snap out of it, asshole...you are scaring the poor kid._

I flipped around to write something up on the board and get a hold of myself. When I turned back around, Edward was running for the door with all his things in hand. He rushed out of the classroom and it took everything in me not to follow and make sure he was okay.

_God, I am such an ass!_

The new kid got up next, who I now realized was Jacob Black, and approached my desk. Taking one look at my face, he became more hesitant in his walk. He was a striking boy, it was easy to see how Edward could be taken with him. That thought didn't do _anything_ to help ease the ache in my chest.

"Umm, Mr. Whitlock? I'm Jacob Black, sir. Could I please be excused from class? My friend just ran out and I think he was sick, may I please go make sure he is okay?" He was certainly polite, damn it.

_No, you can't fucking go you little shit, that is my fucking job...aghhhh! _

_"_Sure, Jacob. Please come back as soon as you know if Mr. Cullen is okay. I need to let the office know if he is sick." How I kept my voice so calm, I will never know.

Jacob just nodded at me and took his leave. I watched him walk out the door to go find Edward. It made the green-eyed monster rear his ugly head once more. Never before had I felt jealousy like this, not even when I found out Felix was fucking other people. What did it mean?

It took all my effort to concentrate on class. The minutes ticked by way to slowly and neither Edward or Jacob returned. I assigned everyone their partners for the project that would be due later. Everyone put their name into a bucket and I drew two names at a time. Since Edward and Jacob were both absent, I had no choice but to pair them together.

_That's just great, maybe they can work on it between fucking each other, hope they make time for both. I am such a jackass..._

The bell finally rang for the end of class and I was so fucking pissed that neither one of them had the decency to let me know what was going on. I was so worried about Edward; I had a feeling him running out was my fault. There was no reason for me to look at him like I did. He had every right in the world to flirt with Jacob if he wanted. There wasn't anything I could or should do about it. If anything, it would make it easier on me for him to focus his attention elsewhere. I just wish I didn't have to see it in front of my face.

There was no way I was sticking around for any period of time, my mood was treacherous. Gathering up my things, I left the room to head out to the parking lot. The dreary, cold weather matched my attitude perfectly. I went over to my car and what I saw out of the corner of my eye made me sick. Jacob Black was so lucky I was not a violent man. He had his arms wrapped around Edward and they were leaning against Edward's car. He was running his hands through Edward's hair and whispering words in his ear. I really wanted to kill someone.

_How could he do it? How could it be so easy to move right into someone else's arms? _The thought that I really hadn't meant much to him was in the back of my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to really believe it. He moved his head slightly and emerald met sapphire. He stiffened in Jacob's arms, but didn't look away.

_You called me love...you said you wouldn't forget for the rest of your life, that if you never touched another, you had it all with me. Don't you see that this is killing me, Edward?_

Trying my hardest to convey all my thoughts into my gaze, I finally looked away. Hopping into my car, I sped towards the house. The closer I got, the more enraged I became. It was all obviously nothing but a game, a challenge to him and I let myself fall for it. There had to be a way to get him out of my head.

I was so pissed off by the time I got back home. Storming through the front door, I slammed it so hard behind me the whole place shook. Glancing around to see what was closest, I grabbed a bottle of wine from the bar and threw it against the wall. The Merlot sprayed all over the walls and furniture that were unlucky enough to be in it's path.

My chest was heaving and I didn't give a shit about the mess right now, I had to figure out how to get that beautiful boy out of my system. After thinking for a few minutes, a light bulb clicked in my head. I grabbed my keys and ran out the door.

Jumping into my car, I gunned the engine and sped off. I was going to find a man, bring him home and fuck Edward out of my system. Once my body had a taste of someone else, I hoped it would erase the feeling of Edward's skin under my fingers and the flavor of him off my tongue.

My cock sprang to life at the thought of being buried inside someone else's warm body...yes, _that_ was the answer.

The hour long drive to Port Angeles did nothing to calm me down. It only served as a way for my memory to replay over and over again Edward naked in my classroom.

_Okay, that is doing nothing but contribute to the increasing level of horniness raging inside._

This plan was obviously not well thought out, I couldn't bring anyone back home with me. Who would want to make the long drive all the way back to Forks? Looks like I would be the one going home with someone. I didn't really care, I just needed to fuck someone and I needed to do it now.

Pulling into a place that I had heard about from one of my former coworkers, I parked and went in. Heading straight for the bar, I looked around to see if there was anyone who caught my eye. So far, not a soul.

"What will it be, handsome?" The deep baritone of the bartender snapped me form my stupor. He was fucking hot, but not my type. He looked like a giver, and I was definitely not a receiver.

Smiling at him, I leaned forward and ordered. "One tequila shot and a bottle of Shiner." He winked at me and went to retrieve my order.

_Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, I still had it!_

He put my drinks in front of me and I slipped him a twenty, "Keep the change, gorgeous."

He nodded, "Name's Marcus, and I will be happy to assist you in anything you might need tonight, handsome...anything." With a wink and a smile, he walked off.

I drained the shot and the beer, and decided it was time to go hunting. There were attractive little twinks everywhere and I was more than ready to get my dick into one of them. Looking around for awhile, I finally honed in on the perfect man. He had reddish-brown hair, was about my height and had big blue eyes. I made my way over to where he was talking with his friends and to my delight he was watching my every move.

Walking up to him, I ran my finger down his chest and took his hand. Pulling him towards me, I whispered in his ear, "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

He pulled back, smiling at me. "Aren't you even going to tell me your name, stranger? I do have rules against fucking the nameless, because then what would I scream out when the time came?"

_Oh baby, I like your style._

"The name is Jasper and I can guarantee that you will be screaming it until your voice is hoarse." He slammed down the rest of his drink, grabbed my hand and led me towards the door.

"I'm Seth, and I like the sound of that." He pushed me against the wall and kissed me, hard. I pulled his hips against mine and ground my cock into him. He pulled back and gasped, "My place or yours?"

"Mine is an hour away..."

"Okay, mine then. Which one is your car, I came with my friends."

We got into my car and he told me how to get to his place. It was only a ten minute drive from the bar, which was good because my dick was ready to get this show on the road.

We pulled up in front of his house and practically sprinted to the front door. I picked him up and he wrapped his legs around my waist while I ravaged his tender mouth. He was fumbling with the keys and finally got the door open.

We went inside and I immediately started stripping off his clothing. I was trying so hard to get this over with quick, I needed it so bad. He pulled my hand and dragged me into his bedroom. He pulled out condoms and lube and set them on the nightstand.

"Get over here, Seth," I growled at him. He walked back over to me with a sly grin. I slammed my mouth back onto his, trying to make myself get past his taste. It just wasn't right, it wasn't Edward.

Pulling my mouth from his, I buried it into his neck instead. I was kissing his throat and grinding my hips into his. He pulled my shirt off and started licking his way down my chest to the waistband of my pants. He unbuttoned them and lowered himself down to his knees in front of me. I watched as he took my stiff cock in between his soft lips. Throwing my head back, I tried to get lost in the sensations, but they felt all wrong.

The fire and passion I felt when I was with Edward was nowhere to be found. I needed this to get him out of my head, and he was all I could think about. The way Seth sucked my cock was practiced and almost professional. That wasn't what I wanted. The tentative stroke of Edward's innocent tongue and his hesitancy when he had wrapped his mouth around me were much more preferable.

_Oh God, this wasn't working, not at all._

I reached down and pulled Seth of my dick and pulled him up. There was no way I was going to let him finish, it didn't feel right. His mouth was not the one I needed, but I wasn't a total dick head, he wouldn't be left hanging.

He was looking at me, confused. Pushing back to sit on the bed, I undid his pants and took his cock into my mouth. He groaned out loud when I pushed my nose into his pubic bone. I licked and sucked him up and down while lightly tugging in his sack. It didn't take him very long to cum, and I swallowed every bit that he shot down my throat.

He smiled down at me and reached for the lube. I put a hand out to stop him, "I'm sorry Seth, I have to go."

"What, I thought you wanted to fuck me?" he asked, giving me a perplexed stare.

"I did want to fuck you, Seth. Then I realized it was for all the wrong reasons and it wasn't fair to you. I refuse to be _that_ person, the one who uses others and tonight I almost did."

He looked at me and shrugged, "I really don't care about the reason, Jasper. If you want to fuck me for the wrong reasons, I don't care as long as you fuck me."

"I can't do it, Seth. I'm sorry." He chuckled at me and shook his head.

"Wouldn't it be my luck to take home the honorable one?" He had it so wrong, there was nothing honorable in what I did tonight.

Pulling on my shirt, I turned towards him. "There was nothing honorable about it, trust me. You are a good kid Seth, sorry again."

"Yeah, yeah...being a good kid isn't going to get me laid though."

Smiling at him one last time, I leaned over and kissed the top of his head. "Thanks, Seth. I will see myself out."

I walked out the door and got into my car. The entire drive home I was absolutely disgusted with myself. Why did I think that fucking someone was the answer? Even though I didn't have sex with him, I still felt dirty for sucking him off. The thing is, it would have been shitty of me not to get him off somehow.

_Keep telling yourself that, won't make you feel any better._

There was no good answer for the situation I was in. I needed Edward and for one, he was off limits...and two, he had moved on to Jacob Black. That was the part that hurt the worst. If Jacob wasn't in the picture, would I wait for him until graduation? The answer was an emphatic yes.

My house was close when I finally decided what I would do. Knowing that I couldn't even talk to him about it until graduation didn't change my mind. I _would _bide my time until then. He could have his fling with Jacob, if that is what he needed, but when May rolled around, I would stake my claim. He would definitely be mine!

That sent pure joy running through me where before there was anger and I felt like a different man. A weight had been lifted from my chest and it was exhilarating. It was going to be difficult to watch from the sidelines, but knowing what was in my future made that thought so much easier to bear.

If the words he had spoken to me that day were true, they would still be true then. We _would_ be together, I just knew it and I couldn't wait. It would require my patience and I was so glad that I had the maturity to handle it. I wouldn't want to do anything to compromise the future and any involvement with him beforehand would definitely be dangerous.

Pulling into my driveway, I got out and almost skipped up to the door because I was so happy. Pulling out my keys to unlock it, I looked at the porch and jumped back like a frightened rabbit.

There, huddled up in a ball asleep on my porch, was Edward.

_Oh God..._

**

* * *

**

**A/N: Please let me know what you think…don't be too mad at Jasper for Seth, he does feel really bad about it.**

**REVIEWERS GET A TEASER: Next is the conversation in the bathroom with Jacob (kudos to the ones who guessed it right)…it will definitely not be until after the first, but then, with reviewers like you, you never know what I will be inspired to do.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you so much to fabulous and wonderful beta Darkira…she makes me want to be a better writer!!! She really does rock!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the Robsessed DVD and Robert Pattinson calendar my husband got me for Christmas….you can read the rest at the bottom.**

**

* * *

  
**

Chapter 7

EPOV

I sat there, alone with my thoughts, when a voice invaded my bubble.

"Edward..."

_Oh please, not now, I can't handle it._

"Please... I'm sorry I followed you, but I need to know that you are okay."

Opening my eyes, my gaze met the one in front of me and I prayed for strength.

My gaze locked with Jacob Black's. His eyes were dark like a shot of espresso, you couldn't even see his pupils. He was slowly walking towards me and my body flushed with embarrassment at him seeing me like this. Confident Edward was no more, but at that moment I was too broken to care.

I spoke to Jacob in a voice raspy from the tears that had spilled, "I am fine Jacob, just got upset for a minute."

He looked so guilty and I didn't understand why, "I am so sorry if I offended you, Edward. It's not like me to be so forward, I just didn't want to be the shy new guy that got messed with from day one for being gay."

I barked out a laugh, "Well fortunately for you, Jacob, this had nothing to do with you."

He just kept standing there, looking down at me and it was making me very uncomfortable. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts.

"Jacob, you can leave now. I am fine, I promise."

He gingerly made his way over to me. _Why can't people take a fucking hint?_

"Can I sit down, Edward? I really would like to be your friend..." The deep timbre of his voice was so calming that it almost lulled me into allowing him into my bubble of despair.

Then just as quickly, reality snapped me back.

_You don't know anything about him, he pretty much implied he wanted to sleep with you versus getting to know you. Is that someone you really need in your life right now? Hell no!_

_"_Jacob, honestly none of this is any concern of yours. I need to get out of here and I don't really need a friend like you. I need friends that want to be my friend without the benefit of trying to get in my pants." With that parting shot I jumped up and ran out of the bathroom.

_My life was such a fucking mess right now._

"Edward...Edward!" I heard Jacob calling out my name as he followed me, but I kept going. Needing to get the hell away from school, I raced out to the parking lot.

My hand was on the door handle of my car when Jacob finally caught up to me.

He was panting and out of breath, "Man...you sure run fast, Edward. Now can you please stop so I can talk to you?"

Exhaling a big breath, I braced myself and turned to him with any icy stare.

_This was so fucking exasperating, what part of 'I don't want to be your friend' was unclear to this idiot?_

"What do you want, Black? I really don't have time for this right now." All I desperately wanted to do was to be by myself to cry, scream, kick and wallow.

_That's real mature, asshole..._

"I want to apologize, Edward. I really do want to be your friend, you look like you could use one right now....and trust me, your pants are safe from me." Looking over at him, I saw that brilliant smile on his face.

Chuckling at him was involuntary, because inside I still wanted to be angry, but that was such an unexpected answer. I gave in and decided to quit being a jerk for the time being. "

My pants are safe, huh? You sure about that?"

He held up two fingers.

"Scouts honor, not that I was ever a scout. Can we call a truce?" He asked, extending his hand out to me.

I reached forward, allowing his strong, warm hand to engulf mine..._he is a huge fucking boy._

_"_Yes, truce. Why don't we start over. Nice to meet you, I'm Edward Cullen." I started shaking his hand and he smiled at me.

"Jacob Black, nice to meet you too." We were both smiling like a bunch of tools, but I needed this bit of comic relief to help get past the disaster that was my day.

"So, Edward, as your friend, you going to tell me what's up? What got you so spooked that you had to shoot out of history like that? I mean, people have reacted like that to me before, being so handsome and all, but it usually isn't the fight or flight reflex I produce."

He was certainly a jokester and laughing felt so good. Having him for a friend might not be such a bad thing, but I was still uncertain. Being all about complete honesty I only kept people close to me that were as well. I knew I needed to be upfront with him about any possible relationship, since I was the one to hit on him first.

_Not your finest moment by the way...no shit, Sherlock._

I decided to go ahead and answer him truthfully, well as much as I could. If I was going to try to be friends with him, it was the least I could do. I still felt like an ass for leading him on in the first place.

"It's really no big deal, I just thought I had a better grip on a situation than I did. The reality of it all was a lot harder to take than I assumed." By that time I was leaning backwards against my car and Jacob came over and leaned right next to me.

"Look, Edward, I know we don't really know each other but you seem like a nice guy. You probably aren't comfortable telling me what the problem is, but I would like to do what I can to help you. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to be your friend." He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Jacob, I need you to understand that all I can offer you is my friendship and nothing else. Can you accept that and still be my friend?" I didn't really want to sound like a prick, but he might get the wrong idea and I didn't think I could deal with that as well. The idea of using him to help forget Mr. Whitlock was good in theory, but when actually put to use was a fucking disaster.

"You want the honest truth? You really aren't my type, Ed. I like boys more like your friend Emmett, but you tell _him_ that and you are dead my friend."

Shoving him with the shoulder closest to his, I growled, "Don't fucking call me Ed...Jakey. What do you mean I'm not our type...I'm a fucking catch, baby."

He laughed at me and shoved back, " Oh I know you are, now the question is, my friend, who is the one that has you in a twist. I know that look, Edward. The only thing that can tear you up like that is another person, trust me, I know."

_How in the world could he tell that about me? Am I that transparent?_

"You couldn't possibly know what I am going through, it's not feasible." The pain I had was mine and mine alone. There was no way he could understand or grasp it, he was too young.

_And what, Edward? You are an old man? You are seventeen fucking years old, get a grip._

"Oh, Shit," Jacob gasped. "I was supposed to tell Whitlock if you were okay or needed to go home, dammit. It is almost time for the bell."

When he said his name it pounded me right in the solar plexus like a fist. The way he was glaring at me in class was awful. It made me feel like I was nothing more than an annoyance he had to deal with. The feeling was unsettling.

Trying to calm myself, I started taking deep breaths. Jacob witnessing another panic attack was not high on my to-do list for the day.

He was looking at me with confusion etching his handsome face.

"What's wrong, Edward. Are you okay?"

Continuing to stare at him, I was at a loss for words. Strong arms wrapped around me and held me while he tried to calm me down.

Whispering into my hair, he kept repeating over and over again, "You're okay...It's going to be okay, I am here for you if you need me, just please...calm down."

His voice really was like a peaceful song to meditate too, he was bringing me back down from my anxious high and helping my body to relax. Jacob Black was definitely going to be a good friend for me. The bell finally rang and school was letting out, but I was reluctant to be let go of and he sensed that. The comfort of his fevered body was like wrapping a blanket, fresh from the dryer, around yourself.

"Edward, I think you really need to talk to someone about what is going on. Is there someone I can call for you?"

Not even realizing that silent tears had rolled down my cheeks, I felt Jacob wiping the wet trails away with his fingers.

"No, I'll be fine, I promise. Today was just a bit stressful for me. I really need to go back into the office to see about getting switched out of history."

He pulled back and scowled, "Did something happen with someone in history? Is that why you want to transfer?"

Nodding my head, I spoke directly into his chest so over eager ears . "Yes, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't feel the same way and honestly, I need to get over it. I just thought things would change, but it was stupid and immature on my part. I just need to get out of there."

Speaking quietly so no one else could hear, he told me "I sure will hate to see you go, but I told you that I understand, more than you think. That's why I left the reservation, I had to get away from someone."

"You did?" I asked, pulling my head back to look at him. "Why?"

"Similar reason, although he wasn't ready to be out with me and actually took to making fun of me with the others and that hurt the worst. I needed to get away from him and make a clean break, so you see...being just your friend is exactly what I need."

Just like a lightning strike I felt the electric jolt and I stiffened in Jacob's arms. Looking up I was met with the fiery gaze of Mr. Whitlock once again.

_If Jacob can be strong enough to take what he did and come out the better, stronger man, I can do it too. I will not back down!_

I held his gaze, and the blazing in his eyes turned to something else. It was like he was trying to communicate to me with his eyes and I desperately wanted to know what he was trying to say to me, but it's not like I could run up and ask him. I held his eyes with my own instead, begging him silently to understand what I needed from him for all of this to be okay.

_God, Jacob was so right! I need to talk to someone about this, but the only person I could talk to was Mr. Whitlock...how can I do it?_

He finally broke the stare and got into his car to drive off. At last, my body could relax. Calmness started to seep in and reluctantly I let Jacob go.

"You going to be okay, Cullen?" he asked, concern evident on his face.

"Yes, _Black_, I will be okay." _Were we on a last name basis now? _

"That's good," he said, cracking his knuckles in front of him. "I would hate to be the bringer of destruction to some poor, unlucky schmuck on my first day here." Jacob was flexing his biceps, acting like a bad-ass. He reminded me so much of Emmett right now and that struck me right in the funny bone.

I started laughing, hard trying to pant out to him in between breaths. "I...heard that's...why you left...the Rez school...too much...fighting."

"Really," he guffawed. "That the story? If you want the truth, you should ask the subject."

The laughter continued for a few more minutes and he made no move to stop the waves rolling through me.

Finally starting to calm down, I wondered, "What's the real story, Jacob?"

"You know, they found out about my porn career and it was deemed inappropriate since I made it on the grounds of the school and they kicked me out."

_His tall tale was worse then Paul Bunyan. Too bad Emmett was straight, they would be perfect for each other with matching sense of humors and wit. _

"Yeah, I thought you looked familiar...it was the one with the big hairy guy you kept calling 'Daddy', right?"

It was Jacob's turn to take a ride on the chuckle train and I was glad it was _me_ who had finally made _him_ laugh.

We were standing there, still smiling when Alice ran up to me.

"Edward, what happened to you? Huh?" Throwing her arms around my mid-section, she pulled me tightly to her. She was obviously frazzled.

"What are you talking about, Ali?" She had me perplexed as to what would cause her to be so concerned about me.

"Don't play stupid, Edward. First, you were acting so weird this morning and then the word around the school is that you bolted from your last class and never returned. I was so worried, you have to talk to me. I need some answers, Edward."

_I know you do Ali, and I really want to give them to you, but there is just no way._

_"_Alice, let's go home and we can talk there...okay?"

"Okay, let's go then." She climbed into the car and waited for me.

_Anxious much?_

I turned back towards Jacob.

"Thanks, Jacob...you were...unexpected."

He clapped me on the back and pushed me towards the car. "Oh, Edward...you are making me blush. Now get the hell out of here and I will see you tomorrow." Then he strode off in the direction of a motorcycle and hopped on.

_Holy Shit, that is so hot...there are no rules against admiring the scenery._

I hopped into my car and we took off towards the house. Alice was silent in the car the whole way home. My iPod was the only thing that made the quiet bearable. She was usually so full of energy after school, telling me all about her day and I felt bad that I was the reason she was calm. It was almost eerie.

Pulling into the garage, I parked the car and we went inside. Alice walked straight over to the coffee pot and started to brew a new pot full. She only did that when she knew that we had something important to talk about. She was more of a Red Bull girl but knew I needed java to open me up.

Walking over to the cupboard, I got down the mugs and put them next to the cream and sugar. The brown liquid dripped slowly into the carafe. As slow as it was going, it was still too quick for me. This was not a conversation I relished having with my sister, but I knew when all was said and done I would feel better about everything.

"Alice," I called out to her loudly. "You are making me crazy with the silence, what the fuck?"

She jumped up at that, I actually startled the little imp. She was hard to take by surprise.

"I was waiting for you, Edward. There is something you aren't telling me and I am just trying to lay low for a minute until you are ready to talk." She looked hurt that I had raised my voice to her yet again today and I felt like a prick.

"Sorry Al, let's get our coffee's and we can head out to the deck and talk, alright?" I leaned over and kissed her head while she poured our drinks.

Going out ahead of her, I flipped on the heaters and took some blankets out there so she wouldn't get cold. Being a tiny little thing she had no body fat to keep her warm. I always made fun of her for having cold hands and feet. When we watched movies, she always took off her socks and tried warmed her toes on legs. That action had made me bolt from the couch since we were kids and then she would stretch out and take the whole thing while I sat on the floor. It was actually pretty smart of her.

Stepping out to the deck, she handed me my cup and then curled up into one of the chairs and started to sip on hers. I set down my mug and walked over to her and covered her up.

She smiled up at me, "Thanks, Edward. I'm ready when you are."

I let took a deep breath and released it. _This was not going to be easy._

"Something happened while you were gone to see Grandma, Alice."

"I figured as much, Edward. I asked Mom and Dad about it and they pretty much told me it was not their story to tell. They were pretty vague about it actually."

My parents were the greatest and they had never once betrayed my confidence and I was glad they didn't start now. Now I had to figure out what exactly I could say to her without revealing too much.

"See, the thing is, I had been pretty much lusting after someone for awhile."

"What!" she interrupted. "And you didn't tell me? Who is it?" She was bouncing in her seat, obviously excited.

_There's my Alice...hyper little shit._

"Alice, would you shut up?" I blew out an exasperated breath. "I can't tell you the fucking story if you are going to stop me every time you hear something you want to expound on."

She gave me her famous "go to hell" look.

"So sorry, Edward. You have never told me about liking anyone, I was just excited to find out is all. I will be quiet now."

"The thing is Ali, it isn't a great story with a happy ending. Right now it is a pretty fucked up disaster."

She kept her promise to keep her mouth shut, so I continued.

"I pretty much threw myself at this person, which I know now was not my brightest idea. After we messed around, he pretty much told me that I wasn't anything but an error in judgment. It was pretty fucking painful and humiliating."

I looked over at her, she was about to burst. "You may speak, Alice."

"What the hell, Edward. Who is it? And what do you mean an error in judgment?" She could talk faster than anyone I had ever met. It could make your head spin at times.

"I can't tell you who, Alice. I made a promise to him. He isn't exactly, how do I put this, available."

She gasped, "You mean he is someone else's boyfriend? Why would you do that, Edward?"

Shaking my head in disbelief, I yelled, "Fuck no, Alice. Do you really think I would knowingly do something like that? I thought you knew me better than that?"

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to think when you say unavailable? Huh?" She was starting to get frustrated with me.

I didn't see how I could do this without breaking his trust.

"What if you had a secret, Alice. One that you couldn't tell anybody? If you did, and it got found out, someone would be in serious trouble. What would you do?" I was almost whispering by the end of my sentence, but I needed her to tell me what to do here. I didn't have the strength to hold it in anymore.

"Is it something illegal, Edward? Are you in some kind of trouble?" She asked quietly.

"It's not what you think, Alice. Nothing like that." Poor Alice, she probably thought I was into drugs or something. She had a wild imagination.

"Well, if it isn't anything illegal but the person could get in trouble I guess it would all depend on how I felt about them. Did I feel strongly enough to keep it or did it really not matter and I could just get it off of my chest?"

Looking her dead in the eyes, I sighed. "I think I love him, Alice. I don't know for sure, because I have nothing to compare it to."

"Oh, Edward," she breathed. "If you feel that strongly, then I wouldn't do anything to make waves. As much as I would like to know who, it is not my secret to keep and I don't really want to."

She was right, she shouldn't have to bear the burden of it as well. I trusted her, but I didn't know if she could keep her mouth shut once she found out who it was.

"I just don't know what to do, Alice."

"Have you tried talking to him since?" she asked.

"No, he pretty much told me to change classes so we wouldn't have to see one another. Why the fuck would I talk to him?"

"What do you mean change classes, Edward?" she asked incredulously.

_Oh fuck!_

"Um, nothing Ali." _Holy shit, what was I going to do? Fuck, dammit, shit, mother fucker!!!_

"Edward, why would this person get in trouble and tell you to change classes? Answer me dammit!"

_Fuck, she never cusses._

"I didn't mean change classes, Alice. Oh, God..." my voice broke at the end and I buried my face in my hands.

_What have I done?_

I heard her get up and saw her feet as she knelt in front of me. "Edward, look at me and tell me it's not what I think it is?"

Looking up at her I murmured, "What do you think it is?"

"Does he work there? Is it a teacher or a sub, Edward?"

My heart was about to pound out of my chest and I felt like a caged animal backed into a corner. I didn't know _what_ to say.

"It's not a teacher, Alice. It's a student that is not openly gay." Lying to her made me feel awful, but I couldn't tell her about Mr. Whitlock, I just couldn't.

"Well why would he get in trouble then?"

_Ooh, I forgot about that one._

"Because we messed around on campus and he is afraid of being kicked out of athletics if I tell someone and his coach finds out."

_Not good, but not too bad either, Edward. You are getting better at this lying business, and that is not a compliment._

_"_Really, Edward?" she was skeptical in her response.

"Yes, Alice. Why would I lie about it?" _Just fucking believe me, okay?_

She didn't say a fucking word for five full minutes and the wait was driving me up the wall. She turned and looked at me with accusing eyes and finally spoke to me.

"I am not an idiot, Edward. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, but if you want to play it that way, so be it."

"What the hell, Alice? I need you on my side here. Don't you see that?" She was the basis of my support system and without her the foundation would crumble around me. Alice and I were so very close and I refused to let this drive a wedge between us.

"I don't know what to say to you, Edward. If what you are telling me is the truth, I think you have had plenty of time to cool off and you need to talk to him. Maybe you will leave that conversation feeling better, but then maybe you won't."

Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and and inhaled the cool, afternoon air. "What do I say to him?"

"Well, I don't know. You really haven't given me the entire story. If I promise not to say a word, will you tell me?"

_God, I loved her._

"Okay, Alice...but please let me finish before you say anything." She nodded her head in affirmation and put her cup to her lips and took a drink.

"Like I said before, I had pretty much had a crush on this person for an entire semester." _Crush...really? You sound like a fucking chick, maybe you should be in the bathroom with Emmett and the gossip clan._

_"_I didn't even know if he was gay, but I flirted with him anyways. I tried to be subtle in it, but sometimes I was a little over the top. The thing is, Alice, it was the subtlety that meant the most to me."

Taking a gulp of coffee, I continued on.

"It seemed like the times when our eyes would meet or we would pass casual glances, were when we actually _saw_each other. I could feel him watching me and I would look up and catch him trying to look elsewhere. If he managed to be quicker than me, it didn't matter, because I could tell when his eyes were on me even when I didn't glance his way. There was this connection, this current that flowed between us. I have never felt anything like it."

Closing my eyes, a smile broke free at the memories that actually made me happy when I thought about him.

"The problem then became that it wasn't enough for me, I wanted more. Looking back now, I should have left it all alone. I royally fucked up when I decided that I had to have him...even for just a brief moment. I thought it would be enough and that was just one mistake of many."

Glancing over at her, I knew this was almost too much. She was not used to sitting still and silent for this long, but she was trying really hard.

"I am almost done, Ali. I promise." The comfort fled my body as I braced myself to relive the memories I was still trying to bury.

"On the last day before we got out for winter break, I waited until I knew he would be alone and locked us into a room. We both had the same reaction I think…freaked out yet unable to stop once it started."

Rubbing my fingers over my forehead, I tried to figure out how to finish the conversation without too many details that a sister really didn't want to hear about her brother.

"I am going to be a good brother and leave out the explicit details, but our connection was explosive. Never once when it was over did I think it would end well, but I sure as hell didn't think it would go down the way it did. He pretty much told me it was a mistake and never should have happened and that if we weren't in the same class it would be easier for both of us."

Her hands came down on my shoulders and I felt her arms wrap around me from behind. When she did that, my throat started to clog with emotion.

_Dammit, I was fine until she fucking hugged me. _

"Today was the first day I have seen him since. He glared at me talking to Jacob and I kind of panicked and ran away." That was it, I couldn't say another word without losing it all over again, so I just lingered in her embrace while I let it all sink in for her.

"Edward," she sighed. "I don't know what the right thing to say here is. First and foremost know that I love you so much and I hate that this happened to you. Can I ask you something though? And feel free to tell me it isn't any of my business, but did you have sex with him?" Her arms tensed around me and I knew it was difficult for her to ask.

"No, Ali...no sex. You know I won't do that until I meet the right person. We always promised each other that and I have no plan on throwing it all away on just anybody."

That was one thing we had always agreed upon. We never wanted to have sex just because. It would be magical and meaningful. We were realistic, neither one of us had ever said 'no sex before marriage', but there would definitely be love involved. The person who was deserving enough to receive my virginity would be pretty fucking special, he would have to be for me to even trust him enough to allow that.

"I am so glad to hear that. I would hate to think of you losing it in a classroom. Now, why do you think he was glaring at you today? Do you think he was mad that you were talking to someone else? Jealous? What?" She had now moved around to sit in front of me so we could talk face to face.

"I don't know, Alice, and that is the part that is sending my imagination into overdrive." Why _was_ he so damn pissed, he had no right to be. He was the one who told me that we needed to forget about it all.

"I think you need to talk to him. Face to face." she said matter-of-factly.

_Was she fucking insane? Talk to him, how? "Hi Mr. Whitlock, it's me, Edward. Can we please talk about you blowing me in class? Thanks...you're the best."_

_Like that would fucking work._

"I don't see that one happening, besides, I don't even know how to get a hold of him." This was not the advice I was hoping to get from her.

"Edward, stop being a wuss. You can't have a face to face over the phone. You need to go to his house and talk it out. I think you will both feel better."

"How do you propose I do that? I don't know where he lives." This was getting ridiculous, I needed to put a stop to it. If she knew who it really was, there was no way she would be encouraging me to go to his house.

She looked at me like I was an idiot, "It's _Forks_, Edward. How hard do you think it would be to find his house? There is directory assistance, a phone book and people around town you could ask too."

This _was_ certainly a small town. He would not be hard to track down...

_Slow the fuck down, Edward. Why are you even considering it? You can't just show up and go all stalker on him, can you?_

The more I thought about it, the more I realized Alice might be right. Maybe if we did talk and he could just give me some answers, I would feel better.

"Alice, I'll think about it," she smiled at me and winked.

"You will do more than think about it, you _will_ go and you will leave there feeling somewhat better. I am not saying it is all going to be hearts and roses, but you will feel better."

Alice always did have a way with words, and usually, her little predictions were pretty accurate. She could see deeper into my soul than anyone else and always knew what I needed to function a little better than before.

Standing up, I pulled her into a hug and held her tightly.

"Thank you, Alice. You're the best, " I said quietly.

They hugged each other hard once more and let go. "You knew what to do all along, Edward. I just pushed you there a little quicker. I have homework to do, but if you need me we will talk later, okay?"

Smiling at her, I nodded. "Okay, Al...I need to get mine done too."

Running up the stairs, I looked up his information and BINGO, we had lift off. I checked my reflection in the mirror and decided it didn't really matter what I was wearing, I was just going there to hopefully get him to talk to me.

Scribbling a note to my mom not to wait on me for dinner or anything else tonight, I left it on the counter and left the house.

After talking to Alice and Jacob, I knew what I needed to do. Thank goodness that Forks _was_ a small town. Finding Mr. Whitlock's address was so easy, I even found out his first name, Jasper. Driving there was the scariest thing I had ever done. I just knew that there was no way that I could continue on in any part of my life until we cleared the air. Even if he told me that he only wanted for us to remain teacher/student and then go our separate ways after graduation, I needed to know.

_Well, if that thought doesn't rip my fucking heart to shreds, I don't know what would._

Pulling up around the corner I parked and decided to jump right out. If I didn't, I would kill time in the car until I talked myself out of it. I jogged to his house and ran up to the door. Taking a a huge breath, I knocked.

Nothing. Knocking again, I waited. Still Nothing.

_Okay, Edward, he either isn't home or he knows it's you. Let's face it, both options sucked ass._

I rang the doorbell, then peered in through the window. All the lights were off in the house. Deciding earlier that I wasn't leaving until I talked to him, I sat down on the porch to wait for him. Time dragged on and it was cold, I curled myself into a little ball and finally fell asleep.

What only seemed like a short time later, I was being woken up with a gentle shaking of my shoulders. I opened up my eyes and was met with the beautiful, clear blue orbs of Mr. Whitlock. He had squat down in front of me and both hands were on my shoulders.

"What are you doing here Edward?" he asked harshly. "Are you trying to get me arrested or fired?" He was breathing heavily, obviously nervous by my being here.

"God no, Jasper," pushing myself up, I turned my angry gaze towards him. "You believe I want you in jail? Is that what you think of me?"

He was looking at me, silent and stunned.

"What did you call me?" he asked, confusion tinting his words.

"I called you Jasper, that is your name, isn't it?"

He looked at me, an unknown emotion clouding up his eyes. "Yes," he whispered. Stepping up to me, he took me by the hand and led me towards the door.

"Come inside, Edward. I think we need to have a real talk." The place where our skin was connected set my soul ablaze, and I grasped his hand tightly.

I followed him in and prayed for strength. The outcome of this talk could very well set the path for my future and I knew which way I wanted it to go. I only hoped when it was all said and done that he would feel the same way.

We walked in and the first thing I noticed was the large purple stain on the wall and the broken pieces of glass everywhere.

_Holy shit, what the hell happened in here?_

"Oh man, I forgot about the mess. Sorry, Edward. Give me a second, okay? You can sit on the sofa." He pointed to a beautiful leather sofa on the other side of the room. Nodding my head at him, I walked over and sat down.

Jasper, _man it felt weird to call him that,_started to pick up all the pieces of glass on the floor from what was obviously a wine bottle.

"Um, Mr. Whitlock? Can I help you?" I felt ridiculous sitting there watching him.

"No," he roared. "Stay put!" He whipped his head back around and continued on what he was doing.

_Jeez, it's not like I offered to massage his dick or something._

_"_Okay, what happened in here?" I wondered out loud.

"Just got frustrated for a minute and unfortunately a $60 bottle of wine was the victim." he huffed.

He walked over to a closet and pulled out a vacuum. Flipping it on, I watched him while he swept the carpet with the machine for all the little shards that were left.

_Fuck me, he was even hot when he fucking vacuumed the damn carpet._

He shut it off and out it away, "I'll worry about the walls and stuff later." He looked at me with contempt and asked me; "Now, Edward, what the hell are you doing here?"

_Shit, he looked pissed. Maybe this wasn't such a bright idea, Einstein._

"I just wanted to talk to you. No, I _need_ to talk to you." Standing up I started to make my way over to where he was.

"I think you should stay over there, Edward. What is there to talk about?" He had an impassive look on his face, it made me apprehensive to continue.

"Are you serious? What is there to talk about?" He was starting to piss me off, so I ignored his request and walked over to where he was.

When I was close enough to see his eyes clearly, I continued on. "Why were you glaring at me today? Do you want me out of your class? Did you just love seeing me run out of class, making a fool out of myself? What is there to talk about? Do you think I can go through everyday feeling like this?" My voice was steadily getting louder and I was yelling by the time I got to the last line.

His eyes were blazing bright and he got right in my face when he shouted right back at me, "What about how I feel? Did you ever think about that? At least you have the option of running out of my goddamn classroom, I was stuck there. I had to stay because I am the fucking teacher, Edward!"

His face got closer as he sneered, "Did Jacob make it all better? Was he next on your list? Who's the next lucky bastard, Edward. You seem to bounce back rather quickly, so I honestly don't know what your problem was in my class today." He flipped his back to me and walked towards the window.

By this point I was seething, "Fuck you, Mr. Whitlock! You have no _idea_ what I have been going through."

He stalked towards me quickly and spun me towards the wall, pushing me against it. He plastered his body to the back of mine and I could feel the hardness of his cock grinding into my ass. My dick sprung to life immediately from his hands on my body.

He put his mouth right on my ear and raggedly exhaled, "You'd like that, wouldn't you? For me to fuck you right against this wall..." He ground his hips even harder into mine and I groaned out loud.

"Fuck, Jasper...God...please...." I rasped out loud. I ground my head into the wall, exposing my neck to him and he buried his face there. Wanting so badly to grab onto him, I tried to free my hands that he had pinned to the wall in front of me.

"Don't fucking move, " he moaned against my neck. He placed a long, wet kiss on the side of my throat, "Did Jacob do this to you? Answer me! Did he put his hands on you, Edward?"

_Fuck, a jealous Mr. Whitlock was hot!_

His mouth swept down my collarbone, " Did he taste you here?" He lifter his head and traced the shell of my ear with his hot, slick tongue. "How about here? Did it feel good to you?"

He grasped me by my shoulders and spun me around, he was staring at my mouth. Leaning in, he placed his mouth right in front of mine, our ragged breaths hot against each other's mouths.

"Did you let him taste you here?" His fevered lips attacked my own.

We kissed with brutal force and when I could take no more, I plunged my tongue into his intoxicating mouth. He groaned loudly, which was such a fucking turn on. He fought for dominance as his satin tongue swept my entire mouth. Our lips came together and parted over and over again. In that moment, I realized it would never be enough. I would always need more from him.

_He was going to break me and there was nothing I could to stop it._

"Tell me, please...I need to know," he gasped against my open mouth. He pulled his face back and I caught the reflection of unshed tears in his eyes.

Leaning forward ever so slightly I whispered, "No, just you...God, Jasper...only you." Pushing my face forward, I caught his lips in my own once again. He finally let my hands go and I grabbed onto his hair while seeking friction for my aching cock against his hips.

"Call me Mr. Whitlock," he growled in my ear.

_Holy fuck...my dick is about to fucking explode!_

"Mr. Whitlock," he groaned out loud when I called him that. "Take my fucking clothes off, " I begged of him.

He pulled his head back and smirked slyly at me, "With pleasure."

He yanked my shirt up and over my head, tossing it behind him. "Fucking perfection," he hissed, as he pinned my hands to the wall once again. He nipped his way down my neck, then sunk his teeth into my shoulder. I cried out in pleasure and pain all at once.

_Damn, he likes to bite._

_"_Promise me, Edward...promise me that he didn't fucking touch you." He was laying frantic kisses all up and down my chest and throat, and his hands gripped my ass and pulled me towards him. My dick was desperate for contact with his, I needed him so fucking bad.

"I promise...he only...hugged me," I panted out in between moans. Pushing on his shoulders and looking him square in the eye I asked, "Now tell _me_, Mr. Whitlock...did anyone else touch _you_?"

His hands immediately stilled and he pulled his mouth away from me. His eyes were ablaze and seared into mine. Closing his eyes, he hung his head down and kept his hands on my shoulders.

"Yes," he sighed. "I'm so sorry, Edward." His voice was rough with emotion.

I felt like I had just been dropped into an icy lake. I was drowning in agony. Meeting his eyes with my own, I saw the red-rimmed edges which held the evidence of his own turmoil. Unfortunately, all I felt was mine.

My gaze didn't waver as the tears fell from my eyes. Pushing his hands off of my shoulders, I sunk down to the ground.

_I really was nothing to him...I was fucking broken..._

_

* * *

  
_

**A/N: You guys have blown my mind with your reviews…holy crap!! I had no idea so many people would take to my crazy little story. Look what you made me do? Poor Edward…he took up over 7K words….I hope all the Edward skeptics feel a little better about him now…and sorry for leaving it off there, but I really want the rest to be in Jasper's POV.**

**This chapter was really fucking hard to write and I hope I got it done to your satisfaction…please let me know!!**

**Reviewers get a teaser of Chapter 8…IF YOU DID NOT GET A TEASER LAST TIME…YOU LEFT AN ANONYMOUD REVIEW. I respond to each and every one of you and there were actually some people who left anonymous reviews and wanted the teaser and I felt bad that I couldn't send it. So please sign in to review if you want the teaser…thanks!!!**

**Until next time…**

**Robyn**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Huge thanks to my beta Darkira who stopped me from scrapping this chapter and helping me fix it…honestly I threw away 4 versions of this before I settled on this one.**

**Disclaimer: I own my iPhone…SM owns the rest…see you at the bottom…**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 8

JPOV

The silence in my living room was was thick with tension, the only sounds were the ragged breaths we were taking. Standing there, looking down at him in a heap on my floor, I was at a loss for words. What the hell was the right thing to say at that moment?

_Why the fuck did he have to ask me that? Why didn't I just lie?_

The tears that fell from his bright, emerald eyes before he hid them from my view were heartbreaking. My beautiful boy was such an emotional person. He went from passionate to utterly destroyed in seconds. The part that sucked the worst was that I had put that look in his eyes.

_You never should have brought him into your house, it had stupid written all over it._

Crouching down in front of him, I reached out and touched the back of his head.

"Edward, please say something," I begged.

He proceeded to push my hand off of his head and said absolutely nothing.

"I am so sorry, Edward. It's not like it meant anything to me anyway."

At that statement he took a deep, shuddering breath and his shoulders started to shake a little bit harder. I couldn't stop myself, I had to comfort him some how. Leaning forward I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and attempted to pull him close to me.

He shoved me away, seething, "Take your fucking hands off of me." His tear stained face sent daggers of pain right through me.

An exasperated sigh escaped my lips, "I thought you came her to talk, Edward?" He was making this a lot harder than it had to be.

_You need to remember that he is only 17...calm the fuck down, now!_

Patiently, I waited to see if he would say anything. Yet my watch showed that it was getting really late and he needed to get home at some point. The clock on the mantle was moving way too slow. The minutes seemed to trickle by as we sat there. It was frustrating.

The longer we sat there, the more I had time to think, and that was _not_a good thing.

_Fuck...what if he tells someone now that he is really pissed off at me?_

That thought along with losing Kate and my family were not sitting well in my stomach. It was up to me as the fucking grown up to get this situation under control. Getting up, I walked over to where I had thrown his shirt on the ground and brought it back to him.

"Here, Edward," I called to him, staying far enough back that he wouldn't feel like I was too close. "Can you put this back on please, so we can talk?"

Laying the shirt over his back, I sat back down on the floor. I kept a safe distance between us, but I really wanted to be on eye level when we talked.

_That and if you were standing over him and talking down to him, you would feel like a parent scolding a child....ughhhh._

He lifted his head, pulled the shirt on and buried his head back into his arms.

_Fucking great, he is too upset to say anything...you might expect those cops and news crews within an hour of him leaving at the rate we're going. _

I couldn't take the silence anymore.

Getting up from my uncomfortable spot on the floor, I walked over to my iHome and shuffled my classical playlist. The beautiful sounds of strings and woodwinds started to surround me, effectively calming me down. The maniacal thoughts centering around my brain started to slow down, clarifying as any lingering effects of the alcohol I consumed at the bar dissipated.

_What good did I think was going to come from all this? What happened to the decision I made upon walking to the door? What happened to waiting for graduation?_

_Jacob _Fucking _Black...that's who... _

I was old enough to fucking know better than to let jealousy take over...it was ridiculous. The things I did and said to him..._You are a fucking idiot._

_Note to self: don't go out and drink anything alcoholic when there might be sexy as fuck jail bait on the porch._

_Yeah...duly noted fucker, a little late now...thanks._

Apparently I had just enough alcohol left in my system to make me the the world's biggest dumb fuck.

_What the hell was I thinking, practically mauling him against the wall?_

What had I done? He wouldn't even look at me, much less talk to me. This wasn't how I saw this talk going, not at all.

Walking over to him again, I lowered myself to the ground and sat next to him. He sniffled and scooted further away from me.

"Edward, please...did you want me to lie to you?" How in the world did I explain to my beautiful boy...yes, he was still fucking _mine_...that I fucked around with Seth to try and forget him?

Watching his shoulders quiver with the tears he wouldn't let me see was breaking my heart. Never once did I plan for this to happen; I never had any intention of telling him about the boy at the bar. On the other hand, when he asked me I couldn't fucking lie to him, now could I?

He told me the truth about Jacob, and in my heart I knew he was being honest with me. Thinking about the two of them together made my body rage with jealousy. I knew that I said I would be okay with him being with Jacob until he graduated, but thinking about his hot, sweaty body against Jacob's infuriated me.

There had to be a way to make this right, but what could I say to him. If I felt the way I did about him being with another person, surely what he felt was similar. He must be so hurt. I just wanted to pull Edward into my arms and not let go until he understood exactly how I felt. Telling him would be so dangerous, for both of us.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward lift his head.

He stood up and in a gravely voice muttered, "Sorry about that, I'll get out of your hair."

No...he _couldn't_ leave.

Grabbing his wrist as he passed me, I pleaded with him, "Please, Edward, don't leave yet. Let me explain."

He yanked his wrist out of my hand, "Don't you ever fucking touch me again, you are not worth it."

He stalked towards the door and I did the only thing I knew to do. I dashed after him and as he put his hand on the handle, I grasped his arm, yanked him towards me and crashed my mouth into his.

Edward froze for a split second before he grabbed my hair in his hands and plunged his tongue into my mouth. A loud groan escaped my mouth as mine slid against the silky heat of his. He held my head in his hands with such force that I knew my mouth would be swollen and bruised in the morning, but at that point, I didn't give a fuck. I was grasping at straws to keep him from leaving.

His nails scraped down my neck and he grabbed my shoulders in his strong grip.

_Fuck, forceful Edward was making me insane..._

His mouth followed the path of his hands and then I felt him bite down on my collar bone, hard..._fucking shit that _hurt_! _

Then, with no warning, he shoved me backwards onto the couch.

Grabbing my hands an pinning them over my head, growled at me, "What part of don't fucking touch me do you not understand? You are such a fucking _asshole_!"

He brought his face directly over mine, I was starting to get a little bit scared. He was so furious with me.

"How dare you ask me if Jacob had put his hands on me, you don't own me. I am not a play toy for you, don't you get that?" He let my hands go, pushed me back and walked off.

"Edward, stop this!" I yelled, he needed to calm the fuck down.

"Why? So you can try and make yourself feel better? You should feel like a fucking champion...convincing a kid to fall for you so you could break him! You succeeded, I am broken you dick!"

He was yelling so loud, I was afraid someone was going to call the police and then I may as well kiss my entire life goodbye.

Trying a different approach, I spoke calmly, while boiling in anger on the inside. "Edward, can you please calm down so we can talk like grown-ups?"

_"_Grown-ups _Mr. Whitlock_? I wasn't aware there were any here."

_Oh God...why did he have to call me that?_

When I told him to call me Mr. Whitlock before, I was trying to get a handle on the situation and my behavior. If I allowed him to call me Jasper, it was too personal, too intimate.

The problem was, instead of clearing my head, it put me in a lust-induced haze. When those words left his mouth, I was thrown right into the middle of my own personal porn movie, I was the fucking star. It was a fantasy I had imagined many times, being called Mr. Whitlock by my lover as we fucked over my desk. Not once had the fantasy ever involved a student of mine.

_Your brain is going in the wrong direction...you really _are _an asshole._

_"_That was fair, Edward. I haven't been acting much like an adult lately. I never should have let my jealousy take over, it was wrong and I really am sorry." He rolled his eyes at me, shook his head and looked away.

_That's real mature...hey, at lest he didn't try to leave again, be grateful...ass..._

Edward cleared his throat and sat down, "Just say what you need to say to make yourself feel better because, being the kid, it is _way_ past my bedtime."

_Now he was just being ridiculous...but remember, you use sarcasm when you are angry too..._

Sometimes I wish the voice inside my head would shut the fuck up.

Trying to reign in my temper, I took some deep breaths so we could get this show on the road. He needed to get out of here and it was already almost 1am.

"Edward, I am not trying to make myself feel better here, I was just trying to tell you what happened."

He huffed and crossed his arms in front of him, looking like a petulant child.

After a few moments, he stood up and got in my face again.

"I will tell you what happened, you got pissed at me for something you thought I did because you had done it yourself. You accuse me of finding a string of lucky bastards, when unfortunately for me, the only one I have ever had has been you!" He was screaming at me by then end and I felt sucker punched.

"What do you mean you have only had me?" I rasped.

_How is that possible, look at him? He had to have at least kissed someone else, right? This was just getting worse._

His stance went from angry to defeated all at once, "Yeah, I didn't mean to say that. Look, I really need to get out of here before I say something I regret."

He walked towards the door and this time I couldn't decide whether or not to stop him. The fear of not knowing what he was going to do next drove me to beckon him back.

"Edward, can you please wait?" Hoping that he would say yes, I prayed he would say no.

Pausing at the door, he turned his head towards mine and wondered out loud, "Why? What's the point. All we do is get physical or angry, it isn't good for either one of us."

Walking to where he stood, I reached for his hand and tried to ignore the flinch of his eyes as I did. "Answer my question please, you have to have been with someone else, right?"

He slammed his eyes shut, let out a breath and gripped my hand hard before letting it go.

"I'm only 17 years old, how much experience do you think I have had? I am a homosexual male in small town America. How many opportunities do you think there have been for me?"

He didn't realize what he did, but his words were like daggers piercing my heart. They slashed away at the walls lodged in the inner chambers.

_So, what? I was just an outlet because I was the only one there?_

"Okay, I get it, Edward. There is now another gay male for you to play with, it probably is best if you leave now. I'm sure you and Jacob have some things you need to work out."

Walking towards the door, I opened it so he could leave and I could wallow. A flash of white flashed by my eyes as his arm reached out to slam the door shut.

"Don't you get it?" he cried out. "I don't want him, I only wanted you! Right or wrong, it has always been you!" He looked so dejected, so fragile and I felt so guilty.

Lifting his eyes to mine, I saw the tears glistening in his beautiful green eyes. They made my throat choke up with emotion, I didn't want him to hurt because of me anymore.

"Edward, " my quivering voice beckoned. "Please, let me explain to you. I need you to understand. You are not a play toy to me. You are...fuck, just listen to me, please? If you want to go after that, I won't stop you."

After only a brief pause, he nodded slightly and made his way to the sofa. He sat down, placed his back against the arm rest, pulled his legs up and looked over at me. I walked to the opposite end and mimicked his position. When he said nothing, I finally decided to just start.

"Edward, I am so sorry, for everything. I am sorry I encouraged you. I'm sorry I called you a mistake. I'm sorry I got jealous, but most of all I am sorry for the way I tried to put you out of my mind."

My beautiful boy was looking at me, his lip quivering and tears spilling down his alabaster cheeks. He looked like a broken angel and I wanted so much to be the one to put him back together. Even with red eyes and a splotchy face he was the most breathtaking thing I had ever seen. I wanted to hold him and take care of him forever.

"I am the one who should be sorry, Jasper. I never should have started what I did, I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself."

My arms were crying out to go to him and wrap him up in all the love I felt for him and I begged them to be patient, to wait. I was trying so hard to make this right, to fix the mess without causing permanent damage to whatever we could be in the future.

"It wasn't just you, I could have stopped you too. I should have been the one to stop you, but when you touched me, I lost it and I regret it deeply..."

"You fucking regret it?" he interrupted. "Why? Did you feel nothing? Was it just something to do until you found someone else to scratch the itch? Tell me! I need to know."

I lashed right back, "You have no idea why I did what I did. There is nothing that could "scratch the itch", I tried, it didn't work. I went to a bar, I _tried_ to forget you by using someone else's body, it didn't work, damn you! It didn't fucking work!" Jumping up, I continued my tirade against the stunned boy sitting on my couch. Trying to keep my cool only went so far when he kept pushing me.

"Everything about it felt wrong, his touch, his taste, the feel of his body against mine...it was all wrong..." My voice had dropped to nearly a whisper, "It was all wrong because it didn't feel like you."

Hearing a loud sob tear through him, my eyes shot up to where he was.

"Oh my God," he wailed. "You fucked him? You slept with someone? Did you feel nothing for me?"

_Dammit, this was all going so wrong._

"Are you not listening to me, Edward?" Stalking to where he was, I gripped him under the arms and hauled him up. "I didn't fuck him, I couldn't..."

Eyes glistening, lips swollen from his teeth tearing into them he whispered, "Why? Why couldn't you?"

I dropped my eyes and lowered my chin, "It wasn't you."

Both of our chests were taking deep breaths in and out. The silence was thick with tension.

"Why did it matter?" he asked. "Did you just want to finish what we started? Did you go there straight after that day in your classroom?"

_Oh fuck, he doesn't realize..._

"No, it was after school today. After I saw you and Jacob in the parking lot." Bracing myself for the rant that I knew was coming, I slowly backed away from him.

"It was today? You put your hands on me after they were on someone else? Your mouth...oh fuck..." He tore out of the room and flew down the hall. Opening the bathroom door, he ran in and held his head over the toilet. I ran after him and stood in the doorway.

"Edward, are you okay?" What the fuck was wrong with him? Was he sick?

"If I had a dollar for how many times I got asked that today I would be a rich man." He told me, his voice echoing in the bowl.

Sitting back on his heels, he apologized. "I'm sorry, I thought I was going to be sick for a minute. Do you have any mouthwash?"

I reached up around him and opened the cabinet. Pulling down the Scope I handed it to him. He stood up and opened the bottle. Taking a big swig, he rinsed and spit.

"That's much better, thank you." His voice was a little more steady, hopefully he was calming down. "Do you think I could get a moment of privacy and I'll be out in a minute?"

Taking the bottle from him I nodded, "Sure, Edward. I could use a minute myself."

Closing the door behind me I headed for the master bedroom and went into my bathroom. I brushed my teeth vigorously, _he was so right, why would I put my mouth on him when I had...ughhh._Washing my face as well, I dried off and headed back out to the living room.

He was sitting out there waiting for me, he looked perfect sitting there on my couch. How I wish things were different and he was what I could come home to every night. Maybe in the future, but not right now. We both had way too much on the line.

"Edward," he raised his head up and his gaze locked with my own. "You are so very right, I never should have put my hands on you today. It was unforgivable..."

"Why?" he cried. "Why was it so wrong? If you felt nothing, you wouldn't do it, right? Why do you have to make me feel like all of this is so wrong?"

"Because it is, Edward!" I roared. "I am your fucking teacher! I could lose my job, or worse, go to jail. Did you think about that...did you?"

He yelled right back, "Do you think I would do that to you? I fucking _love_ you! I am in _love_ with you! Don't you get it?"

My heart plummeted down to my feet as my soul opened and soared for the first time ever. It was a glorious and surreal feeling and I allowed myself to open up and feel for just a moment. To let the warmth course through my veins and spread through my body. His words were exactly what I needed to heal the parts of my soul that were shattered by my parents and Felix. He manged to undo years worth of scarring on my spirit with those words.

It was exhilarating.

"What did you say?" I rasped out.

His quiet voice murmured, "I love you, Jasper."

Pulling my beautiful boy into my arms, I held him like I had longed to all night. His arms wrapped around my waist and he laid his head on my chest. The sounds of Vanessa Mae's version of Nessun Dorma surrounded us and we started to sway to the music.

He put his mouth right on my ear, whispering, "I need to know, Jasper. I need to know how you feel." The longing in his voice was dripping from every word.

Pulling back slightly I laid a gentle kiss on his lips, "I can't tell you, but I can show you..."

His eyes darkened slightly and he swallowed slowly. Closing his eyes, his mouth met mine.

_"My kiss will dissolve the silence that makes you mine..."_ Those words from the aria were floating in my head as I kissed him with all the love and passion I felt but couldn't voice to him.

He was mine and I would never let him go.

Our mouths fused together and the kiss took my breath away. All of the others had been angry and passionate, these were slow and loving. Everything we felt came together in that one moment, it was heaven and hell. It was extraordinary.

Pulling back from him, I took his hand, "Please let me show you."

He nodded and I pulled him towards my room where I could shower my beautiful boy with the love he deserved.

Telling him how I felt was too much, too close to the danger zone. I could make him feel the emotions, the absolute adoration I had for him. It was the least I could do after making him so sad.

Walking into my room, he paused for a moment to take everything in. From the rich chocolate on the walls, to the king sized bed with the cream colored bedspread in the middle. The strains of music were still floating around us from the surround sound in the house. I walked around the room and lit the candles I had in there. Turning towards him, I beckoned him with my hand. Walking slowly towards me, my beautiful boy looked serene. He was fucking perfect in every way.

When he stopped in front of me, I reached down for his hand, never breaking my gaze from his. Bringing his long, elegant fingers up to my mouth I planted a kiss on each fingertip. His breath was already starting to get heavy. Moving my mouth down to his palm, I planted an open mouth kiss there and heard a low grumble in his chest. His eyes were hooded and his mouth parted.

Not being able to help myself, I leaned forward as his eyes closed slowly. The gentle touch of my lips against his was like a whisper in the air. Pushing forward a little more, I swept his mouth with my tongue. He leaned into the kiss and moved his tongue languidly with mine. I made love to his mouth with my own, while pulling his body closer to mine. His heart was beating erratically against my chest.

Moving my hands slowly down to his hips, I drew them forward to mine. The electric friction of our lower bodies coming together made all the feelings that much more powerful.

He groaned, "I fucking _love_ you," into my mouth.

Pulling him even tighter to me, I whispered, " Shhhh, just feel...." Kissing my way down his jaw to his throat, I moaned, "Feel what you do to me, my beautiful boy, feel _me." _

Placing his hand over my heart, I let him feel the way it beat for him and only him.

"Do you feel it, Edward? It's yours, all yours..."

His viridian eyes became crystal clear as understanding dawned on him. His mouth broke into a breath-taking smile as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Leaning forward, I traced it's path with my tongue all the way up.

"No more tears, Edward. No more..." I sighed into his ear.

"They aren't sad tears, Jasper, I promise." He smiled and I kissed him once again.

Walking him backwards, I never broke my mouth from his. When we reached my bed, we both fell on it together.

Breaking apart from him, I crawled my way to the top and pulled the covers back. Looking over at him, I saw him removing his beat up Chucks and removing his socks. I leaned over and did the same. Looking back over at him, he had that crooked grin I loved on his face and I saw my forever in his eyes.

This could be...no, _would_ be us...not now, but someday.

"Come here, Edward." Patting the spot in the bed next to me, he crawled up towards me.

We lay down facing one another and just stared for a few minutes. I counted the flecks of brown in his eyes that were set off by the candlelight. Reaching my fingers out, I ran my hands through the strands of auburn. My fingers traced the shape of his brows, glided down his cheek and caressed his jaw line.

Leaning forward, I nuzzled his nose with mine and gently laid my lips on his again. He opened right up to me and I explored the delectable cavern of his mouth, tasting every square inch and relishing in the flavor that was all Edward. Groaning loudly into his mouth, I rolled over slightly so half my body was laying on his. He was now flat on his back and all mine. Running my hand down his torso to his abdomen elicited a deep growl from his body.

Lifting my head slightly, I whispered, "You are so exquisite, Edward...you were made for my hands, my mouth, my ...heart..."

Kissing him one last time, I moved to my side and pulled him into me.

"Sleep now, my sweet boy. It's almost two in the morning, what time do you want me to wake you up?"

"Five...I can sneak back in and no one will be the wiser." He snuggled up into my side and I kissed his neck as I felt him start to get sleepy.

"Jasper," he rasped. "How is this going to work?"

Holding even tighter to me, I answered him as honestly as I could. "It's not going to right now, Edward. We are going to have to talk, somewhere public next time, and figure things out. You know as well as I do that we can't be anything to each other right now, it is against everything that we know to be right."

He stilled in my arms, waiting for me to continue. "If anything can ever happen, it is going to have to be after you graduate, you know that and I know that."

He meekly nodded, "I know... I just thought..."

"Edward, oh my angel...we will figure this out. If we both want this to work later, it will, but let's talk about this another time. We both have work and school tomorrow."

He turned his head and kissed me softly, "Goodnight, I love you...for fucking ever...I love you..."

Thank God his back was to me so he didn't see me mouth back silently, "I love you too...beautiful boy."

How all this was going to work tomorrow? I didn't know, but we would figure it out...together.

I knew there was a lot stacked against us, my family, the rest of the semester, even our plans after the year was over, but tonight nothing would weigh me down.

Setting my phone alarm, I fell asleep holding Edward in my arms and nothing had ever felt so fucking perfect.

He was mine...forever, if he would have me.

* * *

**A/N2: Okay…can I just say you guys are the best fucking readers ever…my review count went up by 96 after the last chapter…holy shit!!! To a little no one like me that is amazing…I love each and every one of you…BTW I got a Twitter and Facebook for my FF acct...links on my profile, can't promise I will say anything profound :-)**

**Some of you have asked my favorite stories..here are my faves right now:**

**Right There by OCDJen**

**Lessons Learned by MistyHaze420**

**Brand New Start by Darkira**

**Sketchbook Revelations by PolkaDotMama**

**A Tangible Dichotomy by PerfectlyPersuasive**

**Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon **

**That's all…going to go hide after this one and see what you say…you know what I crave and need…your reviews!! Can we blow the last chapter out of the water? Come one, I didn't even leave you a cliffie…show me the love and I will send you a teaser in return …**

**Until next time, **

**Robyn**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: First off thank you so much to Darkia and OnTheTurningAway for fixing this and making it look like a five year old didn't write it…thanks to TwiBoy for being the best thesaurus on Twitter.**

**Disclaimer: I own the plot…SM owns the rest…dammit!**

**See you at the bottom…..**

* * *

Project Chapter 9

EPOV

Laying there in Jasper's arms was like magic. I felt surrounded by his heart and engulfed by his soul. Telling him that I loved him was such a powerful feeling. Never once in my life had I ever let all my inhibitions go and just given into the situation. He pushed me and pushed me until I exploded. Screaming at him that I loved him was never how I planned to do it and I was sincerely regretting it now. There was no turning back, it was out there.

Snuggling in deeper, he unconsciously pulled me in tighter to his chest. His peaceful, even breathing was steady in my ear. As exhausted as I was from this day, I should be sleeping right along with him, but I was afraid. If my eyes closed, this day would be gone. This dream would end and I would awaken cold and alone once again.

As wonderful as it felt to be held there at that moment, I knew that there was no happy ending in sight and that was so fucking painful. My insides were once again in a huge tangle. This vast future loomed ahead of me, there was graduation, college, career, marriage, family and more. Things I never thought about, but now things that were pressing down on me like a big, heavy weight. It was stifling.

_You are 17 fucking years old.__,__Marriage Edward? Please!_

I couldn't control the thoughts, they were just there. Painfully there because now I couldn't see any of these without him and yet he gave no indication that he was at all interested in a future with me. He couldn't even fucking tell me how he felt about me. I was worth at least that, wasn't I?

Repeatedly the words flowed from me, he knew how I felt. He knew he was loved by me. Realistically, I knew there was nothing we could do right now. Our situation was, at that point, hopeless. He was right to be scared, he had more on the line than I did. The smartest thing to do would be to stay away from each other until after I graduated, but even then I am sure tongues would wag.

The problem for me was that he was older, wiser and more mature. My mind couldn't grasp the fact that someone like him would want someone like me. I was a kid to him, I knew that. Hell, he pointed it out to me enough. I wanted to be more than the enticing piece of forbidden fruit that you could look at but not touch.

When graduation came, would the newness of me wear off?

_Face it, it would. Hell, he already tried to fuck someone. _

That was even worse than thinking of a future without him in it. He put his fucking hands on someone else. How could he do that?

_Think about it dumb ass, if you meant anything to him at all he wouldn't have been able to do it. You know you couldn't. _

Well that answered that question. There was no way I could put my hands on anyone else the way I put them on him. There was no desire whatsoever to see another man's body, taste another man's skin or let another touch me in return. He was it for me, it would never get old for me. I would never tire of him, my eyes would never stray to someone else. I was so sure.

The hot tears that held the rivers of jealously flowing through my body fell freely from my eyes. He was sleeping so soundly and I was torn to fucking pieces inside.

How could he sleep? What was wrong with him, did he have no emotions whatsoever?

_You were on the receiving end of those emotions earlier, you know they were there._

I wanted to know what the man looked like. I wanted to know what happened.

How far did they go? Why did he go?

The questions floating around in my head were making me restless and I slowly disentangled myself from his arms and got up from the bed. I sat in the chair next to the bed and watched him sleep. He looked so young, so serene as he slumbered. I envied him.

I knew he was going to wake me up, but I needed to leave and clear my head. Leaning down I put my socks and shoes back on. Walking over to where he lay, I bent down and placed a tender kiss against hid warm, soft lips. His breath exhaled into my mouth and I couldn't help myself, I pressed forward a bit harder one more time.

His mouth opened up beneath mine and he moaned into my mouth.

_Fuck, I love him._

Weaving my fingers into his hair, I crawled onto the bed and slipped my tongue into his waiting mouth. He pushed his hands into my hair and pulled my mouth closer to his.

"You taste so fucking good," he rasped into my mouth.

My cock was now standing at full attention and I desperately needed to feel him against me. Slowly rolling him onto his back, I carefully laid on top of him, never letting go of his handsome face. Sliding my dick along his caused us both to moan, loudly.

_It shouldn't feel this amazing...fuck he's so hard....uuhhhhh._

Pulling away from my mouth, he buried his mouth into my neck whispering, "Fucking beautiful boy," as our hips ground into each other. I held him tightly to my chest while my dick rocked softly against his.

"God...Edward...so good..." He whimpered as I felt his body fall apart underneath me.

Lifting up slightly, I watched in awe as his body was overtaken by the orgasm that ripped through him. He was mystical, magical and magnificent watch. His body convulsing under mine sent me spiraling towards my own release.

"Fuck...Jasper.....Shit...," I cried out as my hips dug in a little harder.

As the last waves of cum spilled from my body, I collapsed on top of him. He brought my head up to his and devoured my mouth with his own. Our kisses went from frenzied and needy to slow and steady. With one last touch of his lips to mine, he pulled my head down to his chest.

Neither one of us said a word as our breathing regulated back to normal. His heart was pounding loudly under my ear and I grinned against his chest, already feeling better than I had before.

"Edward...." he huffed out. I felt him tense underneath me.

_Fucking great, here it comes, mother fucker...._

He took a deep breath and let it out.

"Come one, let's get cleaned up," he pushed me back gently.

As he sat up, he noticed my shoes. Looking from them and back up at me he ran his hand through his silky hair.

"Were you leaving?" He almost looked angry and definitely hurt.

"Yes, I was," I said quietly.

He pushed me all the way off, "Then what the fuck was that?" Pointing to where we just laid in the bed, his accusatory eyes pierced me.

_Shit, I guess I just ruined that. Fuckhead....._

_"_I only meant to kiss you goodnight and leave quietly. I was going to write you a note..." he pushed me all the way off and got up from the bed.

"A fucking note, Edward. Are we back in elementary school? Were you going to put a check yes or no box?" He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

_Wow, he was fucking pissed._

Figuring that he needed some time to cool down, I walked to the other bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I stripped off my pants and wet boxers. Using them to clean up as best I could, I looked around for something to put them in. The liner in the trashcan was empty, so I tied them up in there. I slid my jeans back on, washed my hands and left to head back to his room.

When I got back to the bedroom, the door to his bathroom was still closed.

Walking over to the door, I put my forehead on it and called out, "Jasper?" He didn't answer me at all, but I heard him turn on the water. "Are you going to stay in there all day?"

From behind the door he raged, "Get the fuck out and leave me a god damn note while you're at it."

Shaking my head at the way he was acting, I walked over to sit on the bed and wait.

After about ten minutes he yelled through the door, "Are you still fucking out there?"

I opted to keep silent and make him leave the bathroom.

_And I thought I was the child..._

He opened the door and poked out his head.

_Fuck me now, he was shirtless._

"Why are you still here?" he grumbled at me.

He crossed the room and pulled a tee shirt out of a drawer and put it on. The tattoo on his back made me want to throw myself at him again. I wanted to know what it meant, but now was not the time.

"I didn't want to leave when you were mad." I said frankly.

He huffed and rolled his eyes at me. "No, you would rather leave when I was asleep. What the fuck happened, Edward? I thought things ended better last night and that we were past all the running and hiding."

His eyes looked pained as he sat down in the chair. I didn't know what he wanted me to say.

"I couldn't sleep, so I figured I would go home and leave you a...letter that said we needed to have that talk."

_You wouldn't want to set the man off by using the word note again, now would you?_

He rubbed his hands up and down his face vigorously and exhaled. "Did you really think it would do us any good if you slunk out of here in the middle of the night without telling me first? And what about the bed? Did you mean to do that?"

Hanging my head down and looking at the floor I muttered, "No, I didn't."

He sucked in a breath and looked at me. "No?"

Swallowing hard, I went on, "No. I was only going to kiss you and go."

My heart was beating so wildly in my chest. He looked so downtrodden. I hated it.

"Then what....was it just....I think you need to go, Edward." He put his head in his hands and sighed.

"When I kissed you and your mouth opened up, I couldn't stop," I whispered into the air. "When I touch you I can't stop myself, I'm sorry."

My throat was starting to hurt and my nose burned. My vision started to cloud up as the tears filled my eyes. I held them back, refusing to let them spill. I

"I should have stopped, Edward...but fuck, I was half asleep." He lifted up his head and looked at me. We just sat there looking at one another for a few moments.

Trying to fix the mess I made, I mouthed "I love you" to him.

He closed his eyes and reached for my hands. We both stood up and he hugged me, hard.

"You can't come over here again, you know that, right?" I nodded my head against him.

I spoke in a muffled voice against his shirt, "I really need to talk to you though. I need some answers from you, please?"

"Tomorrow, after school." he told me as he took his arms from around me. "We can drive to Port Angeles in separate cars and meet somewhere to talk. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can do that." Looking right into his sapphire eyes, I asked, "Do you have nothing to say when I tell you that I love you?"

_God dammit, the fucking tears were trying to come back up. Stay down, fuckers...._

Turning his back to me he called out softly, "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" It fucking hurt that he wouldn't even look at me.

"Alright, Jasper. I'm going to go now, I will see you in class later today." With a dejected sigh I walked out of the room and never once did he turn around and fucking look at me.

_Bastard!_

I trudged out to the living room, looked back one more time at his back and went to the door. I turned the knob, then opened and shut it behind me as I left.

_Tomorrow was going to suck. Again._

Walking down the block to where I had parked my car, I regretted ever trying to leave while he was sleeping. I got in the car and drove to my house.

Pulling into the garage, I tried to be as quiet as I could when I went into the kitchen. Taking about five steps in, the lights flipped on. There, standing in front of me with her arms crossed, was my very angry mother.

"Where were you Edward Anthony Cullen? Do you realize what time it is?"

_Whoa, she was furious. I thought she would have gone to sleep._

_"_I was just out and lost track of time, sorry?" I uttered sheepishly.

This was a first, so I did not know what to expect from her.

"Where were you, Edward. Answer me truthfully, did you go see that boy, the one who bruised your neck? You can't tell me you were at Emmett's, we called him."

_Well fuck...where was I? Aha...light bulb...._

_"_There was a new kid at school today and I went over there to hang out with him and we fell asleep watching a movie, I lost track of time."

_Please believe me..._

"_Really_, Edward?" she exclaimed sarcastically. "Is that the best you can do? We called Jacob, at least Emmett did, try again." She was losing her patience.

"I...oh hell...went for a drive and wasn't ready to come home. I needed to think." I leaned against the island and put my head in my hands.

"Edward Anthony, I will say this once and only once. Don't you _ever_ do that to me again...look at me when I am talking to you!" Her voice was rising to dangerous decibels.

Raising my eyes to meet hers, I saw the fear in her eyes and I felt awful. She shouldn't have to worry about me, I should have thought this all through better.

_Smooth...jackass._

I walked over to where she stood and hugged her tight. She started to cry and I hated when she cried.

"No more chances, Edward. This is your only one. _Never_ do that again. Do you know what I would do if something happened to you? They would have to bury me right along with you because I wouldn't survive anything happening to you or your sister." She was holding me so tight and I was sick that I made her worry.

"Why didn't you call me mom?" I started to search for my phone.

She pulled it out of her robe, "You mean this one?"

_Oh shit, I forgot it here._

"Crap, I am so sorry mom. I really did just lose track of time and myself." This whole situation was already getting entirely too complicated. Things were only going to get worse if we tried to stay together.

She had a half smirk on her face, "So, you still maintain that you were alone?"

_No, mom...I was at my sexy as fuck teachers house where I dry humped him until we both exploded in our pants like pre-mature ejaculators. _

"Yes, mom. I am sorry. I am going to grab a bowl of cereal and head to bed for an hour." I was already in the pantry looking for the Apple Jacks.

She hugged me from behind, "Night, baby. Get some rest." I heard her footsteps as they left the kitchen. When I knew she was up the stairs, I sat down on the floor and took some deep breaths.

_That was way to close._

After I ate my cereal, I went up to my room. On my bed was a piece of paper with a tube on it. As I got closer, it looked like make-up.

_Fuck mom...I'm gay, not a cross dresser._

Looking at the paper, I recognized mom's writing.

_Edward, _

_Use this on your neck. We are not done talking about this. _

_The truth, Edward._

_Mom_

Running to my mirror I saw it, a small bite mark.

_Shit, when did he do that? I am so fucked!_

Walking over to my bed, I pulled back the covers and crawled in and fell asleep.

It only seemed like five minutes when my mom was in there waking me up. I was not ready for this day to commence.

"Edward, get up...NOW! I don't feel sorry for you and you have school." She was impatient this morning.

"I'm up," I groaned out loud.

Climbing out of bed, I stumbled down the hall and hopped into the shower. Standing under the hot spray of the shower head, I closed my eyes and let my muscles relax. I stayed until the water started to cool. When it was almost too cold, I scrubbed my hair and body and jumped out.

After dressing, I applied the concealer on my neck.

_That's not half bad at covering shit up...hmmmm._

I ran downstairs, grabbed my bag, and followed Alice out to my car.

We were on the road for all of a minute when she said, "Where were you last night? Did you go see him?"

"Not going to do this right now, Alice." Using the voice that meant business, she shut up pretty quickly.

We filled the ride to school with talk about teachers and homework.

Splitting up when we walked in, I headed over to my locker and prepared for the rest of this day. Opening up my locker, I looked around for Emmett. That fucker was nowhere to be found yet. Getting what I needed from there, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You were at my house, huh?" Jacob had leaned and whispered in my ear.

Turning around and shoving him hard I said, "Kiss it, apparently she called you and I was nowhere to be found."

Snickering at him, I grabbed my bag and we headed down the hall.

He winked slyly, "Kiss what, Eddie?"

"He's alive!" Emmett bellowed from the other side of the hall.

Flipping him the bird, I headed over to him. When I was close enough, he reached out and picked me up.

"Put me down, fucker," I struggled in his bear of a grasp.

"Eddie, where were you man. I am not letting you go until you tell me. You had your poor mama in a tizzy." He held me up higher, "What shall be his punishment people?"

Looking down at him I saw him get that look in his eye, "Ohhhh no, Emmett!"

He grinned up evilly, "Oh yes, Eddie. Unless you tell me where you were?" Closing my eyes I prepared for him to drop me and tickle away.

"Don't you think it's time for you boys to get to class before the bell?" I froze as the sounds of his voice washed over me and made my body ache for him.

Emmett gingerly lowered me to the floor, "Uh, sorry sir. We were just...yeah." Seeing Emmett look like a bumbling idiot was priceless.

Looking over at Mr. Whitlock, there was a slight grin on his face and it made me smile big.

_He was so fucking gorgeous. Shit, hello hard on...go the fuck away...dickhead...oh hell...not helping._

_"_Sorry, Mr. Whitlock, he gets a little rowdy." He turned those cerulean eyes on me.

"Way to sell me out, Edward." Emmett complained next to me. "Let's go to class," he said as he directed me away from there and forced me to look away from the beautiful scenery.

"You two are ridiculous," Jacob said as he joined us on the way to our classes.

Looking over at him, I smiled, "You get used to Em, he's a rowdy fucker." Jacob's eyes shot wide open and he coughed.

_Oops, forgot he thought Em was cute._

Looking over at Jacob, I winked and went off in the direction of my class. The day actually went by at a normal pace and I only got apprehensive when I was heading to history. I was still very unsure of the way we left things this morning. It really bothered me that he wouldn't even fucking look at me when I left and told him I loved him.

Going into the classroom was the hardest part. Once I went in and saw Jacob, I felt a ton better. There was something very calming about him, I would definitely need that in this room.

Mr. Whitlock was at his desk..._at school he was not Jasper..._shuffling through papers and looking all kinds of sexy.

During the entire period, he only met my eyes twice and both times they softened when he did.

As class was nearing the end he called out, "Edward, can I please see you after class?"

A round of "ooohhhh, what did you do?" went around the class.

Ignoring them I answered, "Yes, sir." I shivered at that.

_Note to my inner horn dog...'_Don't_call him SIR'. _

When the bell rang, the class scattered like ants. Figuring my smartest move would be to stay at my desk, I watched everybody leave.

When the classroom was empty, he pierced me with those fucking eyes. He got up and walked a little closer, but being in the same mindset as me, he stopped a little ways away.

"Tomorrow, meet me here at 5:00pm." He slipped me a piece of paper with an address and walked back to his desk.

As I walked out to leave and got to the door he grumbled, "I don't like seeing someone else's hands on you, Edward."

My cock hardened instantly..._Oh...My...Fuck..._I swallowed hard and walked out the door.

I didn't want the talk to happen tomorrow, I wanted it to happen today. All the questions floating around in my head were crowding me and I needed the answers.

Who knew what the outcome of the talk was going to be. If it went my way, he would wait until I graduated and we would figure out how it would all work in the mean time.

There were such big decisions in my future like which college I would attend. This was the most pertinent in my future if we were going to work it out. There was no way I was going to a school far away and leaving him behind. A relationship as new and young as ours wouldn't survive something like that, I just knew it.

The only question was, did he even consider a future that far out for us?

Tomorrow would bring all the answers. Alice was waiting by the car when I got there and she looked happy.

_Not at all in the mood for 'Happy Ali.'_

_"_What took you so long, brother? Did you _run_ into Jacob again?" She was a giggling at herself as she got into the car.

"Ha ha very funny, Alice." Rolling my eyes at her, I closed the door and drove off. My bed was calling out my name when I got there and I was ready for it.

"So, Edward," she said, turning in her seat towards me. "Are you ready to spill?" Her expectant face was hoping to get all the information Mom couldn't get out of me this morning when I came in.

"Alice, I'm really fucking tired. We will talk later, I promise. Okay?"

She flipped back to the front, "Whatever, Edward."

The rest of the drive was made in silence. When we got home I went straight to bed. I did not pass go, I did not collect $200.

My body must have been exhausted because I slept until my alarm went off the next morning.

Dragging myself out of bed, I followed my normal routine and got myself ready. Making sure the bite mark was covered up once again, I ran down to grab a bowl of cereal.

My Mom was in the kitchen, pouring my coffee. "Morning, Edward. Did you sleep good?"

Walking straight into the pantry I called out behind me, "Yes, I did. Also, mom? Don't expect me for dinner, I am going to head to Port Angeles after school and go to the bookstore."

Staying put, I waited for her answer. "Did you want some company sweetie?"

_Oh hell no! Shit._

"Nah, mom, I kinda want to be alone for the drive, I need some time to think." If she tried to go with me it would ruin everything.

"Promise me that's where you're going, Edward?"

"Yes mom, I promise. I will show you the receipt from the store." At least I was telling the truth about going to Port Angeles.

"Okay, Edward. Make sure you have your phone please."

Patting my pockets, I showed her where it was stored in my pants.

"Mom, where's Alice? Emmett said he could take her home after school so I could leave right after." Looking around I didn't see her anywhere.

"Oh, she had to get there early for something. Your father took her in on the way to work."

_Sweet, no questions from Ali today._

"Alright, Mom. I have to hit the road, love you." I kissed her on the cheek.

"Bye sweetie, be careful," she called out as I dashed to the car.

The day dragged on and on. My mood was getting more apprehensive as the day wore on and I was becoming afraid of "The Talk."

Both Emmett and Jacob tried to lift my mood, but nothing would make me happy until all of this was over. It was finally time to go to history and I braced myself and walked in.

Every time my heart started to pound for him and I felt slightly nauseous. That day it was a little worse. Surprisingly everything was fine and we only looked at each other once.

When we did lock gazes, he faltered in his lecture for a brief moment. I was probably the only one paying close enough attention to catch it.

As the final bell rang, I gathered my things and walked out to the car. Pulling the address from my wallet, I programmed into my phone's GPS and set out for Port Angeles. I made it to the city in no time and ran to the bookstore to buy a book and get a receipt.

As the time approached to meet him, I started to get nervous.

What would happen? Only time would tell.

I found the little cafe he gave me the address for and he was already sitting there waiting for me. There were several drinks in front of him.

As I approached, he finally looked up at me. "Hey, Edward. I didn't know what you would like, so I took the liberty of ordering a few things. Did you want coffee or tea?"

Swallowing hard I muttered, "Black coffee's fine."

He pushed a cup towards me and the silence began. Neither one of us knew how to start, so I just blurted it out.

"Why did you go with someone from a bar? What did you do with him?" I was anxious for the answer. The images of him and a faceless man ruled my thoughts.

He sighed, "Why do you want to know that, Edward. It's not important." He was looking into his cup and refused to meet my eyes.

"It's important to me, I need to know before I can move on. You said you didn't have sex, what did you do?" Sitting patiently, waiting for an answer I took a few sips of my coffee.

"I was jealous. I was jealous of you and that Black kid and I was angry with myself because I had no right to be." He took a drink of his coffee and continued.

Looking out the window, he huffed. "I wanted to put you out of my mind. I wanted to forget that day in the classroom. The only way I could purge you from my mind was to use someone else. I hoped it was going to work, I was so wrong."

Finally looking at me he asked, "Didn't I already tell you I was sorry about it?"

I exhaled loudly, "What did you do? With him? I need to know that too."

_Why was he backing away from that one?_

"Oh, Edward. You really don't. Can't we leave the past in the past and focus on moving forward?"

"Wow," I whispered. "It must be bad."

He reached across the table and took my hand.

"I really don't want to tell you the details. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want to know." His eyes were pleading with me to let it drop.

"Okay, but if you don't tell me I am going to assume the worst. That you had him in your mouth or something along those lines." When he gasped out loud, I knew I had my answer.

_Well that sucks._

There was no stopping the single tear that rolled down my cheek. "So that's it then. You gave him a..." There was no way I could bring myself to sat the words.

"Yes," he rasped. "There were no feelings, no emotions. If I could go back and undo it, I would. It really meant nothing." His hand held mine tighter as he silently pleaded for my understanding.

"I will try, it will be hard," my voice was breaking and I needed to get in under control. "I just don't understand, but I will try to."

I could see the emotions raging behind his eyes. He picked up my hand and lightly kissed my fingertips one at a time. The intimate gesture warmed my heart and soul. Our eyes held for a long while, I needed him _so_ bad. This semester was going to be hell.

"What about what lies ahead, Jasper? After I graduate?" These were the most important things to me.

He dropped my hand and leaned back in his chair, "What do you want, Edward?"

_Hmmm, what do I say here? Why was he putting this on me?_

"I know what I want, I know what I feel...hell, you know how I feel. What I don't know, is how you feel, Jasper. Before I answer your questions, I want to know how you feel about me? You expect me to lay it all out for you, but you give me nothing in return."

He sat in pensive silence for a moment.

He looked at me and sighed. "I can't right now, Edward. It wouldn't be a wise move at all. Fuck, none of it is. If I was smart, we wouldn't be sitting here right now. But I can't stay away anymore, I tried and I can't."

He took a drink of his coffee. "That is the best I can do right now, I need you to understand that. We can't be anything more than friends right now, even that is not smart."

Looking him square in the eye I uttered quietly, "I think I want to change classes. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep seeing you everyday, knowing that we don't feel the same. It's too hard."

He grabbed my hand, "You don't know what I feel, Edward. It isn't nothing, I wouldn't be sitting here otherwise." He was so emphatic, it started to melt the icy demeanor I approached this all with.

"If you need to change classes, I understand. Just think about it, please. So can you tell me, what you want?" He sounded so desperate for my answer.

Squeezing his fingers in mine I freed the words burdening my heart, "I want you. Plain and simple. You. For always, when I go to college, after I graduate, for all the rest. You."

He pulled his hand from mine and swallowed hard, his eyes shiny with unshed tears. I wanted so bad to know what he was thinking.

"Thank you, Edward. You have no idea what that means to me." His voice was hoarse with emotion.

"You know that I love you, Jasper. That's all you need to know." My hand ached to grab his again, but he made no effort to offer it once more.

"Those things that you want, Edward. You aren't the only one who does. We just have to wait. Can you do that? This doesn't need to have any rougher of a start than it already has."

Nodding my head, I gazed at the spot over his head.

I was so glad that he opted for us to meet in a quiet place, the talk had gone better than I thought, but did not have the outcome I had hoped for. The one thing I desperately needed from Jasper, he couldn't give me. This was going to be a long semester and the thought of leaving his classroom had me in a panic, I wish I knew what to do.

Staring out the window lost in thought, I felt him reach for my hand. I would never get tired of the current that flowed through my skin when he touched me.

"Edward, look at me." Turning my head towards that voice that wrapped around me, I met his concerned gaze. "Are you okay, are we okay?"

Turning back towards the window, I looked out at all the normal couples who didn't have the concerns we did. They were free to hold hands and kiss as they walked down the street. Everything was so unfair right now, why did it have to be this hard?

_Can you handle it, Edward? Can you do what's right here?_

God I hoped so. He was worth it and I believed we were worth it. I just hoped he felt the same and would wait for me too. The whole boy in the bar issue still tore at my insides.

"Yes, we are good...I"

"HOLY SHIT, get down!" he interrupted as he yanked me away from the window. "Oh no, we are so fucked, " he groaned.

_Who the fuck was out there?_

He jumped up and walked over to the counter. He bought a pastry and turned towards the door.

_Oh crap, it was Ms. Denali and you could tell by the look on her face that she had seen us too._

The sky came crashing down around me and I felt our future disintegrating before my eyes and I was powerless to stop it.

* * *

**A/N2: Okay…so OnTheTurningAway has started a thread for PSMW, come visit us there…at some point today I hope I will put Jasper's POV from the argument in the bedroom on there…if you want to see, you gotta come play **

**www . twilighted . net/ forum/ viewtopic . php?f=44&t=8017 (remove spaces or get link on my profile)**

**Now…*huffs*…the review count was way down last chapter, is it because I didn't leave it on a cliffhanger? I think so…so you can blame the end of this chapter on that and the UT vs Bama game last night…Texas lost**

**Two recs: TwiBoy has an awesome one-shot...floored me, go read it : www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5638130/1/The_Bronze_Prince**

** Domward's Mistress had a great one she put out last night : Bible toting Jasper in Glasses...oh man oh man www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5649372/1/**

**SO…you know what I need, crave and desire….for you to review and tell me what you think, good or bad, I can take it!!! Just say something…**

**REVIEWERS GET A TEASER OF CHAPTER 10!!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry to start this on a negative note, but there is something I need to say.**

**To the people sending me negative PM's: It has been clear from the beginning what this story was about. A student, a teacher and yes they are both men. PERIOD! If the subject matter bothers you, don't freaking read it. There are plenty of other fics out there. Do not PM me and make assumptions about my belief in God and my path to hell. Do not assume what kind of mother I am because of what I write, I am a damn good mother whose children know every day how much they are cherished and adored. Do you really think my children are exposed to my writing? If you think that I fear for your closed-minded brain.**

**Next, if you have something negative to say about my writing? Send it in a private message and not in a review where everyone can see it. It is good manners to do things like that in a PM. I know it was only one of over 450, but it doesn't belong there. If you are bored with it, move on to something else. **

**Now, because she said it like I never could…one of my favorite readers sent me a lovely long email in response to the review, this is the best part and she said it like I never could:**

"_**It's obvious that they can't keep their hands off of each other so why bother writing about it? Um...hello? It's call smutty fan fic! Of course we want to read about it. It's the whole reason why they are in this situation in the first place - they want to f*ck each other! Sure they now have strong feelings and want to be together but they also want to f*ck each others brains out. Did this person think they were in the literature classics section of a bookstore? It's fic, it's fun, it's smutty - and it's good!"**_

**Love her to the moon and back…yes I do. That's all…sorry, needed to get it off my chest.**

**To Darkira and OnTheTurningAway…you girls are the best beta team I could ever ask for, thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except a Hello Kitty Debit card…SM own the rest.**

**

* * *

  
**

Project Chapter 10

JPOV

Edward was staring off quietly out the window. I could see a wide array of emotions crossing over his face. I did the best I could as far as making him understand that he was what I desired for my future too. Telling him that I wanted what he wanted was the best I could do.

I remember what it was like to be in high school so I knew what I was telling him wasn't good enough. There were so many doubts I had as well. I didn't doubt for one moment that he _felt_ like he loved me. My biggest concern was that it was fleeting for him. High school kids got together and broke up on a whim. They could be so in love one day, talking about going away to college together and the with a flick of the wrist they were dating someone else. The other person was no longer even a blip on their radar.

I was the only person he had ever been with, at all. That was so hard for me to believe because he was so gorgeous. If he were straight, that would never have been the case. I don't doubt for one moment that I was brought to Forks for a reason. The reason was Edward. I hoped his future was intertwined with mine as well, that we would have our forever. If that wasn't to be the case, I knew he was brought into my life to teach me to love and trust once again. That was a powerful thing.

"Edward, look at me," I called out lovingly. He slowly turned those bright green eyes towards me, he was so fucking beautiful.

Holding his hand in mine, I grasped it a little bit tighter. "Are you okay? Are we okay?"

He turned his eyes away from me once again, I was at a loss for words. He looked so worn down, almost void of emotions by this point. I felt like most of that was my fault, he was a mess over Seth.

_Think about it jackass, if he had been at all intimate with Jacob, you would be ready to kill by now._

I would have been just as hurt, of that I was sure. More so because he had called me _love_ from that first time. That thought warmed my heart.

He was still looking out the window when I heard him begin to speak, but I was frozen in shock.

There, standing outside cafe' window on the opposite side was Ms. Denali. She had a phone in her hand and it was aimed at us.

_Holy Fuck! What was she doing? Shit!_

Yanking Edward's hand towards the ground I shrieked, "Holy Shit, get down."

Sighing out loud, I tried to figure out what to do. There was no answer, I had to do _something._ But what? I saw her walking towards the door of the cafe, a sly smirk on her face.

"Oh no, we are so fucked," I groaned.

Jumping up, I walked over to the counter to buy us something, trying to look as normal as possible.

_Were we ever going to catch a fucking break? Was this all a test of some sorts? If we pass, is that when we get to be together? _

After buying a pastry from the counter, I turned towards the door and met her head on.

"Irina, what a pleasant surprise." I gave her my award-winning smile. I reached out to take her hand so I could give her a kiss on the back for good measure.

_Ughhh, the things we do for love._

She rolled her eyes at me, yanked her hand and away and snorted, "Save it Whitlock. I'm no one's idiot."

My heart was pounding in my chest, I didn't know what the hell she was doing with her phone.

Twirling a strand of hair around her fingers, she coyly smiled, " Looks like your boyfriend over there, and I do emphasize the _boy, _is in panic. Maybe you should go take care of that."

Turning her back to me, she started to walk out of the cafe.

_No fucking way was that bitch getting away._

Looking over at Edward I mouthed, "Be right back." I took off after Irina. She didn't get far before I caught up to her and pulled her over to the side.

"What's your problem? Is it your goal to make scared kids uncomfortable?"

She pulled her arm out of my hand, "Oh please, you look like you were making him plenty comfortable. I have to go, I have to get back, but we will talk later, believe me." She winked and started to leave again.

Running after her, I got in front and stopped her again. "You don't know what you saw and I refuse to break his confidence as to what his problem is. He needed some guidance. That's what we are here for."

_How the hell were the lies flowing so well? Doesn't matter, but you better keep them up Jasper or you two are fucked._

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Please Mr. Whitlock," pulling out her phone, she waved it in my face. "A picture tells a thousand words. Until tomorrow. Don't leave your classroom at lunchtime, you and I will talk then." With that, she walked away from me.

Running my hands through my hair, I hightailed it back to Edward. He had to be so freaked out.

Running back into the cafe, Edward was nowhere to be found.

_FUCK, where the hell was he?_

Walking back outside, I looked around and saw a flash of bronze in the park across the way.

_Oh thank you God._

Jogging across the street to the park, I called out his name breathlessly. "Edward, thank goodness I found you." Running around to the front of the bench, his expression stopped me cold. He was staring straight ahead, his face devoid of any expression. He didn't even acknowledge me standing there.

Crouching down in front of him, I lightly touched his arm.

"Edward...baby...say something, please?" Nothing. Not even any eye movement.

Not giving a shit who might be watching, I reached out and pulled him into my arms. He was frozen like a statue.

"Fuck, Edward. I am so sorry, I won't let her do anything, I promise." I planted a soft kiss against his cool neck, inhaling his wonderful smell.

When he felt my lips upon his skin, he came undone and began to shake. I just sat there crouched down, holding him until he stopped. As his body slowly started to come back to normal, I felt his entire frame begin to release the tension.

Not wanting to make a bigger spectacle than we already had, I got up and sat down on the bench next to him. We sat there for about fifteen minutes, saying nothing. The cool wind whipped around our heads, it was pretty chilly without a jacket, but I wasn't going to leave him there to go get one.

Finally, he started to move. He slowly removed his jacket, and put it over both of our laps. He scooted a little bit closer to me and I felt his hand reach for mine from underneath the windbreaker. Our fingers interlocked and I saw him finally relax. My thumb swept back and forth over his hand, the gesture was calming to us both.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I guess I freaked out for a moment." He grasped my hand a little bit harder, "What did she say?"

I blew out a long breath, "It doesn't matter right now, Edward. I am going to talk to her tomorrow. The thing is, we need to come up with a cover story."

He was nodding his head up and down, " I know...but first, before I can even think about that, I need to know something."

Glancing over at him, I noticed that he was once again staring blankly ahead. The way his emotions were all over the place was making me nervous. He dropped my hand under the jacket and stood up. The wind was ruffling his hair in the breeze. He looked like a Ralph Lauren model, standing there so still and beautiful.

Looking out into the distance he asked, "What do you feel for me? Please don't lie...I need to know." Putting his hands in his pockets, he turned to face me.

His expression was so pained, so confused..._He needs to hear this...Fuck!_

"Edward," I sighed.

_What did he want from me? _

_"_I told you, I wanted what you wanted. All those things, Edward. I want it to work, I really do. I don't want to lose you when you leave to college. I want to be there when you graduate. I want to be there for it all."

He just stood there, acting like I had said nothing.

_What the fuck was his problem?_

"Hello? Edward?" He still said nothing and it was starting to piss me off.

He turned those gorgeous eyes on me, and they were flashing in anger.

"That's not what I asked you," he seethed. "You are the master at avoiding the question, Jasper." He practically spat my name at the end.

"What do you want from me, Edward?" I raged quietly, I did not want to cause a scene in public.

"You _know_ what I want! I want _you_ to tell _me_ what you feel for me. What do I mean to you? Anything other than a future _fuck_?"

His face was flushed with rage, my beautiful boy was livid and of course it was all my fault.

"I _adore_ you Edward, you mean a lot to me. I want a..."

"I don't want to hear what you want, I want to hear what you _feel_!" he interrupted.

"I told you, I adore you, I need you, you mean the world to me." I was trying so hard to appease him, it was not working out so well.

"Do you love me? Fuck! I shouldn't have to ask that, but I need to know it!" He crouched down in front of me on the bench, "Do you love me, Jasper?"

I looked at him, saying nothing with my mouth but everything with my eyes. I leaned forward to kiss his lips and he pulled back and stood up.

"That's what I thought," he answered dejectedly.

I stood up and walked up to where he was standing, "Edward?"

_God, I wanted to wrap my arms around him, he was so fucking beautiful and I was losing him._

"Please, it's not what you think, but it's all I can give right now. I need you to understand that."

He didn't say a word, "Edward, don't do this. Don't give up on us." I was pleading, desperately and he wasn't responding.

"There is no us," he said in a dead voice. "There never was, it was only me and a stupid dream. I see that now."

_Fuck, no!_

He started to walk away from me. I grabbed his jacket and ran to stop him.

"There is an us, Edward. There has to be, please don't run because you're scared."

He turned on me, "Fuck you, Whitlock!" He shoved me back, "You're the one who's fucking scared. I have been afraid of _nothing_! I have told you _everything_!"

Tears stung the corners of my eyes and I kept following him.

"Edward, stop!" My voice was starting to crack and I hated to fucking lose control. Shit!

He kept going and I couldn't very well grab him in broad daylight. I just stayed a few steps behind.

"Fuck off, " he called back to me. "Leave me the fuck alone, Whitlock."

_Where the fuck was this Whitlock shit coming from?_

"Edward," I huffed, I was so out of breath. "Act like a fucking grown up if you want to be in a big boy relationship." _Fuck, probably not the right thing to say._

We were almost to his car that was parked on the side of the cafe.

He turned and looked at me again, this time I knew I had gone too far.

"Stay the _fuck_ away from me, do you understand me?" He was dead serious.

_I can't do it, I can't let it end here, like this. Not after everything we had been through so far._

I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the alleyway between the two buildings. There was no one else around and I pulled him behind a staircase.

I slammed his body into the wall and held him there with mine.

"This is far from over, _Cullen_. You don't get to fucking walk away from me."

He was struggling to break free, "Fucking let me go you asshole...let me _go!_"

He was so beautiful struggling against my hands.

"No, Edward. I won't let you go, I won't let _us_ go." I growled into his ear.

I ground my hips into his, "You are mine, dammit...Mine!"

He was breathing harshly into the cool air, the clouds of his breath permeating the space between us.

"I belong to _no one_, especially not to you, I would just as soon be Jacob's, fucker." He spat.

Right before I crashed my mouth into his I groaned, "Over my dead body."

He was pushing against my chest, but I refused to let go.

_Fucking Jacob Black!_

I pushed harder, trying to pry his mouth open with my tongue..._Give in Edward, you know you want to._

After countless seconds of trying to get him to open up to me, he caved in. My beautiful boy opened up his luscious mouth to me, it was sweet torture.

_Would this be the last time?_

Our frenzied kisses led to a desperate need to touch one another, but I was afraid to let him go for fear he would run.

I kept him pinned there, tasting his sweet mouth then trailing down to his neck. I kissed, licked and nipped at his throat. He was groaning and bucking against me. He was full of fury and passion and he was all mine.

I followed the path of his neck down to his collar bone and grazed all the way across with my teeth.

Pulling my head back, I bore into his eyes with my own. "Who do you belong to, Edward?" I rasped.

His chest was heaving and his cheeks were pink from the cold. His lips were wet and swollen from my brutal attack on them.

"I belong to _no_ one, get the fuck off of me, _now_." He grated through his clenched teeth.

Unfortunately for Edward, my temper had snapped. "Wrong answer, baby," I growled right before sinking my teeth into his shoulder.

He threw his head back and cried out, "Fuck, Jasper...unghhhh." He pushed his pelvis into mine and sought my mouth out with his.

_This was getting out of hand. _

Kissing him hard one last time, I let him go and we both tried to catch our breath. I was looking around to make sure no one else was around. We were in the clear, thank goodness.

"God, Edward..."

"Let me guess, Whitlock, you're sorry, right?" He shoved me back and started walking away.

"Edward!" I called after him. "Wait, please!"

He paused turned to me, "Why should I? Why should I keep doing this? What reason have you given me to put myself at risk for you? To lie, to sneak, to do anything that goes against how I was raised?"

I felt like a bumbling idiot, I didn't know what to say,"Um...I told you...I want..."

"Fuck what you _want_! Do you love me?" He was glaring at me, expecting an answer to his question. I knew I couldn't give him the one he wanted and I was terrified at what was about to happen.

"Edward," I sighed. "I can't right now, please...give me some time."

"Give _me_ a fucking reason to stay," he called back.

Walking up to him, I reached for his hand. He stiffened, but let me hold it anyways.

"You are what I need to be happy, Edward. You are what I need to be whole. You make me feel things I haven't felt in a long time...You make my heart pound every time I see you."

Dropping his hands, I placed mine on his face. "What I feel is very real, I promise. I just can't say it right now...please understand that."

His eyebrows were furrowed, "I need some time to think, Jasper. Away from you."

My heart fell to my feet, I was going to lose my beautiful boy before we even had a chance at building this relationship.

"Please, Edward...no..." I whispered into the cold air.

"Jasper," he sighed. "I'm not saying no right now, but I am not saying yes either."

He sat down on the staircase and looked at me, his face was set in determination.

"I think this might be best for now. We are going to have to deal with Ms. Denali and I need to concentrate on graduation. Let's not add more stress right now. Let's take a break and let the situation figure itself out."

My head went straight to my hands, I didn't really know what to say.

"Edward, I am not going to force you to be with me. If you want a break, as much as I hate it, we can take a break. Not that we were really together either."

He looked off into the distance, "I really want it to work, Jasper. I think we need to sort it out later...after we figure out what the right thing to do is."

"Are you giving up Edward? So easily?" I was pushing him and I knew it. At that moment, I didn't really care, I wasn't prepared for him to walk away.

He looked at me incredulously, "You think any of this has been easy on me? Are you being serious?"

I stared right back, saying nothing.

"Do you think I can turn off how I feel? I just need time, Jasper. And we have more important things to talk about, like Ms. Denali?"

Walking right over to him, I leaned down and got in his face, "There is nothing more important to me than you, Edward. Don't you get that?"

I leaned forward to kiss his perfect lips, but he put a hand out to stop me.

"Not right now, Jasper. Please, there is only so much I can take and keep a clear head."

Backing off I sighed, "Okay, Edward. Ms. Denali...she had a camera phone."

He gasped loudly, "A camera phone....Oh, God....my parents. What will they....GOD!" He roared, "It's so fucking unfair, why was she here of all places?"

I reached a hand out and took his, "I don't know Edward. Just our luck, I guess. The thing is, we need to have a reason why we are both here."

He let my hand go again, it stung that he really wanted no contact with me right now.

_A lot just happened to the poor kid, let him be with his thoughts. Don't be such a dick._

"I need to have a reason why we were here. A plausible one, Edward. Any reason you can think of for us to be here?" I needed his help if this had any chance of working.

"Well, I did tell my mom I was going to the bookstore. I bought a book there." He was pensive, I could see the wheels spinning in his head.

He jumped up, "We came in separate cars, so we could have run into each other at the bookstore."

"Okay Edward, what did we talk about? Why did we meet in the cafe?" I had to get this just right, there was no way I would allow a slut like Denali take it all away from me.

"Jasper, it's getting cold out here. Can we talk somewhere else?" I noticed his shivering frame so I walked back over to where I dropped his jacket and handed it to him.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go find somewhere to sit." I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the street.

When we got to the entrance of the alleyway, he let my hand go again. Looking around, I tried to find somewhere quiet we could talk.

"Look, how about there." I pointed to a restaurant that looked quiet where we could have some privacy.

"That's fine," he muttered as he headed toward the restaurant.

Following behind him, I let Ms. Denali's words sink in, finally. She really had the power to be able to pull the rug out from under us if she snapped a picture at the right time in the cafe. If she caught us holding hands, how would I explain that?

_Snap out of it, man. You need to keep it cool for Edward._

We walked into the restaurant and were immediately seated by the hostess who was paying more attention to Edward that I would have liked. She was eye balling him from behind as he led the way to where she had pointed out our table.

Giving her an irritated smile, I thanked her and sent her on her way.

"You seem to draw attention anywhere you go, don't you?" I asked him, nodding my head in the direction of the hostess.

He looked at me and smirked, "I think we both know there is no need to worry about her."

Smiling back at him, I felt some of the tension release from my back. It felt good to see him smile, even if it was ever so slightly.

I opened my menu and looked over at Edward, "Are you hungry, babe?"

He winced slightly, "Um, can you please not call me that?"

_What did I call him?_

"Call you what, Edward?"

He looked at me pointedly, "Babe."

Shaking my head and looking at my menu I muttered, "Sorry, _Edward._Now, are you hungry or not?"

_This was fucking ridiculous, now I can't even call him anything other than his name?_

_"_What can I get you boys?" Our waitress was poised by the table, waiting for our orders.

"I'll just have an iced tea, I'm not hungry," Edward told her, handing her back his menu.

Looking up at her, I smiled. "I'll just have coffee sweetheart, no food for me either." She blushed and walked away.

"Now who's the one drawing attention, Jasper?"

Looking over at my beautiful boy, I winked. "Jealous?"

His face fell immediately, "I have nothing to be jealous of, you don't belong to me."

"Dammit, Edward," I cried out softly. "Why are you doing this? You are only making it harder."

"No, Jasper. I think for the first time, this will be the easiest thing for us."

He was so resigned in his position, it was pointless to argue it for now. We would definitely come back to this later.

Our waitress chose that time to bring our drinks, "Anything else you need boys, let me know." She set down the cups and walked off.

"I've been thinking, Edward. I accidentally came out to the faculty at the school the weekend before school started."

"What do you mean 'accidentally'?" he asked.

"Well, I let it slip to one of the teachers and she told everyone else of course."

_I was not going to tell him that Ms. Denali was propositioning me at the time and I told her to make her quit._

"Anyways, back to Ms. Denali. I was thinking that we could say that we ran into each other in the bookstore. We made some small talk and there was actually some concerns you had about college. We headed over to the cafe to address your concerns, what do you think?"

"I think it sounds like utter shit," he told me, rolling his eyes. "We need a better reason than that to be sitting so close at the table."

Leaning back in his seat, he said, "How about we talked about that I didn't know what to do about the fact that my parents were getting really suspicious about someone I may have been seeing. They were upset that I came home marred by teeth marks, crying and heartbroken. Not a few weeks later I disappear for an entire night and they assume I was with that person, but once again I lie to them and tell them that I was alone and fell asleep. Thinking they believe me, I find concealer on my bed from my mother with a note that we will talk about this later. Wondering what I need it for, I go to the mirror and look. Lo and behold there is another fucking bite mark on my neck. I promise, they think this person is a real winner, especially since I can't talk about him to anyone."

I stared at him, my mouth open in shock.

"Now, Mr. Whitlock, what advice do you have for me? Is this healthy? Should I be doing this? Please, I need your professional opinion."

_Holy shit, what have I done to him? No wonder he doesn't want to be with me right now._

"I don't know what to say, Edward. If I am the cause of a rift between you and your parents, I am so sorry." The guilt was slowly building and starting to eat me alive, I was slowly becoming aware of what I had actually been doing to him.

"It's not just my parents, Jasper. It's my sister Alice, my best friend Emmett, Jacob..."

"What do you mean Jacob?" Glaring at him, I didn't understand what Jacob had to do with us at all.

"I have lied to him too, told him that the reason I ran out of history was to get away from a student in that class who was not out of the closet yet."

_Fucking great, all I needed was for Jacob to be wondering who Edward messed around with in class. I am sure he would study everyone with extra scrutiny._

"Edward, I am so sorry. I had no idea you were going through all of that. I wish you would have told me, I wish I could have helped." This beautiful boy in front of me had me on my knees, ready to do anything he wanted to make it up to him. He has gone through so much because of me.

"I wanted to," he looked away from me. "We just always seemed to fight."

We were both quiet for a few minutes, neither one knowing what to say.

"Edward, let me make this right, please. For both our sakes?" Desperation laced every word that came out of my mouth.

"You can't," he whispered. "There is no future right now, don't you see?"

Each word stabbed me and tore apart at my insides.

"We have a future, Edward. After you graduate, there is a future." I needed him to agree that we had a forever out there. I didn't know how I would exist without him. He _had_ to agree.

He looked at me with bright, shiny eyes, "After I graduate what guarantee do I have that you will even want me anymore?"

_Fuck, he was slipping away from me._

"Look at me, Edward." His eyes locked with mine. "I will want you when you graduate, afterwards, when you graduate from college, for all of it. I want you to be _my_ forever, do you understand? Mine!" My quivering lip gave way to the tear that rolled down my cheek.

_I am a fucking mess!_

He reached a hand across the table for mine, "I need you to give me time, okay? I love you, that won't change, but right now this..." He motioned between us, "is toxic."

_Toxic? Fuck._

"That's a pretty harsh way to describe us, isn't it? I wouldn't use poison..."

He leaned forward, kissed our hands and whispered, "Toxic." Then he got up, turned and walked out the door.

I barely remembered getting home that night...all I remember was trying to keep my thoughts clear of Edward so I could stay on the road. If anyone was going to end anything between us, I thought for sure it would have been me.

_Face it, you lost._

When I got home, I couldn't even think straight. Every room I waled through reminded me in some way about Edward. I couldn't fucking stay here tonight, not after what happened at the restaurant.

Running into my room, I started to gather my clothes and toiletries for the next morning so I could go stay at a motel tonight.

_Lord knows that Forks doesn't have a hotel._

The sight of my bed stopped me cold.

_Edward snuggled into my side._

_Edward kissing me._

_Edward on top, holding me down and kissing me._

_Edward's moans and groans._

_Edward's face as he came on top of me._

_Edward's body covered in sweat._

I was so fucked. I had to get out of there. Throwing all my stuff into a bag, I locked the door to the house and drove off in my car.

Pulling into the motel, I went to the front desk, got a room and headed over there. When I opened the door, it smelled old and musty.

_Great, it smells like my grandma's linen closet in here._

Throwing my bag down in the chair, I didn't bother undressing and climbed into the bed. Squeezing my eyes shut I longed for sleep to overtake me so I wouldn't have to think about Edward.

_Fucking toxic....shit!_

It was going to be one long night.

When the first rays of sunshine finally descended into the room, I decided it was time to get up and get my ass in the shower. I didn't get even one wink of sleep last night, my thoughts were dominated by my beautiful boy and the last touch of his lips to my skin.

_Would it be the final one? Would there be more?_God_, I hoped so. _

I walked into the bathroom, started the water and got undressed. While I waited for the water to heat up, I studied my reflection in the mirror.

_You are looking old my man._

There were dark shadows under my eyes, evidence of my lack of sleep. My face was tired and haggard. Turning around, I climbed into the shower and let the hot water cascade over me. It was so relaxing that I almost fell asleep under the spray. Shaking my head, I snapped myself out of it. I washed my hair and body really quick so I had time to go get some coffee this morning.

I threw on the clean clothes I brought, gathered my things and headed out the door for school. Pulling into the coffee shop, I ran in and got 2 large cups of black coffee and some breakfast.

The day went by with me in robot mode until my lunch hour rolled around. I didn't mind having to meet her at lunch, because I wasn't hungry, not at all. Edward had been in the back corners of my mind all day. I was anxious to see him. I had wondered about him since he walked out of the cafe. Was he okay? DId he make it home alright? Was he as broken as I was?

_God, I hoped so._

Unless he felt as desperate as I did, I didn't know how I was going to get him back. He needed time and I would give it to him. While he was thinking, I would try to figure out how to make this right. Making it right all depended on Ms. Denali right now. She would be walking into my classroom to pretty much discuss the possible future of my career. I was scared, there was no doubt about that. I refused to let her see my fear.

As the bell rang, signaling lunch time, I sat still and waited there. She didn't waste anytime, strolling into my room within five minutes. She closed the door behind her.

_Last time someone did that, it was not a good thing...yes it was...shut up._

_"_Well there, Mr. Whitlock. Don't you look just chipper today? Was something...or should I say someone on your mind?" She casually made her over to where I was sitting, so I stood up quickly.

"Cut the small talk, Irina. What do you want?" She was still walking towards me, a sultry look on her face.

_Yuck, did she really think that would work on me?_

"Hmmm, what _do_ I want? I think I want you to tell my why you were sitting in a cafe with Edward Cullen." She was right in front of me, the smell of her perfume was making me claustrophobic.

"I already told you yesterday, I ran into him in Port Angeles and he was upset about something. I offered to listen and to see if I could help. That is all," I rumbled at her.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She pulled up a photo and flashed it in front of my face.

_Fuck...she did get it._

There, in front of my eyes was a picture of Edward and I, sitting at the table, holding hands.

"What does that prove, other than the fact that I was trying to offer a comforting hand, he was very upset, Irina. It's called compassion, you should try having some."

Inside I was sweating bullets, on the outside I tried to keep a cool demeanor.

Looking me in the eyes, she said. "I don't believe you."

She got directly in front of me now and started to press her body into mine.

"Mr. Whitlock," she murmured against my ear as she plastered herself against me. "You are in no position to argue with me, are you now?" She flicked her tongue out and tasted my skin.

_Oh shit, I am going to fucking puke on the bitch._

Grabbing her arms, I pushed her away. "You are out of line, Ms. Denali." I made a noticeable gesture of grabbing the Germex on my desk and putting it on my ear.

_Fucking slut was going to give me a disease._

Glaring at her hard, I thundered "You have _no_ idea what happened, you don't know what you saw."

Smiling slyly as she scraped her nails down my chest she purred, "I have proof enough to make your life a living hell. The only gay teacher sitting in a cafe with Forks' only gay student? I think the fallout would be worse than you could imagine."

She had me backed into a corner and she knew it, the question was...what did she want from me?

"All you have is a picture and nothing else. You don't know what we said or why we were there. You have nothing and all you're going to do is start unnecessary trouble for the poor kid. What are you trying to pull?"

There was anger exploding from every point in my body, I was not going to let her get Edward in any trouble or put under any scrutiny. At that point I didn't give a shit about myself. I would do just about anything if it would keep him safe and in the dark.

"Pull? I'm not trying to _pull_ anything. Just making some observations." She was slinking towards me again.

"What I want to keep quiet Mr. Whitlock, is you..."

_Holy Fuck!_

Pushing her away from me I growled, "I am not having sex with you, EVER!"

She threw her head back and started laughing, "Please, like I want to sleep with you. No telling _where_ that thing has been." She glanced at my crotch.

_Fucking bitch..._

"Then what do you want, Irina? If you don't want sex?" I was terrified at her answer.

"You embarrassed me," she said, sitting back on my desk."You shot me down, I don't take that lightly." Reaching forward she grabbed my tie and brought my face right up to hers, "I want you to date me. Take me out, hold my hand in front of the others, play nice and make me look adored. I need it, they all think the worst of me. It would change their opinion by a long shot if someone like you wants me and treats me right."

Pulling my tie back, I retorted, "They all know I'm gay. _You_ told them." I grumbled.

Smiling sweetly she drawled, "Oh, Mr. Whitlock...you know you only told me that because you were afraid of what you felt for me. The instantaneous attraction terrified you, right? There is no way people would believe a man that looks like you would be gay anyways."

Wrapping her arms around my waist, she looked up at me, "What's it going to be, Mr. Whitlock? You act like you're with me or I share the picture and start trouble that you or Edward don't need."

Pulling her arms from around my waist, I was so conflicted.

_What do I do? Take a chance that she won't do anything?_

With a resigned sigh, I mumbled, "Okay, you win." Her sickening smile lit up the room. I felt like I was going to throw up.

_This is for you, Edward. I'm sorry.... _

My life just began a whole new path straight to hell. I was terrified.

* * *

**A/N2: PLEASE TRUST ME!!! THINGS WILL GET BETTER IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY.**

**You know I want to hear it…I have to admit I am a little scared this time around…but come one, who's proud of Edward for growing a back bone?**

**It may be a little longer until the next update, I have two contest pieces I am working on too. But I will hurry, I promise. Also, I started a separate story of outtakes from this story, link on my profile, if you haven't read yet, go check it out.**

**Want to rant, come play on the thread…link on my profile. I will try to answer your questions there.**

**Reviewers get a teaser of the next chapter!! MWAH!!!!**

**Robyn**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Very important author's note: please read first.**

**We are all very aware of the tragedy that has struck the people of Haiti with the devastating earthquake and aftershocks that are still occurring. The wonderful author mskathy started a project that I am so very proud to be a part of. It started out as just her, her offer was for a $5 donation to any charity of your choice that benefited Haiti, she would send you a one-shot of her choosing. Not a published one. As word spread and more authors joined with her, the offer has grown to over 240 participating authors, myself included. The offer is still the same, for a $5 donation you will receive now over 240 one-shots, short fics, prose, poems…whatever they choose to do. There are some author's that are doing outtakes from current stories, ones that they said they would never do, so you really are getting a treat.**

**Which brings us to me: I will offer what I said I would never, ever do! You guys beg, plead, on your hands and knees for these two to have some SEX!**

**My answer: NOT UNTIL EDWARD GRADUATES**

**If you make the donation for Haiti, you will get from me in the compilation a very hot, far future outtake of these two getting it on, hard core! It involves a tie, a desk and two beautiful men…need I say more?**

**Come on people, it is only $5…that is one Starbucks!**

**Please see the link below to her blog and you will not only see the list of authors, but also the link to where you send your receipt too. You have until 1/24/10 and the compilation is supposed to be sent out on 1/25/10.**

**Please help the people in need. Link also on my profile.**

**http://mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/01/haiti(dot)html**

**Thanks so much to OnTheTurningAway who took time out of her busy schedule to help me fix my shit and make this pretty. And thank you to my ever faithful beta Darkira…she helps me in so many ways, even when she can't get her hands on my chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a serious addiction to sugar-free lime jello.**

EPOV

Walking out of that café and leaving Jasper behind was the hardest thing I had done in a long time. I wanted to leave him with the words I had spoken to him in there. Needing him to understand how all of it was affecting me was imperative. He really had no clue about all the things I was going through, the lies I had told, the stress of keeping a secret so big.

The fact that I had no one I could speak to frankly and honestly about the whole thing was killing me. If there was one person I wanted to sit down and have a man to man with about the whole situation it was my father. There were a few times I had almost gone to him lately, but there was that niggling suspicion that he would tell my mom and blow his shit. I have had many talks with my dad that he has kept between us, he has always valued my right to privacy, but I don't know if he could keep this to himself.

Getting into my car, I pulled out of the parking space and headed toward the house. My whole body felt like it was going to explode and I was powerless to stop it anymore. The situation between us was clearly out of hand; I had no clue how to rein it back in either. There was nothing happy about it, nothing to give me a reason to even attempt to try. It seemed like everything and everyone was trying to stop us from being together from day one. Not once had things gone the way either one of us would have liked.

Yes, the relationship was forbidden in the first place, but you can't control who you fall in love with. There was also no way to make them love you back, I was slowly learning that. Giving him my entire heart, only to have it thrown back at me repeatedly was painful. That is exactly what he was doing every time he refused to tell me how he felt about me. I laid myself out for him, I was open and bare. There was no mistaking how much I loved him, he wasn't wandering around wondering how I felt.

The problem for me was that he could tell me what he wanted until he was blue in the face. I needed to know that he loved me; that he wanted more than something physical from me. In the back of my mind the rational part of me would say he did, why else would he risk anything for me at all. The emotional part of my mind needed to hear the words pouring forth from his mouth. Those three little words were all I needed to keep fighting, to keep trying for both of us. Why couldn't he give them to me?

Those thoughts kept my brain occupied the whole way home. Pulling into the garage, I parked and went in. My mom and dad were sitting at the table, drinking coffee and having a snack. They always did that before bed, I don't know how they ever slept.

"Hey, baby, did you find what you were looking for?" Mom asked, looking at me cautiously. Her eyes tried to stay on my face, but I could see her slyly eyeing my neck.

_Thank God he decided to bite my shoulder tonight… _

"Yes, I did. Actually went and sat at the park in the square and read for a bit." Walking over to the coffee pot, I poured myself a cup and sat down with them.

"You look like shit, Edward." Dad said, matter of factly.

_Thanks dad, leave it to you to make me feel good._

"I'm tired Dad, haven't been sleeping to well." I mumbled into my mug as I took a drink.

"Is everything alright, son?" I could feel his eyes boring into the top of my head. The silence was deafening. Things were most certainly not alright; my emotions were simmering under the surface and wanting to spill forth.

I saw him wave my mother away out of the corner of my eyes. She got up from the table, kissed me on the head and left the kitchen.

"Edward, I know something is bothering you son. I want you to talk to me. Your mother and I are worried about you." He slowly got up from his chair and came to sit at the one next to me.

I stared at the grains of the wood on the table, trying to keep myself in check. I needed this so bad, to tell someone, for someone else to bear the burden with me. It was just too much for me to keep to myself anymore. My dad reached out and put his arm around me and pulled me into his shoulder. When I felt the warmth and comfort of his protective embrace, all control was lost and I burst into tears.

The sobs racked my body as all the hurt, anger, frustration and love I had for Jasper seeped through every pore in my body. Dad wrapped both arms around me, holding me close and soothing me with words. I pulled my feet up and rocked myself back and forth, needing to get it all out so I could try and move on. Needing to get past all the negative feelings was the only way we were going to survive this together. I knew that and hopefully Jasper knew that.

This continued for about fifteen minutes while dad patiently waited for me to start to calm down. My cries were slowly coming to halt, but I was a wet, snotty mess. Unfortunately, so was my dad's shirt. Pulling back, I eyed it warily. Dad looked down, grimaced, then looked back at me and we both started laughing. It felt wonderful.

"Sorry, dad. Didn't mean to slime you there," I said as I reached out to grab a napkin to wipe my face with.

He looked at me, still smiling, but it never made it to his eyes. They were clearly distraught by the display I had just made.

"Edward," he sighed. "We need to talk, now." He demanded.

Getting up from the table, he unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, leaving him in only his white undershirt. I could feel his eyes on me, but I refused to look up. I was terrified at what was about to happen, my father had reached his limit.

"Let's go to the office, son. We can have some privacy in there, okay?" He beckoned me to follow him with a wave of his hand; he knew I could see it.

Standing up, I grudgingly followed him.

"Do we have to do this right now, dad?" I called out to him as I headed towards his sanctuary.

"I'm really freaking tired and need to get some rest before school tomorrow."

_Christ, I sounded like a whiny fucking baby…Definitely not mature enough to be with Jasper. Fuck!_

"Now!" My father's voice boomed from the office. There was no room for argument when he took that tone with me.

Walking into the office, I noticed dad standing at the bar, pouring Jack Daniels into two tumblers.

_Holy shit…he must be nervous too…he does know I have school tomorrow, right?_

Shutting the door behind me, I sat down in the chair in front of the desk.

"On the couch, Edward," his voice echoed from under the bar as he put the whiskey away.

I let out a deep breath, got up and walked over to sit on the couch. Plopping down into the corner, I waited for my dad to come over and start the inquisition.

My body was hunched over my knees, hands folded and I stared at the floor. Dad's feet came into my line of vision and he handed me the whiskey. I took the glass and raised my head to meet his eyes.

"You trying to get me drunk, dad?" I asked wryly.

"Hardly, son, just trying to help calm you so we can have a long overdue talk about what you have been up to. So drink up," he clanked his glass against mine and swallowed the contents of his drink.

"Ughhh, here goes nothing." I opened my mouth and quickly downed the amber liquid. My entire body shuddered and not in a good way.

_Mother fucker that burned…shit!_

"Fucking hell, dad…that was awful." Handing the glass back to him, I went to the mini-fridge and pulled out a coke. I popped the top and guzzled the sweet, fizzy beverage.

"Watch the language, Edward." He was giving me a pointed look.

"Dad, if I have to watch my language, we may as well not have this conversation right now." I grumbled out in frustration.

He pat me on the back, "Fair enough, Edward. This is a no holds barred conversation from here on out. So fucking get to it then."

A huge smile lit up my face, straight laced Carlisle never cussed and hearing it was a rare and comical thing. Both he and my mom were very much opposed to the use of curse words to get your point across.

_That's why you cuss so damn much._

"I don't know what to say or where to start," I hesitantly spoke, pulling my legs into my chest.

He looked over at me, questions and concern lining his features.

"Why don't you start with who he is, Edward. I know this is about a boy. Are you in a relationship?"

I snorted, "Nope, Dad. I effectively ended that one tonight for the time being. We were going nowhere, fast."

He cleared his throat; I knew this was so hard for him to talk to me about. He tried so hard when he found out I was gay to be able to relate to me, read tons of books and did hours of research. He never wanted me to feel like I didn't have anyone who would understand. The subject still made him squirm a little.

"Are we talking about a classmate?" He looked at me expectantly, unknowing that he had me at a crossroads. Did I betray my word to Jasper, or not? I needed his advice so badly, the whole thing wasn't fair at all.

"No, dad, it's not a classmate." I whispered softly.

I heard his sharp intake of breath. "What aren't you telling me, Edward?"

"Dad, I want to…so bad. Just don't ask me who. I will tell you anything else but that." I pleaded with him silently with my eyes, imploring him not to take this further.

"Why, son?" There was so much meaning behind those two simple words. He was telling me that I could trust him. That he wanted to help me. That nothing I would say would deter from the love he had for me.

In the back of my mind, all I saw was Jasper. Knowing that there was no guarantee that my dad would ever keep quiet, I made my decision.

"I promised, Dad. He isn't exactly out and proud if you know what I mean. "

"Well, I can't say that I'm disappointed that it appears to be over. You are far too young to be in a relationship where one party is hiding their sexuality. From what I read, that doesn't usually end well."

I fucking loved my dad, he tried so hard.

"You just haven't been happy, Edward. Haven't been eating or sleeping very well and you seem to be upset, a lot. It hasn't been easy to watch and I want to do what I can to help you."

"I haven't had much to smile about," I muttered in a broken voice. A tear finally breached my lid and slipped down my cheek. I quickly swiped it away; there had been enough of that earlier.

"Was he your…boyfriend or partner?" He sounded so confused.

"He wasn't either one, he was everything." When those words left my lips and floated into the air, my heart finally broke for what I did in the café.

I couldn't stop them anymore, so I let the silent tears course down my face. I was too exhausted and broken to hold them in anymore.

We sat there in silence while he took in what I had said. He let me reflect in peace, he always knew what I needed, instinctively. My tears ran down my neck and ended up soaking into my collar until it was uncomfortable and cold. Looking around, I saw my hooded sweatshirt hanging on the coat rack in the office.

Standing up, I pulled my shirt over my head as I walked over to get the sweatshirt. My dad's arm shot out, grabbing onto me and stopping me dead in my tracks.

"What the hell, Edward? What is that?" He asked incredulously, staring at the dark purple bite mark that adorned my shoulder. I could see my reflection in the mirror and it did not look pretty. All of a sudden, I was fucking terrified.

"It's nothing," I sighed heavily. He was not going to let this go.

"Nothing?" He balked "This is not nothing! Did he do this to you?"

He grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me. "Answer me!" He roared.

"Dad, it's not what you think…" I tried to interject.

"Did. He. Do. This. To. You?" He was seething, his pale skin mottled.

"Yes!" I shouted back. He dropped his hands from my shoulders and took a step back. His mouth was open as a loud gasp escaped.

"Tell me his name, right now!" He shouted at me.

"Dad!" I screamed. "Would you fucking stop it and listen to me?"

I walked closer to where he stood, needing him to hear me.

"He didn't hurt me on purpose, I promise. It happened in the heat of the moment…"

"Okay," he interrupted, putting his hands up. "That's enough of that." He said as he put his fingers in his ears.

_Oh please, like I never heard him and mom going at it?_

"The thing is, son. I saw what you looked like before, when your neck was scraped up and bruised. That is not …what's the word I want here…"

"It's love…that's what it is. Even if we are not together right now, I love him."

My dad walked over to the bar and poured another drink. He held the bottle out toward me, "Do you want some more?"

"Um, no, but thanks." This was ridiculous. He needed to drink to talk about this?

_Do you really want to hear about him and mom with a clear head…Hell no!_

He took a sip, then swallowed the rest in one gulp.

He walked over to me, pulled my arm towards him and turned me towards the mirror.

"That," he pointed to my shoulder. "Is not love, that is borderline abuse."

"Edward, love is sweet and kind and passionate, but not painful, at least not this kind of painful."

Looking at him, I rolled my eyes and huffed. "Are you fucking kidding me? You are telling me that when you and mom first got together, you were never rough with each other?"

_Ahhhhh, I needed to bleach my fucking brain!!! _

Dad shifted uncomfortably, "That's not what I'm saying…" He was stammering and clearly at a loss for words.

"We were never rough like this, Edward. Maybe a hickey…"

"Oh God, stop!" I cried out. This was too much.

"The point is, Dad. I knew what I was doing and you don't know what I did to him. I marked him up just…"

He put both hands up, "No more, from either one of us. "

"Deal," I said, reaching out for a handshake. He smiled, grasped my hand in his and shook.

"I'm really worried about you, Edward. It is hard to watch you go through this, to be a silent observer from the sidelines. I just need you to tell me that you aren't doing anything you aren't supposed to, that you aren't in over your head."

Swallowing hard, I tried to figure the best way to proceed here.

"Maybe a little over my head, Dad, which is why I broke it off for the time being. It's an enlightening process, learning how to be in a relationship, I just picked a whopper for my first one."

_No shit…dumbass._

"Can you tell me about him, at least? I'm not all that comfortable with you being with someone we haven't even met, but then I have to remember that pretty soon you will be moving out and on your own. You have always made decisions with a level head and haven't given us much reason to ever question the choices you have made. I just hope that I am not being remiss as a parent here in letting this whole thing go so easily."

_Well now I really felt like shit, I hated fucking lying to him._

"What do you want to know?" I muttered.

"Well, for starter's, where did you meet him?"

"We met at school."I replied, hesitantly.

He whipped his head towards mine, "I thought you said he didn't go to school with you?"

"No…you asked if he was a classmate and I said no." _FUCK!_

Garnering strength I didn't know I had, I continued. "He is not a student in one of my classes, but I see him and met him there." I hoped and prayed my story was plausible.

"I see," my dad sighed. "No names?"

"No, Dad, I told you he isn't open about his sexuality yet."

Dad took a deep breath and released it. "Okay, Edward, no names."

He glanced my way and I met his eyes with my own, he was anticipating his next sentence. I could see the wheels turning.

"Please, son, I need you to reassure me that I am doing the right thing here. That when I let this go that I am making the decision that is best for you and me. That I am not making the wrong choice when I trust you to decide and think for yourself. Can you do that?"

My gaze never wavered from his when I replied. "Dad, you have my word that I will do my best to make sound and smart decisions. That your trust in me is something I value. I am trying my hardest to make the best out of this situation. I just need you to have faith in me and know that if I get my way in the end you will meet a wonderful man that makes me happier than I have ever been."

He gathered me into his arms and hugged me, "I trust you, son and we can't wait to meet him."

Hugging him back, I smiled, feeling better, but still wishing I had someone to unload the whole story on.

"I love you , Dad."

"You too, Edward. Now get to bed, you have school in the morning." He threw my shirt at me and shoved me towards the door, playfully.

By this point I was so exhausted. I wandered up the stairs, pushed open my door and collapsed in my bed. I was asleep before I could count to 10.

Waking up the next morning, the feeling of dread washed over me again. It felt like déjà vu. This time it was my fault, I was the one who walked away without settling anything. I was fearful of how he would react to me and I was extremely nervous about Ms. Denali and her knowledge of our whereabouts yesterday. There was nothing I could do or say there, the ball was in Jasper's court and he was going to have to deal with her.

I just hoped that she didn't do anything to jeopardize his career. She scared me, she was a cougar with extra sharp claws. I just hope she didn't use him as her sharpening post.

I ran out the door of the house with Alice in tow, we were both running behind seeing as mom woke us up late this morning. We hopped in the car and sped off towards school. I looked and felt like shit, never should have drunk that whiskey, my stomach was in knots.

"Edward, couldn't you have at least combed you hair?" Alice asked, while checking her reflection in the visor mirror.

I shoved her with my arm, "Fuck off, I was tired and I did comb it."

She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye while applying her lipstick. "You could have fooled me."

"Alice, can you not give me shit this morning? I am not in the mood for it." Running my hands through my unruly hair, I really hoped she would listen.

"Sorry, I heard you and Dad yelling last night. You okay?" Her head was cocked towards mine, peaked with curiosity.

"Yes, I'm fine. What exactly did you hear?" My stomach was churning even faster now. There were some things I didn't want her to hear, especially about the passionate biting.

_Because face it, asshole. If Alice came home with marks or bites, you would kill the bastard._

"Nothing really, just loud, muffled voices booming from behind the door. I have to admit, I'm glad you came out of there alive. Dad sounded like a bear."

"He was fine, just got a little worked up, Ali. Future note for you, don't come home with a visible hickey, okay?"

I reached over and poked her in the side. "I take that back, don't you ever come home with a hickie, at all!" I used my best "big brother" voice to get the point across.

"Whatever, Edward, it's better than bite marks." She chided me.

"That's enough of this conversation. How's school, Alice? Grades good? Any boys I should know about?"

She snorted, "You are so lame, Edward. Way to change the subject."

I decided saying nothing was best at that point, I just let her finish applying her make-up and hoped we weren't late. We pulled into the parking lot with five minutes to spare. Both of us grabbed our bags and ran in opposite directions so we could beat the tardy bell.

The level of exhaustion I felt hit me full force in my first period, the words were blurring together on the chalkboard as I tried to force my eyes to stay open.

_Good news is, at least it keeps your mind off the blonde Adonis who pinned you against the wall last night._

Great, I had a mother fucking hard-on. Why did I have to think of the way he held me against the building at that moment, in class?

_Fuck, it was so hot! Not helping the crotch throb, Edward._

Willing the images away, I tried my best to focus on class. It wasn't easy. Every minute that passed brought me closer to history. I had no plans on running out and puking again, but I certainly did not imagine the situation was going to be a comfortable one.

Before I knew it, the bell signaling lunch was ringing. I was not hungry in the least bit. My stomach was still a mess and I opted to go to the library and read instead. I shot Alice a quick text before grabbing my things and heading towards the library.

I was about to turn the corner, when I saw Ms. Denali slip into Jasper's classroom. I couldn't help myself, there was something telling me I needed to go see if I could hear anything.

Maybe it was the fear that she would out us.

Maybe it was the fear of police and reporters.

Maybe it was just to be there to show him my support, even if he didn't know I was there.

I made sure no one was around and stealthily made my way over to his door and tried my best to hear what was going on.

It started out with murmurs, but slowly I began to make out what they were saying. His voice rang through loud and clear and what I was hearing was far worse that I had imagined.

_Was she trying to seduce my fucking…whatever he is to me? Oh hell no, bitch._

I was ready to go bounding in there, when I heard him rebuff her. The problem was, she did have some sort of proof we may be more that student/teacher. I could hear the accusatory tone in her voice. I sat down in the hall with my back to the door, trying to nonchalantly get my ear near the crack.

That was when I heard it…

_"What I want to keep quiet Mr. Whitlock, is you..."__**No, Jasper…don't.**_

_"I am not having sex with you, EVER!"__**Oh, thank fuck.**_

_"Please, like I want to sleep with you. No telling __where __that thing has been."__**Fucking bitch.**_

_"Then what do you want, Irina? If you don't want sex?"__**I was so scared for him.**_

_"You embarrassed me, you shot me down, I don't take that lightly. I want you to date me. Take me out, hold my hand in front of the others, play nice and make me look adored. I need it, they all think the worst of me. It would change their opinion by a long shot if someone like you wants me and treats me right."__**Are you fucking kidding me?**_

_"They all know I'm gay.__You __told them."__**What about that, bitch?**_

_"Oh, Mr. Whitlock...you know you only told me that because you were afraid of what you felt for me. The instantaneous attraction terrified you, right? There is no way people would believe a man that looks like you would be gay anyways."__**Fuck, no….**_

_"What's it going to be, Mr. Whitlock? You act like you're with me or I share the picture and start trouble that you or Edward don't need."__**Oh baby, no, tell her no, please…**_

_"Okay, you win."__**No….Oh, God…. **_

When I heard him agree to that charade, that farce, a dagger pieced right through my heart. The thought that he would have to endure anything so awful, even pretending upset me greatly.

_Why would he agree to that, why? We could have figured something out._

I started to pace and not wanting to be caught, bolted to the library where I could think. I walked inside and went and sat at the far corner and tried to keep myself from getting sick.

I couldn't grasp the concept of him agreeing to date that whore. She was just like her daughter, a big, nasty, fucking whore. That stupid slut was not going to get away with this. What was wrong with her? You just don't do that to people.

My whole body was in a rage, but there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. If I tried to get involved then we would really look guilty and I refused to put him at risk, anymore. He had already taken to many chances because of me.

It made me so disgusted to think of her touching him at all.

_That fucking slut was mine for the taking. I hope I get to be there when she falls._

Ms. Denali didn't know it, but she had messed with the wrong man. I would figure out how to fix this, how to get him out it. That bitch was going to get it.

After adopting the new attitude, I headed to my next class. I was still anxious to see him after the previous night, but now I just wanted to hold him and tell him that it would all be okay. That we would figure this out. She was not going to get away with it.

After my next few classes, and an interesting game of dodge ball with Emmett in athletics, it was time. Walking into class, I could see his handsome profile, bent over his desk grading papers. I paused for a moment and let my eyes feast on the sight before me.

As if he could feel me watching him, he raised up his head and his tired eyes met mine. He gave me a half smile, and I smiled back. Not wanting to attract any unwanted attention, I headed over to my desk and plopped down next to Jacob.

"Hey, Jacob. What's up?" I asked. He really was a good looking boy.

He smiled big, flashing those pearly whites. "Not much, Cullen. How's my favorite little man today?"

"Psshhh, little my ass, you have no clue." I winked at him and turned back to the front.

"Very nice, Edward, way to keep things…friendly." He muttered.

I gave him my best smile, "I was being friendly, not my fault if your mind is in the gutter."

"Cullen…Black!" We both whipped our heads to the front. Jasper was glowering at both of us.

_Shit._

"If you can pull yourselves away from social hour, I have a class I would like to begin." He growled out.

_Fuck, he was pissed._

I made sure not to talk to Jacob anymore during class, no use in making him even more angry. He walked around the room and handed us each back the test we had taken before the break. He went from desk to desk, giving them to us face down.

When he got to my desk, I looked straight into his eyes, pleading for him not to be angry with me and very subtly slid my finger along his. He let out a low hiss when I did that and gave a slight shake of his head.

_Note to self, keep all parts of you off of him during class._

When class was over and the final bell rang, Jacob turned and asked if I wanted to go get some coffee. Jasper was watching our every move.

"I can't go today, I have a shitload of homework to do." It was a pathetic but plausible excuse.

"Why Cullen, you afraid your boy might be intimidated?" He goaded.

"Shut up, Jacob. You aren't even that good looking and I don't have a boy, remember?"

Jasper slammed his drawer shut, making us both jump.

"Alright, Cullen, next time then." He gathered his bag and walked out the door.

When the door clicked shut, I met Jasper's furious gaze.

"You move quick, Edward. Are you sure you don't want to run after your lap dog and go have some coffee?" He wasn't even looking at me, he was staring at the desk.

"He isn't my lap dog, Jasper. You know better than I that we can't act any different than normal when we are at school. I am a flirt, always have been and always will be. I can't act any different because I am in here."

He let out a long breath," I think it's best if you leave, Edward. Denali is not unaware and I don't need to be caught alone in a room with you."

"Fair enough, but we need to talk some more." I told him as I gathered my stuff to leave.

"I know, we will, just not now, okay beautiful?" He looked at me longingly, it twisted my heart painfully.

"Okay." I called back as I walked out the door.

Alice was already in the car when I got there and could gage my mood well enough to know that now was not the time to say anything.

We got to the house and I went straight to my room. I replayed the conversation between Jasper and Ms. Denali in my head over and over again. Trying to pinpoint a reason he ever agreed to the fake relationship anyway. My mind just couldn't comprehend a reason, then all of a sudden, it hit me.

I sat straight up in bed, my eyes wide and breathing labored.

_Holy Fuck, he loves me. He really fucking loves me._

Why else would he do it, he was protecting me and this was the only way he knew how.

_Fuck, I need to see him._

There was no way that was happening before night fell, that's for sure. I would have to sneak out o the house.

_Shit, more lies and secrets._

Was he worth it all? The answer was hell fucking yes he was.

When dinner time rolled around, I went downstairs and sat with everyone while we ate. I hadn't eaten all day and my stomach was grateful to be fed. We all made small talk, my parents and I still treading lightly after the conversation from last night.

After we were done, I helped my mom clean the kitchen and told everyone I was going to sleep early. I went upstairs, took a shower and anxiously waited for everyone to go to bed. My hands were going crazy with the need to touch him. Good, bad or ugly, we were what we were. I loved him and I needed him and we would have to figure out a way for all of this to work.

When the lights were all off and I heard my parent's door click, I snuck downstairs and out into the garage. I popped the switch to make it a manual open and slowly lifted it up so I could get my car out.

_This sneaky shit was ridiculous._

Starting the car, I pulled it into the driveway, got out and slowly shut the garage. Getting back into the car, I headed towards Jasper's house, ready to be there and see him. I did the same thing I had done before, parked down the street and headed over there.

Walking up to his house, I didn't care who saw me. I needed to talk to him.

He had laid so much on the line for me today and I wanted to tell him that I understood. He did feel something, he wouldn't have agreed to a deal with the devil if he didn't.

I went over to the gate on the side of the house and slipped into the back. Making my way to the door, I took a deep breath and knocked. When he didn't answer, I knocked again, harder.

I saw him peek through the blinds, a confused look on his gorgeous face. He slowly opened the door, staring at me warily.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" He made no move to allow me entrance into the house.

Closing the distance, I wrapped my arms around his waist and whispered, "I love you." Then, taking the biggest risk of life, I laid my lips against his.

His body froze for a split second before his arms were around me, dragging me into the house while he devoured my mouth. I opened up to him and he slid his silky tongue right in.

"Fuuuccckkk," I moaned into his mouth. It felt so fucking perfect.

He plunged his fingers into my hair and pulled my face back. Leaning forward, he kissed me one more time before he dragged his mouth up the side of my neck. I squirmed in his arms, I was so sensitive there.

"I need you, so fucking bad," he growled in my ear.

Pulling my hair even tighter with his fingers he moaned, "Don't ever leave me again, Edward. I can't handle it."

Groaning in pain from his hands wound tightly in my hair, I reached my hands up to gently tug them down. He was looking at me fearfully, scared of what I was going to say.

I put my hands on either side of his handsome face and brought my lips gently against his.

"I can't stay away from you, anymore, Jasper. I need you so fucking bad, too."

I tilted my head to the side and gently swept his lips with my tongue, his mouth opened up just for me and I showed him how desperately I needed him with my lips.

"I" Kiss. "Love" Kiss. "You" Kiss.

He placed his forehead against mine, "You are mine, you know that, right? Mine, Edward."

"Yes," I whispered. "All yours, Jasper."

He groaned into my mouth and kissed me passionately while picking me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist.

I immediately ground my dick into his, telling him with my body how much I wanted to be with him. He spun me around and backed us up into the wall in the living room.

"Edward, you are playing with fire." He rasped loudly against my neck as he rubbed his cock up and down against mine while holding me in place.

"I want you to burn me then, make me yours, mark me as yours, Jasper." I moaned into his ear.

"Holy Fuck," he cried out right before I felt his warm, wet mouth close over my neck and bite down.

"Fuck baby…just like that." I screamed, pushing even harder into his dick.

"Feels so fucking good," he sighed, picking me up and carrying me into his room.

When he walked in there and stood me on the ground. We looked at each other for a split second before our mouths fused again and we started tearing each others clothes off in a haste to be skin to skin. When we were both in our boxers, we stopped to take in the sight of each other.

"Fucking shit, Edward, you are so goddamn beautiful." He murmured as his hands caressed every inch of exposed skin above my boxers. He then followed with his mouth as he gently laid me on the bed. My moans and hisses echoed off the walls as he slowly worshipped my body. He made me feel so fucking special.

"I love you, Jasper, so much." I whispered to him, his stormy blue eyes glistened when he heard the words.

"Thank you," he sighed as he kissed a path down from my navel to the waistband of my boxers. He hooked his fingers into the side and slowly slid them down.

His loud gasp filled the room as he took in my body in it's entirety.

"My beautiful boy," he said as he leaned forward a placed a gentle kiss on the head of my cock.

"Holy shit," I screamed, slamming my dick straight into his mouth. He must have known what I was going to do, because he opened right up and took my length all the way in.

"Oh, God, Jasper…Fuck," I called out as I watched his soft, red lips slide up and down my dick. His eyes were closed and his dark lashes lay gently against his cheek.

He thought I was beautiful, but he was most certainly a sight to behold. My body was shuddering, and I could feel my orgasm drawing near. I wasn't ready for that yet, I wanted to cum with him.

I reached down and gently pulled his head back, he pulled his mouth off, his lips were wet and swollen.

_So fucking hot!_

He was looking right into my eyes, "Why did you want me to stop?"

I smiled, "I want to touch you too. I want to cum with you."

He crawled slowly up the bed, straddled my lap and kissed me. Our mouths were dancing erotically, tongues sliding in and out teasingly. I wanted so badly to wrap my lips around his cock, to taste it once again.

"I want to taste you," I breathed into his mouth.

"Fuck…Edward," he groaned back.

Pulling away, I looked into his eyes.

"Teach me, please, Jasper. Show me how to please you." I wanted so badly to be everything he needed and wanted forever.

I pushed him back, as he stared at me in awe. Kneeling in front of him on the mattress, I brought him up onto his knees.

Placing my lips against his, I hissed, "Please, show me."

I low moan rumbled deep in his chest as my hands reached down and pushed his boxers down his slim hips. He reached down, never taking his eyes off me and took them all the way off. I broke our gaze and dropped my eyes to his perfectly, hard cock bobbing in front of us.

"Mother of fuck," I sighed. He was so fucking perfect. I slowly brought my hand down to his dick and wrapped my fingers around him. I wanted so badly for him to be in my mouth. He

arched his long back, his sun-kissed muscles rippling before my eyes.

"Edward…" my name left his lips on a long, staggered breath.

Sliding my hand lazily along his perfect cock, I watched his body writhe in front of me. It was euphoric.

"Jasper," I whispered in to his mouth. "Teach me how to love you."

His mouth moved with mine, our skin scorching as we aligned our bodies as much as we could. He reached his hands up and held my face in his hands, keeping my head still so he could taste every square inch of my mouth. His taste mingled with mine, it was delectable.

We laid down on the bed, side by side, never parting our mouths. I loved kissing him, to have that intimacy with him, but I needed more.

Breaking the kiss, I pushed back and sat up on my knees. Leaning over, I rolled him flat on his back, then leaned over to place a line of kisses down his cock. He hissed and cried out loud. The sound was music to my ears.

I wrapped my mouth around him, swirling my tongue around the tip and dipping it in his slit. He tasted scrumptious everywhere. Slowly, I began to move my head up and down, making sure I took in as much of him as I could. I wanted so badly to be perfect for him.

"Unghhhh…baby….so fucking good," he growled.

I felt his hands on my hips, trying to push my legs out. I picked up my head and looked at him, confused.

"Trust me," he mouthed silently. He straightened my legs, putting my feet by his head, then he slid further down the bed. He grasped my hips in his hand, then pulled them towards his face.

_Holy fuck…he is about to make all my fantasies a reality._

He winked at me before slowly taking my cock into his mouth. I watched him trail his tongue down the side before nipping lightly at the base. He looked at me and mouthed, "You too." He was pushing his hips towards me as well.

_Oh my God!_

I laid back down and took his dick right back into my mouth. The sensation of being in his mouth while he was in mine was the sexiest fucking feeling in the world. My hips were fucking the searing wet heat of his mouth while the silky length of his cock fucked mine.

I pulled my mouth off of him and took one of his balls into my mouth, slowly rolling it around. This action caused him to moan around me, making me fuck his face even harder.

"Fuck, Jasper…feels so damn good…don't…stop…" I panted out as he lightly dragged his teeth down my cock.

I quickly took him back in, bound and determined that we would cum together. I moved my head up and down, while gently massaging his balls in my hand. He was doing the same to me and we were moaning simultaneously.

Grabbing tightly onto his thighs, I moved my mouth even faster, sliding my middle finger up and down his ass. I lightly pressed but never entered his tight little hole, making him moan even louder around me.

When I couldn't take anymore, I started lightly using my teeth. That was enough to bring that gorgeous man over the edge. I felt him tense up just as my orgasm hit me. He bucked wildly into my mouth; I grabbed on and held him in place. He shot warm streams down my throat and I greedily consumed every last drop.

"Fucking delicious," he groaned. We lay there for a few minutes, trying to catch our breath. I took one last suck of his softening cock and crawled my way back up to him. Pushing him on his back, I kissed him with all that I had.

These kisses were soft and gentle. I poured all the love and passion I had for him into his mouth. He was my everything. I could stay away no more.

"I love you, Jasper." I whispered against his pouty lips.

He smiled against my mouth, "I know you do, my beautiful boy. You belong to me, for eternity, I can't let you go anymore."

He pulled me tightly to him, wrapping his arms around me. We laid there in the silence, loving the feeling that surrounded us. I felt so warm and protected in his embrace, that when sleep overtook me, I let it. I dreamed of falling asleep in his arms every night and waking up to his gorgeous face everyday.

I truly loved this man.

**A/N2: Please review and tell me what you think…I tried to end with some fluff for you…they have enough turmoil in their lives.**

**Reviews get you a teaser of the outtake for Haiti!!! It is a hot one….**

**Want to talk about this story with everyone, come visit us on the thread: www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=8017**

**MWAH…..**

**Robyn**

.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **

**Thank you so much to my beta Darkira for making my shiz better.**

**Thanks to OnTheTurningAway or being my pre-reader...you know how I feel...**

**Thanks to all the ladies on the WC's...you guys kept me going..MWAH!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my iPhone that I adore and can't live without.**

* * *

JPOV

Holding my beautiful boy as he slowly fell into a deep slumber was the closest I had been to peace in as long as I could remember. Feeling his warm, naked, sweaty skin against mine was something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. He was perfection, from his unruly bronze hair to the tips of his adorable toes. He was mine, all mine.

Raising my hand up to his face, I lightly caressed his cheek and jawbone while placing light kisses along the way. His smell surrounded me, enveloped me and held me tight. My fingers combed through his copper locks, trying to tame the mess we had made of them earlier that night. His petal soft lips were slightly parted and soft snores escaped from his mouth. It was so fucking cute. Pulling him to me tighter, I grinned into his hair.

He was so sleepy, so exhausted.

_Well no shit, you wore him out emotionally and physically, poor baby._

This boy, and let's face facts compared to me he was, had come into my life and taken over. He had my heart, which was my most rare and precious gift. He had no clue it was his, but I had an idea that he was close to figuring it out. I was confused as to what brought him to my doorstep earlier that evening. When we left things in the restaurant, he wanted a break, time to think. This was only the next day, something happened to change his mind and I was dying to find out what it was.

Wrapping my sweaty limbs around him, I let my fingers lightly trace anywhere they could reach. I wanted them to memorize every last detail and contour of his beautiful body. My skin was on fire and my cock was growing harder by the minute as I recalled all the places I had tasted on this exquisite boy. Touching him was worth every bit of torturous pleasure. Who knew how long it would be before we could lie together like this, skin to skin, limbs intertwined and lovingly satisfied.

Sleep would not come for me tonight. I was not going to take the risk of getting him in trouble with his parents, so at 4:00 AM , I would send him out the door. That thought made my heart twist in pain. Loving Edward was the hardest thing I had ever done. It caused me more hurt than being with Felix ever did. My body ached when I was away from him. I literally throbbed from head to toe when he was in my presence, needing to touch him so badly. He was truly the missing part of my soul and his innocent, adoring love for me had repaired the broken chambers in my heart.

Glancing over at the clock, I saw that it was only 2:00 AM. We still had two hours to be together, I still had two hours to hold and touch him.

_Now if my dick only understood that I had no intention of waking him before it was time to go._

Wrapping my arm around his waist, I pulled him into my chest and smiled. This was where he belonged, he was a perfect fit. My fingers lightly toyed with his navel and leisurely traveled down into the coarse hair underneath. I let out a low groan as I remembered all the attention I had paid to this area earlier.

_Fuck me, I needed him again. It will never be enough._

Turning my head slightly, I bit into the pillow and groaned because I was so fucking horny now that it was either that or him and I was trying not to wake him up. He really needed sleep but I knew I really needed a release so I pulled myself away from my beautiful boy and decided a quick, hot shower was in order. I moved away gently, admiring his lean, toned body from above the bed. Although he was sleeping, his cock was hard, just for me; the head was leaking and begging to be sucked. I wanted to swallow his dick whole, nibbling my way up and down as I brought him to his peak again and again.

_Fuck! I need to take care of this or I was going to fuck him now and now was not the time for that._

Taking one last look at the sleeping beauty before me, I pulled the covers over him and headed into the bathroom. Walking in, I opened the door and turned on the shower. I leaned my head back against the wall, thinking about Edward in my mouth and getting harder by the second. Reaching down, I grasped my dick in my hand and began to stroke it back and forth. The memories of his innocent expression when he told me to teach him nearly made me cum right then.

_This could get messy, Jasper. Get your ass in the shower._

I opened the door, tested the water and got in. I didn't even hesitate before taking myself in hand once again, sliding my slick hand up and down repeatedly. Closing my eyes, I let all the secret places I had discovered on his body take my mind to another time. In my thoughts, he was underneath me, looking into my eyes while we made love repeatedly on a lazy Sunday morning.

_We were lying in our bed facing each other, letting slow kisses turn into blazing, passionate ones. My tongue tasted every bit of his mouth and his did the same as they slid against each other over and over again. I turned him over on his stomach and sat on his legs. My fingers traced every bit of his pale, snow white skin. Kneading the muscles in his back, my hands trailed down his spine to his gorgeous ass. Scooting down the bed, I leaned down and kissed the dimples at the base of his spine before sliding my tongue down his crack until I reached my favorite spot. _

_Slowly spreading him open for me, I let my tongue trace his tight, puckered hole and he tensed beneath me. _

_"Jasper," he hissed._

_Grinning, I continued my loving exploration of my beautiful boy. I pushed my tongue inside of him slightly and he moaned above me. It was a symphony of sounds that he made just for me. After sliding my tongue in and out of him a few times, I replaced it with my finger. He groaned and bucked into my face as I fucked him with my finger, adding another as I prepared him for me. _

_"Are you ready beautiful?" I murmured against his skin as I slowly kissed and gently bit my way up his back. _

_"Yes...Jasper, please...," he pleaded, his body twisting and turning slightly as I made my way to his neck._

_Placing a wet, open mouth kiss there, I turned him over so he was now on his back, underneath me. Looking into his eyes while sliding into and out of his warm, waiting body was the most intense feeling in the world to me and I couldn't wait._

_Leaning down to kiss my beautiful boy, he opened his mouth up to me and we kissed passionately and lovingly. He knew every time our lips touched how much I needed, loved and adored him. He was my everything. _

_Leaning over to the nightstand, I pulled out a condom, tore open the package and rolled it on myself while he stared intensely into my eyes. Popping open the top of the lube, I poured some into his hand while smirking at him. His eyes became hooded with lust as he rubbed his hands together and then reached for me. His long fingers wrapped around me and he slid his hand over me repeatedly until my cock was slick and ready for him._

_"I love you," he whispered as I watched him take his hand and slide it down towards his entrance._

_"Oh Fuck...Edward," I sighed out loud as I watched him trace his hole with his slick fingers before pushing two inside of himself._

_He groaned out loud as his graceful back arched up off the bed. _

_"Feels so good, J...," he moaned as he writhed underneath me, his beautiful body twisting and turning as his fingers moved in and out of him. _

_"You are so fucking perfect, Edward," I murmured as I slowly pulled his hand away. Dragging my hands down his sides and running them down his legs, I stopped at his knees. I lifted them up and wrapped them around my waist, pulling him closer as I lined myself up at his entrance and looked down at him._

_"Please," he whispered through parted, ruby red lips, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down in anticipation. I was hypnotized watching his mouth as he dragged his teeth over the plump, tender flesh. _

_"I fucking love you," I growled as I slid the head of my cock past the tight ring of muscle. Throwing my head back, I moaned at the all encompassing sensation of being surrounded by his warmth. Pulling back slightly, I then thrust back in a little further, repeating this until I was fully buried inside my beautiful boy. _

_"Fucking amazing," I cried out when I was fully seated inside of him, holding still to savor the sensation._

_My beautiful boy was watching me from the hood of his lashes. I watched as the tip of his tongue__peeked out and traced his lower lip. I needed to taste him so badly, so I leaned down and fused my mouth with his. Our tongues slid languidly against each other and I began to rock my hips gently against his. We were taking it slow and allowing the emotions to pass through us with each thrust. Each stroke inside of him only sealed our bond even tighter. The love and lust__surrounded us, binding our souls together._

_Sitting up, I took his hands and wrapped them around the rails behind his head._

_"Don't move them, or I stop," I grinned down at him as his emerald eyes narrowed into slivers of dark jade. His knuckles were white where he gripped with all his might. _

_He smiled at me, and then bit down on his lip. I stilled my hips and dragged my fingernails down his chest, leaving dark red lines in their wake._They were _beautiful against the ivory planes of his chest and abdomen. _

_He hissed and sucked in a breath. His body knew what was next, but he still tensed beneath me._

_Grasping his hips, I began to move back and forth, sliding into and out of him with ease. We both grunted with every thrust. His hands were grabbing onto the rails so tightly, his eyes pleading with me to allow him to let go._

_"DO!" Thrust._

_"NOT!" Thrust._

_"LET!" Thrust._

_"GO!" Thrust._

_Lifting his hips up at an angle, I slammed into him harder and faster. His cock was bouncing and dripping onto the muscled lines of his stomach._

_"You ready to cum, baby?" I growled as I grasped his cock in my hand. _

_"Oh...God...Yessss.....," he hissed as I slid my tight fist up and down his perfect fucking cock._

_"Jasper," he cried out as his body fell apart just for me and long, thick jets of cum spurted all over his chest and abdomen._

_My pace became frantic as the coil tightened inside of me and then unraveled._

_"Edward...," I cried out as wave after wave consumed me. _

Stroking my dick hard and fast, I felt myself cumming all over my hands as the spray of the shower hit me.

"Fuck!" Edward gasped.

My eyes flew open and I turned my head; there was my beautiful boy. He was standing in the doorway, naked and hard. He was everything I had just imagined and more because he was real.

"Edward," I panted, "what are you doing in here?" I was trying to collect my thoughts and calm myself down from the mind-blowing orgasm I just had thinking about him and our future.

"I...uhhh...shit!" he exclaimed as he stalked out the door.

_Great, he caught me whacking off, he probably thinks I am a fucking pervert._

Shutting off the water, I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around my waist and raced after him.

He was sitting on the bed in his boxers, his dick still standing proud.

"Are you okay, Edward?" I asked as I took tentative steps towards him.

He lifted up his head and locked his gaze with mine. "No," he squeaked.

_Fuck...what do I do now?_

Taking several deep, calming breaths, I walked over and sat down next to him. He moved away from me slightly, making me wince from the rejection.

"Edward," I sighed.

He was wringing his hands together, moving them in nervous patterns.

"What...why...fuck!" He buried his face in his hands and I moved over to wrap my arms around him, trying to calm the nervousness.

"What's wrong, Edward? Please tell me," I pleaded quietly.

He let out a sigh.

"I...just...fuck, Jasper. That was the hottest thing I have ever seen. I couldn't stop watching." His face was flushed and his fidgeting was getting worse.

Looking at my beautiful boy with a confused expression on my face, I asked, "Then why are you so upset?"

He pulled back and looked at me with wide eyes, "Ummm, because I _watched_ you, the _entire_ time!"

I was even more confused than ever.

"So?"

He looked at me, bit his lip and muttered, "I felt so dirty, like I was a voyeur intruding on your private time...yet I couldn't stop watching." He was in awe, his features all lit up like fireworks in the night sky.

"It doesn't bother me, Edward. I promise," I murmured in a husky voice.

He leaned forward as he whispered against my lips, "You were so beautiful to watch."

I opened my mouth under his and kissed him passionately. His mouth moved in perfect sync with mine. Our kisses went from furious to gentle as the minutes went by. Pulling back from him, I kissed him lightly on the lips once more before letting go.

"Edward, why don't you get dressed? Since you are awake, we need to talk." I stood up and walked over to my dresser. Not bothering with boxers, I pulled on a pair of lounge pants, sliding them on before removing my towel.

Looking over at my beautiful boy, I watched him slowly pull on his clothes and then crawl back into my bed. He smiled slightly at me and patted the bed next to him. I walked over to him and sat down on the edge. We looked at one another for a few moments, saying nothing as we let the words we couldn't say flow back and forth from our eyes.

Reaching between us, I took his hand in mine, delighting in the smile that graced his face when I did.

"So, Edward, you going to tell me what brought on the change of heart?"

He looked at me, his smile getting bigger and lighting up his beautiful fucking face. He still wasn't saying anything.

"I mean, last I heard, you wanted to take a break. Then, with no warning, you come knocking at my back door and kiss me." My hands came up to touch my lips at the memory of his lips on mine.

He got up on his knees, put his hands on my shoulders and looked me right in the eyes. His bright green eyes were dancing with emotions.

"You love me, don't you?" he asked, his gaze never wavering.

I gasped and pulled away from him. He was not going to be deterred. He crawled over to where I moved and climbed into my lap. Wrapping his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck, he whispered into my ear, "You _love_ me."

I just sat there, frozen and stunned, unable to say anything.

_How did he know? _

Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to be enveloped by the warmth of his embrace and let his love surround me. My home was in his arms and there was nowhere else I would ever want to be. My deepest desire was to be like this with him, forever. I wanted so badly for all this to work out, but the apprehension I felt was always lurking in the back of my mind.

His arms held me tighter, "Do you? Please...just tell me." His desperate whisper in my ear was slowly unraveling my resolve. I needed to get a grip on this situation, fast!

Placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder, I slowly disentangled myself from him.

"Edward," I murmured. "We need to talk. There are some things I really need to tell you." I scooted back against the headboard and he just looked at me with a crestfallen expression.

"Why won't you say it? Why can't you tell me?" He was so desperate to hear those words from me. It was breaking my fucking heart.

My throat was tight and was starting to burn. "Please, Edward, I need you to understand some things." My voice was hoarse and getting worse by the second.

"I know you love me, Jasper. You have to. Why else would you agree to what you did with Ms. Denali?" His eyes were glassy and wet, his face confused and frustrated.

My head flew up, "How do you know about that?" I roared.

His lower lip was slightly quivering, and he started to drag his teeth over it repeatedly. I stood up and walked over to the foot of the bed, looking down at my beautiful boy. I reached out and gently pulled his lip free.

"How did you find out, Edward? Who told you?" My heart was thundering in my chest as I waited for him to answer me.

_How the fuck did he know? Who the hell else knew? I was so fucked._

"No one told me. I listened through the door," he answered. He was looking up at me fearfully, waiting for my reaction.

"Why, Edward?" I was so confused.

"I needed to know, Jasper. It wasn't just about you, it was about me too." He started to bite that lower lip again, he was so nervous.

Sighing, I sat down in the chair across from him.

"I know it involved you too, I just wish you would trust me to handle it. I'm the adult here, I can..." I was quickly interrupted.

"Fuck you!" he yelled at me as he jumped up from the bed. "If after all this, all that we have been through and done and said, you still think I am just a kid? Then fuck you, asshole!"

Edward's face was flushed and he was seething.

_That was the wrong fucking thing to say you idiot, you better start back pedaling and quick!_

"Edward, that's not what I am saying, at all!" I put my hands out in front of me, trying to calm him down. He was such a ticking time bomb these days. One wrong word and he exploded.

"Then what were you saying, _Mr. Whitlock_? What were you implying when you said _you_ were the adult?" His hands were in fists against his hips.

"I was just saying that being older, I might be better equip..."

"You can save it, jackass." He spit out in rage as he grabbed his shoes and started to put them on.

I raked my fingers through my hair in frustrated strokes. This was going nowhere and fast.

"Would you fucking stop! This," I motioned my hand back and forth between us, "is not acting like a grown up, Edward. They talk, not get pissy and run off like a baby!"

He shot me the finger and put his other shoe on.

_Fuck, open mouth and insert foot._

"Edward!" I yelled loudly. "Calm the fuck down, right now!" This was god damn ridiculous.

He shot me a "go to hell" look and sat down on the bed.

"Say what you need to say, Jasper. I need to go home. It's after three in the morning," he looked up at me expectantly.

I sat down in the chair again, trying to carefully arrange the words in my head so he didn't get pissed off again.

"I don't think you are a kid, Edward. I was just trying to say that I probably have more life experience when it comes to handling a difficult situation than you might. But that may have been wrong to assume because I don't really know much about your past. You just come off as someone who hasn't had to deal with a lot of stress or heartache in their life."

"You're right," he whispered. "I'm sorry I got so mad, I am just trying so hard to be the man you need. I want to be someone you can lean on, someone you can count on, depend on."

He looked right into my eyes, "Someone you can love."

"Edward," I sighed.

_So fucking beautiful._

"You are all that to me, Edward. You know that," I pleaded with him earnestly. I needed him to understand how I felt without him making me say it.

"I'm what?" he questioned. "Someone you can count on or someone you can love?"

I dropped my head and looked down at my feet.

"Both..." You could have heard a pin drop after that. I was so fucking scared he was going to make me say more and I just couldn't. I wasn't ready.

"Jasper, look at me, please?" There was so much longing in his voice, I was powerless to stop from looking into his gorgeous green eyes.

"I just need to hear you say it, just once? Please?" His eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

_Jesus Christ, why can't he fucking let it go? _

"I can't..." the words fell off my lips and hung in the air between us.

One lonely tear rolled down his perfect cheek, leaving a shiny wet trail in its wake.

"Why?" he rasped. "Why is it so hard for you to tell me?" The other tear fell down the opposite side of his face. This was hurting _him_ as much as it was _me_.

"You know how I feel, Edward. I just can't do what you are asking of me, please understand that. This isn't easy for me, I can't just throw it out there like you."

He sucked in a sharp breath, "You think it was easy to tell you that I love you? Are you fucking serious? What dream world do you live in?"

The tears were now flowing freely down his cheeks and he was swiping at them in short, angry strokes.

I was trying so hard to keep my emotions in check, but he was making it so hard. There was nothing worse for me than to see him suffer.

"That's not what I meant, Edward. I am just saying that there is a lot of baggage that comes with me. There are damaged parts of me that can't be healed in an instant."

I took a deep breath and continued, "I was hurt, very badly, by people who claimed to love me. There are deep scars left behind by them."

Even though I knew we would have this conversation eventually, I hadn't thought through _how_ I was going to tell him.

He walked up to me slowly, reaching out in front for my hands. His love and adoration washed over me, immediately dropping my level on anxiety; his touch was so soothing to me. Pulling me with him, we sat on the edge of the bed and then he leaned forward and lightly kissed me. It was exactly what I needed, and he knew it. He always did.

"Who was it, Jasper? What happened?" He was holding my hands, squeezing them gently to reassure me.

"I want to tell you everything, you deserve to hear it all. The problem is it's just about four in the morning and this talk will take a few hours. We both have to be up and at 'em soon."

He swallowed hard and nodded his head. "You're right, I didn't realize what time it was. I need to get going. I'll tell you about the last time I snuck in later." He smiled and pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly.

"I love you, Jasper. I will try my hardest to be patient with you, just understand that I may get frustrated, okay?" He pulled back and kissed me one more time before he stood up to leave.

I got up and followed him into the living room.

"When can we finish this?" he asked me, waiting by the door for an answer.

"When can you come back to talk...and that is all, Edward. We need to talk, not make out like horny teenagers."

He smirked at me and winked, "I _am_ a horny teenager." We both started laughing, it was a fantastic feeling.

"When, Edward?" _Was I really inviting him back to the house? Yep, I was, not smart. Oh well. _

"Can I come back today after dinner? I can tell my parents I am studying at Emmett's," he looked so hopeful, it was so fucking cute.

_Did I just say cute? What a loser...but a loser in love, that's the best kind.... _

"That's fine, Edward. Can you be inconspicuous about it? Go into the backyard again and I will leave the back door unlocked for you?" I really fucking hoped I wasn't about to screw up royally.

"Yes," he grinned, kissed me and ran out the door. I watched him jog away until he disappeared into the darkness.

I walked back into my room and crawled under the covers, snuggling down deep. Looking over at my alarm clock to make sure it was set to go off, I then closed my eyes and fell right to sleep. My eyes had just closed when the blasting of the alarm woke me up.

Groaning, I stretched and got out of bed. Hopping into the shower, I put it on cold to help wake me up then got dressed and was out the door. Today was the first day that I was truly excited to see Edward. I hoped to get a glimpse of his face just once before he came to my class. Seeing him would be just what I needed to counteract the vile revulsion I felt at thinking about Irina Denali.

_I really fucking hope she leaves me alone. I can't handle her disgusting come-on's today._

_  
_I stopped at a gas station, bought a large coffee and headed to the school. When I pulled into the parking lot, I looked around for him, but he was nowhere to be found. There were students loitering everywhere, waiting until the last minute to get to class.

Walking in, I grabbed my mail as I passed my box and headed to class. It was definitely an easy day as far as teaching went. The students paid attention, participated and hammered out their outlines on the group project that was assigned. While they were doing that, I got more papers graded and entered the marks. Before I knew it, morning classes were done and it was time for lunch.

I was so fucking tired from the last few days that I opted to lock the door in my classroom and take a short nap before the afternoon classes started. Leaning back in my chair, I set my phone alarm and closed my eyes as thoughts of Edward lulled me to sleep.

The afternoon classes were going just as easy and for that I was extremely grateful. I needed it after the past few days. I was so ready to see my beautiful boy, and I was so glad that it was almost time.

The bell rang and the classroom emptied fairly quickly. My heart was racing, knowing he would be here any minute. Sitting at my desk, I prepared the lesson for class and heard the door open. I was crossing my fingers that it was Edward, but it was just fucking Jacob.

"Yo, Mr. Whitlock, how's it going?" he asked with a huge fucking smile on his face. That kid was always smiling.

"Great, Jacob, I hope you are ready to focus and not chit chat today." Even though he had never really done anything wrong, I hated the fact that he was friends with Edward. It drove me insane to see them banter about. The worst part for me was that they were paired together for the project and I knew it meant hours together, alone.

_Fuck!_

"Yes, sir," he said. "I already talked to my boy, neither one of us wants to be in trouble so we will keep our lips zipped today." He winked at me and sat down.

_He is not your boy, you fucking jackass. He is MINE! He was in my bed last night, you little shit, not yours! _

I wanted to punch him in the god damn face, but I couldn't. He had no clue about Edward and me and it most certainly needed to stay that way. More students were walking in the door and then I _felt_it. He was here. My body _always_ knew when he was near me. He made me feel whole.

Turning my head slightly, I watched him walk in and go sit over next to Jacob.

_Have I mentioned that I can't stand that kid? _

They laughed, talked and carried on, and even though it was with Jacob, I was truly thankful to see him so relaxed and happy. It was a nice change.

When the bell rang for class to start, his eyes flew up to the front and locked with mine. He gave me that adorable crooked smile that made my heart beat erratically. I gave him a slight grin, a quick nod of the head and started class.

Class went fairly well, the only part that was hard for me was when Edward and Jacob paired off to work on the project outline. I really needed to learn to get over that one or it as going to be a _long_ semester. When the bell rang, signaling the end of class, I was so relieved. This day had gone without incident for once. Irina left me alone, Emmett wasn't holding Edward up in the air, my students paid attention in class and it was great. Everyone headed out the door and I looked up when I saw Edward out of the corner of my eye. He was the last one out of the room and mouthed, "See you later," before heading out.

I grinned and gathered my things together to head out the door as well. I was so ready for the weekend.

"Hello, Mr. Whitlock." My heart fell to my feet as Irina's voice infiltrated my happy bubble.

I let out a loud sigh, "What do you want now? Or are you here to tell me you changed your mind?"

She sauntered over to me, twirling the end of her hair. "I wouldn't be so discourteous if I were you, Mr. Whitlock. I think that I was more than generous when I decided not to distribute the photo of you and Mr. Cullen, wouldn't you say so?"

The woman was un-fucking-real.

"Irina, say what you need to say, please. I need to get out of here, I have other business to attend to."

She eyed me skeptically, "Really, well don't let me keep you waiting. Now, how are we going to let everyone know we are dating?"

I scoffed at her, "We aren't going to be dating, at all!"

"You and I know that, Mr. Whitlock, but to everyone else this will look like the real deal. Now, when are you taking me out? Tonight? Tomorrow?"

_I felt like I was about to puke, she was such a vile whore. _

"Irina," I grumbled. "We will discuss this later, at a scheduled time. You can't just walk in here, demand things of me and expect me to jump to it. Things don't work that way."

I was so irritated, she was ruining my day and I despised her for it.

"Let me ask you something, Irina. How do you sleep at night knowing that you have manipulated and blackmailed people? What is _wrong_ with you?" I seethed.

Her eyes flashed in anger, "Listen here, Whitlock, I don't have to explain anything to you. I am the one holding the cards here, you'd do well to remember that."

She stormed out the door after that parting line. I fucking hated the woman.

Sitting down in my chair, I put my hands in my hair and leaned back. This was so bad, I hadn't really had time to think about it, but she was evil. After a few minutes of reining in my anger, I finally got up and left the building.

When I got to the house, I went in, unlocked the back door and started dinner. Knowing that Edward would probably be a few hours, seeing at how it was only 4:30 PM, I decided it was a good night for lasagna. That would take awhile to put together and cook. I needed _something_to keep me busy until he got here. By the time 7:00 PM rolled around, I had cooked, eaten, cleaned and changed into more comfortable clothes.

Popping a DVD in the player, I relaxed into the couch and waited for him. I don't know how much time had passed before I felt feather-light kisses on my brow. Stretching, I smiled and slowly opened up my eyes. There he was, my beautiful boy, looking down at me and smiling.

"When did you get here," I asked in a lazy, tired voice.

He sat on the coffee table in front of me, "About ten minutes ago, but I was watching you sleep. Did you know you snore?" He was grinning at me as I reached out and ran my knuckles lightly down his jaw.

"Do not," I grumbled.

"Do too," he whispered, then turned and kissed my hand on his face.

"Let me make some coffee, okay? Then we can sit and talk." Standing up, I headed into the kitchen. I heard his footsteps behind me and was silently thrilled that he wanted to be near me too.

I stood at the coffee pot, putting in the coffee and pouring the water in from the pitcher I kept next to it. The heat of his body engulfed me before he ever touched me. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he hugged me tight. I leaned back into him, savoring the sensation.

"I missed you," he murmured into my neck.

"I couldn't wait to see you, Edward. I missed you too." It felt so good to be able to say those things to him. I was slowly but surely becoming more and more comfortable with having a relationship with him. It was so freeing to be able to say something as small as I miss you.

I finished up the coffee with him attached to me, it was so fucking adorable. I really loved this boy more than I ever thought possible. He was my saving grace.

Turning around in his arms, I leaned forward and kissed him softly. He sighed into my mouth and I teased him gently with my tongue. He pulled my face to him and plunged his tongue into my mouth, quickly sending my blood boiling. He moaned softly, and I held his hips away from me, trying not to lose control with him. We needed this talk, but right now, I needed him more.

I lifted him up and set him on the counter in front of me. He immediately wrapped his legs around me and we kissed hungrily, desperate for any contact we could get. I was garnering courage and strength from him with every stroke of my tongue. I finally pushed his legs down from around my waist and began to slow down the movement of our mouths. Pulling back, I gently pecked his lips twice before stepping back.

His eyes were dazed, hair a mess and lips shiny and red. In other words, a disheveled mess, but he was my mess.

"We need to talk, not make out, remember?" I chided.

He had the good grace to look sheepish for a second, then he lowered his lids and rasped, "I'm not sorry, I liked it."

Shaking my head and smiling, I walked over to the cabinet and got down two mugs.

"What do you put in your coffee? Anything?" It was the little details that were missing from this relationship, and those needed to be filled in.

"Nothing, just black is fine."

_I knew I fucking loved that boy, he didn't sissify his java. _

I poured both cups and handed one to him. "Alright, let's get this started," I called back as I walked into the living room. Settling down on one side of the couch, I motioned for him to sit on the other.

When we were both comfortable, I took one last drink, set down my mug and started talking.

"Here's the deal, Edward. When it comes to any kind of relationships, I have been let down over and over again. I have been lied to, used, disowned and thrown away. I have learned that the only person you can count on is yourself. Fortunately for me, I also have my sister and her family."

He looked at me, not saying anything, sensing that I needed to get this out without interruption.

"I guess it would help for me to start at the beginning, huh?" This was going to be so fucking hard to relive, but for him, I would do it.

"When I was a few years older than you are now, I finally decided to tell my parents that I was gay. It took me so long to garner the courage to do it, I really wasn't sure how they would react. I figured they would be shocked, probably disappointed, but never in my wildest imagination did I ever think they would do what they did."

Thinking back to the awful conversation brought tears straight to my eyes, this was going to kill me.

"I loved my parents, so much it hurts. We were very close growing up, I had a great relationship with my mom. I guess you could say I was a momma's boy. I adored everything about her and she never once made me feel like I was anything but her reason to exist. We cooked together, read together, snuggled together, she helped me with my homework, she was my everything. She always knew when I needed a hug, a kiss, hot tea or just to sit in silence. She _knew_ me. I was her little boy and she adored me, I always felt it."

The tears were now running freely down my face, the floodgates of repressed heartache were now wide open and I was hurting, badly.

"My daddy," I stopped and grabbed a tissue. "He was everything I wanted to be when I grew up, a loving family man with good values who people looked up to and respected. He was all that, but more, he was my hero. He made me stick out my chest just a little more anytime someone said the last name _Whitlock_, because I was so proud to be his son. He, like mama, never made me feel anything but loved. My sister and I were adored by our parents."

Lifting up my eyes to look at Edward, I could see my pain mirrored in his own. His hands were clenched in his lap and he was gnawing on that damn lip again. I could sense how badly he wanted to reach out to me and I was thankful that he didn't or I would break down and not get through this.

"When I sat down and finally told them that I was gay, it was the worst night of my life. My daddy stood up in front of me, telling me that I had no place in his home. That.._.faggots_...had no place in his home."

I had to stop and catch my breath before the weight of the pain crushed me.

"He stood there, looking down at me and told me that I was no longer welcome in their home. That I was no longer his son."

My words were coming out broken and ragged now, I couldn't stop the heaving cries from taking over. I buried my face in my knees as I remembered Daddy saying those words, the cold expression on his face was like nothing I'd ever seen. The couch shifted as Edward got up from the other side, then I felt him nudge me. I looked up as he took a tissue and wiped my face. He squeezed himself behind me , I scooted up so he would fit. His back was to the armrest and he pulled me so that I was seated in front of him and he wrapped his arms around me. Laying my head back into his chest, I folded my hands over his.

"I am so sorry," he whispered lovingly as he kissed my temple. I leaned into the kiss and closed my eyes.

"He told me that I was going to hell, that I was a sinner of the worst kind. I have always and still am a firm believer in God and I couldn't believe he would tell me that our all-forgiving God would consider homosexuality a bigger sin that adultery or murder. I was never under the impression that I was going to die for what I am and burn in hell for it, but that's what he made me believe."

Edward's arms tightened around me and his hands were squeezing mine, hard.

"Please tell me you don't believe that," he pleaded.

"I don't now, but it took me some time to get to where I am, Edward. It hasn't been an easy road for me."

"And your mom?"

That part of the story was even harder to tell.

"She just sat there. The entire time Daddy was yelling, telling me that I had no place in their lives, that they couldn't stand by me anymore. She just sat there. She didn't say a god damn word."

I was crying and trying to stay calm, but it was so hard.

"She didn't fight for me, not once," I whimpered.

_She broke my fucking heart._

"I remember falling to my knees in front of her, begging for her not to let this happen, begging her to stop him, screaming that I loved her and needed her. She just told me she loved me but that I needed to go. She just kissed my head and left the room. My heart was truly hollow by that point, my reality now a nightmare. The two people who were supposed to love me unconditionally turned their backs on me and I was devastated. I walked out of the house and haven't seen them since."

I leaned my head back against his shoulder and just let him comfort me. He was whispering healing words of comfort in my hair and I basked in his love for me, letting it swallow up all the agony that was swirling around me at the memory of my parents' betrayal.

"They haven't ever tried to contact me, not once," I rasped. "It's like I never existed to them, they swept the fag under the rug and were done with him."

"What about your sister? Where does she fit into all this?" Edward asked, curious and cautious all at once.

"She is the only family I have left. After everything went down with my parents, she told them if they didn't accept me, she didn't want to be a part of the family either. She took my side, gave it all up, for me. I owe her everything and if she knew what I was doing with you, she would be so disappointed with me. I hate lying to her, but you mean too damn much to me to let go."

His arms tightened around me and he sighed, "I love you," into my ear. It made me melt inside, to feel so loved by another. He was sent from above to make me happy and whole and I would never take that for granted again.

"Her name is Kate and her husband is Garrett. I have two beautiful nieces, Amanda and Haley. They are everything I have in this world, all I have ever needed until you came along. You have changed all that, Edward. You have changed _me_."

"I promised myself I would never forget what she did for me, that I would remember everyday all that she gave up. She loves them as much as I do and she disowned them because she was my older sister, my protector. She always felt that way; she looked out for me in every situation. When I told her I was gay, she never made me feel like I was any less of a man."

Thinking about Kate made me feel so guilty. She would question her choice if she saw Edward holding me on the couch, but I hoped and prayed when it all came out that she would accept the fact that I love him with all my heart. That was not going to be an easy conversation.

"Hey, where'd you go?" he murmured.

"Just thinking, about Kate. I wouldn't survive losing her, too." I sighed.

"You won't Jasper," he said emphatically. "If she loves you and chose to stand by you, you won't lose her. She might be shocked, but I can't imagine she wouldn't want you to be happy. And you are, right? Happy with me?" He was still so insecure in my love, it made me cringe that I couldn't give him what he wanted.

_He needs to hear the words, Jasper. Of course he's fucking insecure. _

"Yes, Edward, I am happy with you. We wouldn't be sitting here if I wasn't. I need you just as badly as you think you need me. I can't be away from you, it hurts too much."

He put his mouth against my neck and I could feel him smile against it.

"Does that answer your question?" I asked wryly.

"Yes, love," he mumbled.

_Such a fucking beautiful soul my boy has, so pure and innocent, so loving. _

"Good!" I needed him to know I loved him too, needed him to feel it.

"So, your sister, does she know you are seeing anyone? Or does she still think you're single?"

_FUCK! What do I say here? When all else fails, tell as much of the truth as you can._

"Well, she definitely doesn't think I am seeing anyone right now. She knows how bad I was hurt in my previous relationship and doesn't push me to date. It wasn't that long ago. He is what drove me to move here if truth be told. I needed to get away and start over."

I felt him tense behind me and suck in a sharp breath. I slowly began to rub my hands over his, trying to relax him.

"Tell me, Jasper," he whispered. "Tell me about him, what did he do that was so bad?"

I scoffed, "What didn't he do would be the better question."

Bracing myself for another round of hurt, I took a deep breath and continued on.

"We were together for three years. I think he may have been faithful for three months of it."

The feelings of unworthiness, of not being enough washed over me and held me in place. This was just as hard as talking about my parents, because it truly showed how weak I was, how pathetically oblivious I could be when I was in love. Not that I ever thought Edward would use it to keep me prisoner like Felix did, but I was still scared as hell to let him into this part of me, for him to know how vulnerable I could be.

_He deserves the truth, give it to him...I know....I know..._

"It was your classic case of a cheating spouse and I was the idiot that kept going back to him. I knew he was cheating on me. There were so many signs that I chose to ignore. I would find receipts, condoms that weren't the brand I bought, marks on his body I knew I didn't leave. He would "work late", had meetings in the city that required an overnight stay so he wouldn't have to get up so early, never let me see his email. It was all in front of my face, I just chose to ignore it."

Just thinking about Felix made me sick to my stomach. I still can't believe I was _that_ person, the one who laid down on the ground like a doormat and allowed him to wipe his shoes on me over and over again.

"I loved him so much and just knew that he loved me too. I had every excuse in the book down pat as to why he was gone so much. When our friends told me they saw him with other men, I played it off like nothing."

I reached for another tissue to wipe my eyes. I hated wasting tears over Felix. I hoped this was the last time.

"After we had been together for about a year, I finally asked him if he was fucking around and me and he had no problem admitting the truth. He actually laughed at me and told me he couldn't believe I was so stupid for so long. When I started to get upset, he told me that he loved me, that the others meant nothing to him. I allowed myself to believe him, that he loved me, that it was just sex. I still to this day do not know why I thought it was okay as long as he came home to me."

Edward repeatedly kissed the side of my face and raked his fingers through my hair while I tried to get through this gut-wrenching part of my past.

"The thing I didn't realize, that I now know, was that with every time he cheated, a little piece of my heart locked down and shut emotion out. I slowly began to lose feeling in my soul; I became a hollow shell of a person, walking around and sensing nothing. I had no love in me left, he took it all and threw it away. Eventually I became a zombie that was incapable of feeling anything and that made it easier to stay with him."

_Please let Edward be able to handle the rest._

"When we fucked, there was nothing there. I was a robot, letting him use my body as a vessel to get off. I would sit there, staring into space while he got me hard, and then I did what I had to do to make him cum so I could be done with it. In our last few months together, he would ride me or let me fuck him, but I never got off and he never even noticed. I had given up and I didn't care anymore. I stopped eating right and lost nearly 30 lbs. I looked emaciated. He never once inquired as to what was wrong, he didn't care about me and the thought made me want to die. I was so close to just putting myself out of my misery until something woke me up, literally slapped me in the face."

I could hear Edward quietly sniffling behind me, trying to hold his emotions in. I reached out for the Kleenex box and handed it to him, he pulled a few out.

"Thanks," he whispered.

"I'm sorry to make you listen to all this, Edward, but I need you to understand why all of this is so hard. Why telling you how I really feel is so hard for me."

"I know, I'm just sorry it had to happen to you. It makes me so sad for you, to lose your parents and then go through this? How much can you take and still be okay?" His concern was evident and I loved him to the moon and back for loving me so damn much.

"That's just it, Edward. I'm not okay, I am trying really hard to be what you need too."

He put his hand over my mouth, "Jasper, stop. What you are? It's what I need. Broken, battered, I don't care. I will take it. I only hope my love is enough to help you heal, that's what I want here. I want to be the one to heal the wounds, the scars, the hurt. I want to do that for you, if you would only let me."

Pulling his hand away, I kissed it and put it back in my lap. "I'm trying to let you, Edward. That's what this is all about. Until you know everything, we can't move forward. It's important."

He huffed, "I know, I just hate hearing about it. It hurts me too, you know? Now, what pulled you from the edge?" I felt him shudder against my back, I assumed it bothered him just as much to know how close I came to giving up on life.

"I wasn't feeling good, so I left work early. I tried calling Felix, but of course, he didn't answer. I went to get some soup and headed home. When I got to the apartment, I heard noises coming from inside. I looked at the door and tried it, it was locked, so I assumed he had come home early and was playing games or something. Nothing in the world could have ever prepared me for what I walked in on."

Closing my eyes, I let the images play back in vivid color, his infidelity on perfect display.

"When I opened the door, I heard moans and grunts that weren't just his. I was so afraid to look, but I couldn't stop myself. I walked towards our room in a daze and there he was, naked and bent over. He was getting fucked from behind by one man while he was fucking another. It was so disgusting, but I couldn't make myself stop watching. When he heard my gasp, he turned and looked at me, then the fucker smiled. He fucking smiled at me and kept fucking them. It was the wake up call I needed to get out of there."

In my mind I still saw him, smiling at me and asking me if I wanted in, I felt like vomiting.

"I packed my stuff and moved out the next day. I went to Texas to stay with my sister for a few months until I found this job in Forks and I decided to move here."

Pulling his arms around me tightly, I sighed, "I will be thankful every second of every hour that I did, because it brought me to you, Edward. I was supposed to come here, to find you."

I couldn't take it anymore, I had to look at him. I pulled away and turned around on the couch. His face was red and splotchy from crying, his eyes red and swollen and that poor lip was marred by his teeth. He never looked more fucking beautiful to me and I loved him so damn much that I felt like I was going to explode. I launched myself at him and held him tight.

He hugged me back and we just sat there, rocking slowly back and forth, letting all the words I had spoken sink in. It was such a relief to get it off my chest, for him to actually know the deepest parts of my soul.

Glancing over at the clock, I saw it was now after 11:00 PM, that was a _long_ talk.

"Edward, you need to get home, it's getting late." I pulled back reluctantly and gazed into his eyes.

He looked down at his lap and started to chew on that damn lip all over again.

_After all that, why the fuck was he so nervous._

I reached out and pulled his chin up, but he still refused to look at me, gazing to the side instead.

"What's wrong, Edward? Why won't you look at me?" I was perplexed as to why he was fidgeting so much.

He finally looked at me, putting his fists to his mouth and hunching his shoulders forward. When he spoke, it was mumbled, unintelligible nonsense.

"Edward," I grunted. "I don't understand when you talk into your hands. What the hell is wrong?" I was emotionally exhausted and was not in the mood for games.

He slowly brought his hands down and spoke. "I...uh...I told my parents I was...uhhhh...sleeping at Emmett's." Then, he had the good grace to wince.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Why would you tell them that, Edward? Do you plan on sleeping there tonight?"

"No?" he uttered, then looked away.

_Was he fucking insane? Did he want us to get caught? Fuck! What was I supposed to do...you know what to do...I know, but to hold him one more night....NO!!!_

My mind was going a million miles per second and I was about to lose control. I couldn't believe he did that.

"You can't sleep here, Edward. You need to go home or go to Emmett's. It's what is best, and you know it."

He sighed, "I figured you would say that, I just really wanted to be able to sleep with you, that's all."

"I want that too, believe me, but right now we have to be careful. If we get caught, I'm going to jail and you're going to be a Lifetime movie." He chuckled slightly, but I was being serious.

"It's fine, I understand. Emmett knows I may show up anyways, so no big deal."

He stood up and pulled me up with him. He looked at me, saying nothing, letting his eyes wander over my face and stopping at my mouth. His eyes flew up and met mine and he hugged me tight.

"Thank you," he spoke quietly into my ear, "for telling me, for trusting me. It means so much, you have no idea."

"It meant a lot to me that you listened to me and didn't judge me, Edward. That you still want to be with me after all of it, so it's you that has no idea how much it means. No idea at all, and I am so grateful for you."

He kissed my neck gently, then murmured, "I have one more question, Jasper. Will you answer it?"

_Oh God...please don't let him ask me if I love him...I just can't handle that right now. _

"What is it, Edward?" I asked apprehensively.

He stepped back from our embrace, then reached for the hem of my shirt.

"Trust me," he mouthed, as he lifted it over my arms and all the way off.

_What is he doing?_

He turned me so that my back was to him, and I felt his warm, wet mouth start kissing across my shoulders.

"Edward, what..." I couldn't finish, his tongue started trailing down my spine.

_Fuck...feels so...unghhhh. _

He licked all the way to the base of my spine and then dragged his tongue all the way back up. My cock was so hard and just aching to be touched.

When he reached the top again, he groaned in my ear, "You taste so fucking good, like honey on my tongue, Jasper. It's the best taste in the world." He peppered kisses across my back and I savored the sensation.

"Will you tell me? Why you got the tattoo? What it means?" he whispered into my skin.

I froze, unable to move from the spot I was standing in.

_There was no way...why did he want to know? Not even Kate knew why...what had been the final straw that nearly made me take my own life._

"What?" I rasped.

It was the only thing I had left, the one thing I hadn't told him; he would be the only one besides Felix to know what happened. If I let him know, there would be nothing left for me to hide behind, nothing left for me to hold inside. He would know it, _all._

_Is that really what you want? _

The last piece of the wall around my heart crumbled and fell away, exposing me to him fully. I had never felt more vulnerable in my entire life.

"Okay, Edward," I sighed. "I'll tell you."

* * *

**A/N2: Okay peeps, that was not only the longest chapter I ever wrote, but the most emotionally draining...so please...leave me some love...even just a hug...**

**Reviews get a tease of the next chapter...**

**Also, there will be a two week interim before I post again...there are two other things I need to write and this was super long to satisfy you :-) **

**You guys really are the best readers...thanks...**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews...they make my heart a happy place.**

**Thank you so much to: OntheTurningAway for all your help fixing my boo boo's and support you give me, you are the best! Hands down! I 3 you sfm.**

**Thank you so very much to SMeadows for making my banner and my blinkie :-) Links to both on my profile. I heart you Missie.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a bad ass Venti sized Starbucks Clear cup with a permanent straw**

* * *

Chapter 13

EPOV

The electricity was humming all around us and my mind was still in shock from everything he had told me. I didn't know how much more I could handle, but there was one more thing I had been dying to know since the first time I had seen him without his shirt on. The beautiful tattoo that lined either side of his spine in thick, black Latin words had haunted me ever since I had first asked him what it said.

_My brother's keeper._

What did it mean? I needed to know and I was tired of waiting. He had shared so much with me tonight, showed me a side of him I never knew existed, but I had to ask this one last thing.

I slowly turned him so the gorgeous planes of his smooth, toned back were facing me and gently began to kiss my way across his shoulders. After I had journeyed from one side to the other, I nipped gently back to the top of his spine.

"Edward, what...," he gasped as I dragged my tongue in slow, long strokes down towards his hips. My mouth lovingly followed the ink that marked his skin. He was so warm, so delicious and all mine. When I got to his waistband, I gently bit into him and then made my way back up to the top. His hips pushed back into mine and I felt the heat coming off of him. He wanted me as bad as I did him.

I pulled him into my body and wrapped my arms around him. He fit there so perfectly.

"You taste so fucking good, like honey on my tongue, Jasper. It's the best taste in the world," I groaned into his ear. His moans were nearly inaudible as he struggled to maintain control. This stunning man in front of me always had to be in control and I desperately wanted him to give some over to me.

I peppered kisses across his back once more and whispered into his dewy skin, " Will you tell me? Why you got the tattoo? What it means?"

He instantly stilled beneath my fingers, his breath catching is his throat.

_Fuck, Edward. You went too far this time, you pushed too hard._

"What?" he muttered despondently.

He didn't move a muscle or say a word. His chest was still as if he had forgotten to breathe. The limbs of his body didn't move an inch, he was like a statue. For a moment, I was terrified at his reaction to my question. The silence in the room was deafening. I was frozen in place, petrified to move at all for fear that even my breathing might startle him. I had a strange feeling that this was about to be a make or break moment for us and it paralyzed me.

_Please don't let him hate me for this, I need him so fucking much._

My prayers were answered when I heard him sigh my name.

"Okay, Edward, I'll tell you," he rasped as his shoulders slumped forward. In one quick moment, my strong, dominating man became a person I didn't recognize and I was fearful that I wouldn't be able to handle what came next.

He moved away from me and walked over towards the wall. He kept his back to me and made no move to invite me anywhere near him.

"Please," he whispered. "Stay back there while I talk. If you decide to leave and never speak to me again after this, I will understand."

My heart shattered into millions of fragments at his words.

_Did he not believe that strongly in my love for him? In our love for each other?_

"I love..." he put a hand out to silence me.

"Just don't right now, please. Just let me do this or I fear I may never be able to." His hands were now clenched in tight fists at his sides. My desperate need to comfort him was eating me apart from the inside. Part of being the mature, grown up person I knew he needed me to be, meant honoring his wishes and staying away right then. It was pure torture. My impulses were screaming _run to him._

"Okay," I uttered quietly. Folding myself into the chair next to me, I waited for him to start. My arms were wrapped tightly around my body, and I closed my eyes so I could imagine it was him I was holding. Comforting him in my mind was better than not at all. He put his hands against the wall, hung his head and took a deep breath.

"It is and will forever be a mark of shame for me, Edward; my daily reminder that someone is dead because of me. It was all my fault, I knew what was happening and I did nothing to stop it."

I couldn't stop the gasp that flew from my mouth and my hand came up to cover it. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut.

_What the fuck happened? What did he do?_

Thoughts were flying through my head quickly as different scenarios played out in my mind. He kept his head down, not saying anything, letting the words sink in. I felt the need to run, to bolt as I was prone to do when there were things I was unwilling to handle, but for him, I would stay put. He placed his trust in me and I wanted to be there for him when he needed me.

I heard him sniff and watched him wrap his arms around himself, but he had yet to turn around and look at me.

"When I was with Felix, after I found out he was cheating, I was approached by a boy. His name was Paul and he didn't look any older than sixteen or seventeen. I would later come to find out he had just turned eighteen. He told me that he was with Felix now, that Felix didn't love me, that Felix loved him."

The strain in Jasper's voice was pulling at each and every emotion I had where he was concerned. My hands were aching to hold him and tell him it would all be okay, that I loved him no matter what. My gestures were not welcome right now, that I knew for sure, so I clutched the pillow to myself and listened.

"I laughed in his face, Edward. Flat out laughed and told him how ridiculous and stupid he was. I told him there was no way that Felix loved him, because Felix didn't love anyone but himself. He kept taunting me, telling me about all the things they had done, the places they had been..."

His voice was broken and full of emotion, he was trying unsuccessfully to choke back sobs so he could continue. It killed me to see him this way and I couldn't stop the tears from running freely down my cheeks.

"Paul told me that they...laughed at me, at how idiotic I was...to stay where I wasn't wanted. They laughed...at my 'obsession' with Felix, he even said they laughed at how pathetic I was because...I told him I loved him...when we made love together. It was too much, I was...near my breaking point and I couldn't...handle it."

By this point, Jasper was curled in a ball on the floor and having trouble finishing his sentences. His back was now to the wall, but I still couldn't see his face, as it was buried in his arms. He sat there for a few minutes, rocking back and forth, trying to calm himself down as the sobs wracked his body. Watching him fall apart was having the same effect on me. How did he think I could watch him and not comfort him when I loved him so much? The invisible ties holding me to the chair slowly started to fray, it wouldn't take much more suffering on either on of our parts to snap them. When they did, I would wrap myself around him and never let go. My teeth clamped down on my lip and I was biting it so hard that I tasted the blood as it began to drip into my mouth. Knowing he would be upset that I was doing that, I released it and tried to stop the bleeding.

Hearing how Paul had made fun of him and made him feel, made me hurt so badly for him. How could anyone say such things to the beautiful man that I loved and adored? I had no clue what it even felt like to be treated so cruelly. The longer I thought about how the words must have affected him, the angrier I got. The rage I felt at these two unknown faces was indescribable. They had created this broken man in front of me and I wanted to tear them limb from limb for doing so.

He was quiet, saying nothing for a full ten minutes. It took everything inside of me to force myself to remain still and in the chair. He would only push me away if I ran to him now, and that might hurt worse than not comforting him at all. My fingers itched to comb through his hair, to rub his back, to touch him in any way. The possibilities of what had happened next ran rampant through my mind. I knew there was no way Jasper was physically responsible for the boy's death, but something happened to make him feel like it was his fault. I could only assume that he was reliving the memories of the incident, I only hoped he was strong enough to handle the rest.

_Let's hope you can handle it too._

I heard Jasper take a deep breath, then he finally raised his head and met my eyes. His eyes were devoid of all emotion, he looked stoic, like he was there, but not really. He was looking at me, but almost right through me. It hurt not to be seen, especially by him. His tears had stopped and he finally spoke.

"When I couldn't take it anymore, I punched him," he told me, in a calm, dead voice. The life had been drained from him and there was someone else now sitting in the room with me, but it wasn't my Jasper. The person speaking was a robot.

_What in the world could be so bad that he had to check himself out emotionally?_

"I was bigger than him, older than him, knew better and I hit him over and over again until someone pulled me off. He never pressed charges, but he didn't stop taunting me. By that time I was to the point where I was letting Felix suck the life out of me, so I was beyond caring."

Scared to say anything, I bit down hard on my hand to keep silent. The rage I felt once again at how Felix treated him was simmering under the surface and ready to explode like a volcano. The image of Jasper, walking around like a skeleton, nearly dead from not caring, was an image I couldn't shake. I hoped to God I never came face to face with that fucking asshole, he might be the one who was sorry.

"Paul started showing up at the house and Felix would tell him to leave, make fun of him for trying to make him leave me. I would hear Paul from our bedroom, telling Felix that he loved him, that they belonged together, and Felix would just laugh at the poor boy. I should have gone out there, I should have stopped Felix from walking all over the kid, but I didn't. I knew how it felt to get fucked over by Felix, my wasted-away, dying body was proof that Felix and his games were poison, especially when you were in love with him."

Jasper stood up and walked over to the wall. He stood there for a minute before a loud scream tore from his mouth and he slammed his fist through the plaster. Before I knew what I was doing, I jumped up out of the chair and ran towards him.

"Stay the fuck away from me, Edward!" he yelled. "I am no fucking good for you...everything I touch dies or leaves." He was seething and his whole body was heaving. His hand was bloodied and I wanted to clean it up and take care of him, but his words caused me to freeze in place.

"It only gets worse, so go...right the fuck now! You can still get away from me and have a full and happy life. I will only cause you pain and sorrow, your innocence will be lost if you stay with me. I'm not worth it, I don't deserve you, don't you see? You were sent here to tease me, to taunt me, to let me taste how wonderful it can be...but I can't have you. I'll never be good enough." He dropped to his knees and buried his face in his hands.

My thoat was clogged with emotion and my mind was in shock at his words. How he could think so little of himself, think he didn't deserve to be loved? I loved him so much and it killed me that he was so ready to push it and me away. My heart was breaking, for both of us. I felt the wet splashes of my tears hit my arms that were stretched out in front of me, reaching for him. I was not going to let him give me up that easily; he deserved my love, he deserved so much more for all that he was put through. I was desperate for him to understand how bad I needed him.

"Jasper," I rasped, my voice raw with emotion. "I can't stay away from you, please don't make me, I wouldn't survive."

He was instantly on his feet and coming towards me. He pulled me into his body and wrapped his arms around me so tightly that I could barely breathe.

"Don't say that...don't fucking say that to me, Edward." He was clawing at me desperately, trying to touch me everywhere.

"Please don't say that, if anything happened to you because of me, I _would_ die. You are the only good thing that has ever happened to me, please don't take yourself out of my world. Even if you aren't with me, knowing you exist, that your purity and innocence are out there, I will be okay." He whispered those words in my ear and I just let him hold me, terrified that he was ready to let me go.

"Please don't let me go. I'm not ready to be without you," I begged, a choked sob escaped my throat at the last word.

"Oh my beautiful boy," he groaned. My body melted into his when he called me that. "You might be ready to let go after I finish the rest."

I shook my head against his chest, letting him know that it wasn't possible. "I could never leave you, Jasper, it isn't possible."

"Promise me?" he muttered into my hair.

"What?"

"Promise that you won't ever take yourself purposely out of my world." He was pressing kiss after kiss onto the top of my head.

"I promise," I mumbled into his chest, pressing a light kiss over his heart. He released me and walked back over to the wall, the light was now back in his eyes.

He leaned back against the wall and tilted his head back, taking slow deep breaths to calm himself. My heart was still racing from him punching the wall, yelling at me and holding me as if his life depended on it. My emotions were all over the board right then, it was almost too much to keep to myself anymore.

"Are you sure you want to hear the rest?" he asked apprehensively.

"Yes, I'm sure," I whispered with certainty.

He let out a long breath, "Paul started cornering me on my way to work, begging me to leave Felix so he could be with him. He was desperate, telling me that he couldn't live without him, that they belonged together, that they were going to be together forever. I was the one in the way of their happiness."

I swallowed hard, not knowing what I would do if someone were trying to get me to leave Jasper. As much as he thought he loved Felix, Paul's words had to twist the knife deeper where the infidelity was concerned.

"I told him, repeatedly, to leave me alone, that he was crazy, that he wasn't the only one, that Felix was cheating on me with many people. He didn't believe me, he told me that I was lying to try to get him to leave. He was so unstable, Edward, and I knew it, but I did nothing to help him. I just rubbed it in his face that there was a long string of fucks where Felix was concerned and he was just another, that he meant nothing."

He reached up and swiped the tears off his cheek and I mirrored his action, taking care of my own.

"He told me if I didn't leave, that he was going to take me out of the picture by any means necessary. At that point I was so ready to die, that I didn't care. I told him to go ahead and try, that when it came down to it, Felix would never pick him over me. I was the one in the apartment, not him. I taunted him on purpose, transferring all of my hurt into making him as miserable as I was."

His tears were falling harder and he was pulling at his hair. "It was so wrong," he whispered.

I sat down on the chair again, rested my arms on my knees and pushed my fingers into my eye sockets. The rage I felt towards Felix was slowly taking over and I needed to quell it. How could I be there for Jasper if I wasn't okay myself.

"He came to the apartment." Jasper was struggling to get the words out now and I channeled all my strength into stay put, knowing he would tell me when he was ready for me.

"Felix answered the door and I was sitting in the living room. Paul walked in and started making demands, telling Felix to tell me to my face how in love they were, how they wanted to be together. My eyes kept going back and forth between the two. Felix told Paul he needed to leave, and Paul...he pulled out a gun."

My gasp rang out in the the room and I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"He screamed for Felix to tell me to get lost, or he was going to do something that we would all regret. I stood up, looked Paul in the eye and told him to leave before I called the police. He pointed the gun at me and released the safety. He told Felix to tell me that he didn't love me, that he wanted him instead."

Jasper's breaths were now coming in short quick bursts, he placed his hands on his thighs and bent at the waist, trying to slow down his breathing.

I, on the other hand, was panicking and wasn't even trying to stop myself.

_Jasper had a gun pointed at him? A fucking gun? _

My head was going back and forth in disbelief, this was too much, I couldn't take anything else. When I was about to speak up, Jasper started to talk again. I pushed the terror down my throat and sat perfectly still, my eyes wide, my body slowly starting to shake.

"Felix laughed at him," he rasped brokenly.

"Paul looked from me to Felix, the gun wavering in his hand, and asked why he was laughing. Felix told him it was because he was such a fucking idiot, to believe that they had more than a casual fuck. He called the poor kid crazy and told him to get the fuck out. Paul dropped his arm and looked at me. He was devastated, and Felix just continued to laugh."

Jasper took another deep breath, "He picked up his arm again and pointed the gun at himself. He told Felix to stop, to tell him that he loved him or he would pull the trigger. I was close enough to grab the gun from him, Edward, but I just stood there like a person watching a car wreck scene. Felix dared Paul to do it, told him he didn't have the guts, that he was just a stupid kid and that he needed to go. Paul's face fell and he started to cry and his eyes met mine. I knew right then what he was going to do, but I still did nothing."

I stopped breathing altogether and my nails had broken through the skin on my arms where they were digging in as I tried to hold it all together. It wasn't working, I was losing it, this was so much worse than I thought.

"The next thing I remembered was the ringing of the shot, Paul's body falling into me and being covered in blood." He was sobbing loudly, I was silent and in shock.

Standing up, I looked for a way out. I had to get away and quick. I was in over my head and I needed someone to talk to, someone who could help me understand.

_There is no one, Edward._

All of the emotions exploded through my pores and I was trying hard not cry out. My heart was broken for both Jasper and Paul. Jasper for all the guilt he was carrying and Paul for wrapping himself around someone so much that he felt there was no other option.

_No wonder he freaked out when I said I wouldn't survive without him._

My eyes zeroed in on the door. It was all too much. I needed to get the hell out of there and take some time to wrap my head around everything he had told me. I rose from my chair to run, but then I heard Jasper's choked sob from the corner of the room. My head swung around and my eyes landed on him. It was all I needed. When I saw him, the hurricane inside of me slowed down to a heavy storm and I couldn't run away. I couldn't leave him when he needed me, I would never be able to.

Looking over at him, seeing his agony laid bare before me, I knew now was the time when he needed me. Slowly making my way over to him, I held my hands out in front of me, so he could see me coming. He was lost in his own world right now and I didn't want to make it worse by scaring him. He was crying uncontrollably, saying over and over again 'I could have stopped him, he'd still be alive'. His head was against the wall and he was sideways to me. As I reached my hand out and put it on his back, he jumped, but turned and looked at me with grief-stricken, sapphire eyes.

I gently pulled him into my arms, surrounding him with my love for him, trying to absorb part of his ache so that he didn't hurt so much. I walked us backwards slowly, Jasper sobbing the entire time. When we reached his couch, I sat and pulled him down with me. Laying his head in my lap, he curled his legs up beside me and I ran my fingers through his sweaty, damp hair.

I just stared at my fingers as they made their way through his locks, over and over again. My own agitation was still churning, but right then, he needed me more. I whispered words of love and comfort repeatedly, trying to bring my Jasper back to me. It was my fault he was going through this, I had to push about the tattoo and he was in a state of despair.

Calming him was calming me as well, so we stayed that way for awhile, saying nothing, needing each other. As his breathing slowly started to even out, my fingers came to a stop, locked up in the golden tangles. He turned over until he was on his back and looked up at me, his eyes still laden with grief.

"I am so sorry, baby," I whispered as I lovingly stroked his cheeks. "I love you so much, Jasper. I'm not going anywhere."

He gave me a small smile, reached up and pulled my head down to his. I laid my lips carefully against his and he gave me a chaste kiss.

"Thank you, I don't deserve it, but thank you," he mumbled against my mouth.

Slowly raising my head, I laced our fingers together and held them over his heart.

"You're right, love, you don't deserve it. You deserve so much more, but you are stuck with me." When I spoke those words, his face lit up in a genuine smile, the first one I had seen in hours. He was breathtaking, flushed and swollen from crying, but truly shining with happiness.

"I got the tattoo to remind me every day that I failed him. He was my brother, Edward, just like all others on this earth. He wasn't as strong as me and as a true believer in God and His love, it is up to me to be there for others when they can't be there for themselves, in any way that I am able. My failure to help Paul made me strong, strong enough to finally leave Felix, strong enough to start over and I will never let it happen again. I will never fail any of my brothers if it is in my power to help them. I should have helped Paul, I should have grabbed the gun. I shouldn't have taunted him, but my failure taught me how to have a backbone to stand up and do the right thing. I wish I could have saved him, and I have told his mother that more than once, but I won't fail again. I learned to use my voice, to maintain control and I will never let anyone walk all over me again."

I was stunned. Now that I had all of the information, I was overwhelmed. There were so many things I wanted to say, but couldn't bring my mouth to utter a sound. I really needed to talk to someone, needed someone who could just listen and help me to understand it all better. This was all so hard, too much. I was only a seventeen year old boy and I had never had to deal with anything like this before.

This relationship was nothing like I ever imagined my first one would be. All of the things I had looked forward to, from our first date to our first kiss, hadn't happened the way they were supposed to. Our first kiss was passionate but illicit and our first date was not going to happen for a long time, if ever. The beginning of all this was so difficult, and I knew if we could make it through this, we could make it through anything.

I really needed to talk this all out, so I could work through how to handle it correctly and not feel like I was holding anything inside. Not wanting to agitate _him_ even more was highest on my list of priorities, and talking about how it truly made me feel would do just that. He was upset when I was upset and right now I wanted him to focus solely on healing his hurt. He had just relived a nightmare and I refused to weigh him down with my agony over the whole situation.

Jasper finally sat up gingerly and looked at me while different emotions flashed through his beautiful eyes. He reached out and laid a hand along my cheek and I nuzzled into it. Turning my head, I placed a soft, wet kiss in his palm.

"Thank you," he whispered with a slight smile. You have no idea how hard this has been for me, Edward, having to keep this inside all this time. The police were involved and I had to keep everything hidden from my loved ones, even Kate. Felix is the only person who was close to me who knows about what happened with Paul."

Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him close to me and placed a kiss in his damp locks.

"Thank you, Jasper, for trusting me enough to tell me. I understand so much more now."

Pulling him tighter into my embrace, I kissed his face repeatedly. I was kissing away all the pain, the guilt, the fear and the ghosts. He was so much more than he thought he was, deserved so much more than he allowed himself to have.

I pulled his mouth up to mine, and brought our lips together. His breath hitched for a moment before he released it and opened himself up to me. My tongue slid in easily and glided gently along his. He pushed his hands into my hair and pulled my face closer while he pushed me back into the couch.

"Edward," he groaned into my mouth as he climbed on top of me. He grabbed my hands and held them behind my head with one of his.

"I need you so bad right now," he rasped hungrily into my ear. "I need to forget, make me forget it all." His desperate cries ignited the inferno inside of me and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me.

"Don't think about it," I sighed as I pushed my hips up into his. "Think about me, of how much I need you."

"Think of how much I fucking love you," I moaned before sealing his mouth with my own and pouring all my feelings for him into that kiss.

His hot, wet tears were falling onto my face as he hovered above me, releasing the last fragments of anguish he held inside. I slowly pulled my hands from his grip that was holding them in place, his mouth stilled and he looked down at me.

"Keep them behind your head," he insisted while dragging his tongue across his lower lip.

_I want to taste that lip so badly, want his tongue to sweep across my body just as painstakingly slow._

"No," I murmured, raising up slightly to kiss under his chin. "Let me take care of you," I whispered as I tasted the salty skin of his neck while placing wet kisses there.

"Jasper, let this be about you, please," I begged. The need to help wipe away his ache was surging through my body and I needed to touch him, desperately.

_Please, let me touch you._

He was silent as he scooted backwards off of me and into the corner of the sofa. His bright, blue eyes were trained on me and he watched my every move like a hawk as I slowly made my way over to him. I stood up next to the couch and held a hand out to him, he placed his hand in mine and I pulled him up. Placing a chaste kiss against his satin lips, I turned towards his room and pulled him behind me. I would shower him with all the love and devotion he deserved.

He followed behind me, placing his trust in me, and I would never abuse that. This man filled me to the brim with so much love that sometimes I felt like I could topple over from the weight of it. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once. There was a huge smile on my face. I was so fucking lucky to get to experience such strong emotions at my age, blessed to find someone who felt just as strongly for me. Even if he couldn't say it, I knew he felt it.

The day he actually said the words to me would definitely go down as one of the happiest days in my life. There were so many wonderful experiences we had ahead of us and I was almost impatient to get to each and every one, but there was definitely a time and place for them all. My heart was pounding and dick was throbbing as I thought about when we would finally make love. We had never talked about it, but I knew one day that we would. It would be the final step we take to be truly connected at every level and I was anticipating it every moment of every day. I let out a low groan at the thought of him moving inside of me, of looking into his eyes as he finally made me his forever.

_Oh fuck...it will be so perfect._

We both stopped and stood next to the bed, facing each other. I picked up his hand and kissed the tip of each one of his fingers, before placing a wet kiss in the middle of his palm. I held his arm out and placed soft, gentle kisses along the pale, white underside, stopping to pay extra attention to the crook of his elbow. His eyes were closed and lips were slightly parted. I continued my path up to his shoulder and gently nipped him there.

I let that arm go and paid the same, adoring attention to the other, letting him know with each touch of my mouth how much he meant to me. How strong I thought he was, how much I loved him. When I got to the other shoulder, I placed my hands on his chest and began to lightly trace the muscles with my fingernails. Feeling him twitch underneath my touch made me less inhibited and I placed my mouth on his neck and delicately dragged my teeth down to his collar bone.

"Edward...Fuck...oh my...feels so good," he groaned as he leaned his head to the side, giving me more access.

I worshiped and adored his neck and chest with my mouth, paying extra attention to the dip at the base of his throat. Swirling my tongue inside, I savored the taste that was all Jasper's, such an exquisite flavor. I could feel his heart beating erratically underneath my fingers as his breathing sped up slightly.

Pulling back, I looked into his crystal blue eyes before kissing him and slowly sliding my tongue inside to caress his. We both moaned into each other's mouth and moved our mouths furiously against each other. We needed this, to consume each other and forget all the hurt that had led up to this moment. I held his face to mine by placing my hands on his cheeks, the feel of his stubble underneath my fingertips sending me into a bigger frenzy.

_So fucking sexy._

There was one more place I wanted to pay attention to and I slowed down our kisses, as much as it pained me to do so. Holding his face, I pulled back and held his gaze before I let go and walked around to his back. Placing my hands on his shoulders, he tensed as he prepared himself for what I was about to do.

My hands followed the lines of his muscles that stretched across his shoulder blades and met in the middle. My fingers slowly danced down the sides of his spine, tracing the letters that brought him such guilt, such shame. My mouth slowly followed the same path, as I whispered into his skin along the way.

"I love you," I murmured against his delectable skin at the top of his back.

"It wasn't your fault," I insisted as my mouth began to trail down the left side of his spine.

"You are everything," I groaned as my tongue traced the letters.

"You are my world," I whispered fervently as I gently bit into the dimple at the base of his spine.

"I love you forever," I sighed as I trailed my mouth up the other side, leaving a wet path behind it.

"My love, my life, my all," I moaned quietly into his ear as he leaned into me with an inaudible groan.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and he leaned back into me. We stayed that way for a long time, silent and healing, with a single ray of hope shining the way.

Standing there, holding him, made me feel so wonderful. I wanted to be there for him and for a moment I almost wasn't. Pushing past all of my own fears and apprehension allowed me to be what he needed tonight. My chest welled with a sense of pride that I _was _strong enough to be able to handle everything he had to say and stay put. It didn't make me feel any less manic when I thought about all that Felix had put him through or the whole other tangent that was Paul thrown into the mix. There was still the desperate need I had to talk to someone about Jasper, his past, what we were doing and our future, but I knew that this time together was more important. I held onto him a little tighter as he relaxed into my embrace.

After awhile, he turned himself in my arms so we were face to face. His face was so drawn and haggard, he just looked worn out. I pulled him closer to me and kissed him gently all over his face. His hair was a tangled mess from being sweaty and his eyes were swollen from all the emotions he had expelled through them.

"I am never leaving you, I will never treat you badly. I want to be yours, forever, if you will have me," I murmured quietly.

His eyes locked with mine before dropping to my lips. He leaned forward and kissed me.

"Thank you, Edward. You have no idea how much this night meant to me, what it did for me. Not even Kate knows about what happened with Paul. To be able to tell someone, to tell you, makes me feel so different. So free. I can't remember the last time I felt so unburdened."

He was looking at me in awe and there were other untold emotions running behind his eyes. I laced our fingers together and gripped his hands, hard. I drew strength from him just as much as he did from me.

"Thank you, for letting me be here for you. I can't imagine loving you anymore than I do at this moment, but I know the best is yet to come."

His face broke out in a genuine smile. "Yes it is, my beautiful boy. The best for us is yet to come. We just have to be careful and patient." He looked pointedly at me when he said the last bit and I smiled sheepishly.

"I know I have to be patient, but it's so hard and it just seems so far away. On the other hand, what's a few months in the span of forever, right?"

He smiled and gave me a quick kiss, "That's right, no time at all."

"You gonna be okay?" I asked, hoping he would want me to stay. "I need to get to Emmett's before it gets too late, unless..."

"Edward, no more temptations, no more taking too many risks, okay? Go to Emmett's, I'll be fine." He was lightly poking me in the chest.

"When can I see you?" My body was already aching at the loss of contact and I needed to know when we could see each other.

"I'll see you Monday, in class." His words left no room for arguing right now.

Letting out a sigh, I said, "Not good enough, but enough for now I guess."

"Edward, don't make this harder than it is, we will figure something out, I promise. Just please, don't make me plan out a time to see you, it doesn't sit well with me."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"I can't even call you," I told him, frowning at the thought. He reached his hand down into my pocket and pulled out my phone. He dialed a number and his phone lit up on the night stand. He punched something in and handed it back to me.

"There, now you have it," he told me with a sly grin on his face. I took my phone from his hand and put it back in my pocket.

"I need to go," I grabbed him by the belt loops and pulled him forward. "I love you," I sighed against his mouth.

He grabbed my arms and pinned them behind me. He attacked my mouth with his and ravaged the inside with his tongue. He walked us back until I was pressed into the wall, then buried his face into my neck, sucking and licking and making me more and more aroused.

"Jasper," I rasped. "Fuuuuck."

He bit down on my ear lobe, sending my hips slamming into his. He groaned and yanked on my hair, exposing more of my neck to him. He sucked his way down, but not hard enough to leave a mark. When he got to my shoulder, he sank his teeth in harder.

"Aghhhhh," I screamed. "Again!" He trailed his mouth down my chest and dragged his teeth until they sunk into the muscle over my heart. He bit hard, leaving his mark upon me. It was such a fucking turn on. I pulled my hands out and went to pull his face to mine once more.

He grabbed them and held them over my head, "Don't move."

My body was on fire, desperate to feel his against mine. He let go of my hands and I kept them in place. He leaned forward and kissed me again, his tongue dancing with mine over and over again until he cried out into my mouth.

"Edward...No!" He backed away and gave me a predatory look. "You need to go...please," he pleaded with me.

My body was fevered and buzzing, but I knew he was right, this was a bad idea.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You make me lose my head," he told me with a quick shake of his head.

I sat down on the bed and tried to catch my breath. He made me insane.

"Next time, let's not attack me when I have to leave, huh?" I looked up at him with a small grin on my face.

"Sorry?" His grin was so adorable, I couldn't be mad.

"I need to go, love. I can't be too late getting to Emmett's."

I stood up and made sure I had everything before I pecked him once and walked towards the back door.

"Love you," I called back to him.

"Bye, Edward." He was following behind me and opened the door so I could leave.

I smiled at him and as I went to leave, he squeezed my hand once and let it go.

"See you Monday, beautiful," he said, bringing a smile to my face.

"Bye, Jasper." I walked out the door and heard it close behind me. I walked out the gate, closing it behind me and jogged towards my car, wanting to get inside as quickly as possible.

Getting inside the car, away from the safety of Jasper's arms, the whole conversation blind-sided me again. It felt like I was getting sucked down all over again, feeling his anguish. The feelings needed to come out and be purged so I would be okay with it all.

I knew what I needed to do because it just wasn't working for me, anymore. There was no way I could hold everything Jasper had told me inside, no way I could keep it to myself. I needed to get it off my chest, needed to talk about it all and get an outsider's perspective. Thinking back to everything he had been through, everything he had lost, everything he had been witness to, was overwhelming. I needed to be strong for him, to prove to him that I could handle it all, but inside, my emotions were still brewing up an angry storm.

There was only one person I could talk to, one person I could trust not to break the confidence I was about to entrust. Determined to have this burden lifted, to have someone to finally talk to about Jasper, was a huge weight lifted off my soul.

Picking up my phone, I dialed and waited for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you about something important." My heart plummeted and I was nervous as hell, but I needed to talk to him.

"Sure bro, you coming over or what? You never let me know." He was crunching chips in my ear. I swear, Emmett always had food in his mouth.

"Yeah, I'm heading there now. Can you please make sure there is somewhere private we can talk and I am going to sleep over there." I sped along the street, heading towards his house, my heart beating faster the closer I got.

"Things not work out with your boy?" he asked, still crunching.

"Emmett, it's fucking nasty to listen to you eating. I will talk to you when I get there." I hung up the phone and turned on the stereo. My iPod was docked and I queued the Jasper playlist I had made and hit shuffle.

"Bad" by U2 started to play and I smiled.

_This desperation_

_Separation_

_Condemnation_

_Revelation_

_In temptation_

_Isolation_

_Desolation_

_Let it go_

I sang along to that last part at the top of my lungs, all the words making me think of how I have felt with Jasper.

I pulled into Emmett's driveway and rested my head against the wheel, letting the song play out before grabbing my bag and heading in. Using my key, I unlocked the door and made my way inside.

"Fu-cker?" I yelled into the house. His parents were always gone until the wee hours of the morning on the weekends, so I wasn't worried about waking them.

"Dude, shut the fuck up and get up here." Emmett was at the top of the stairs with the damn bag of chips in his hand. I headed up the stairs, grabbed the chip bag and went into his room.

"Give me my goddamn chips, Edward. I'm hungry, fucker." I rolled my eyes and hid them.

"Emmett, no eating. I need to talk to you about something important. No kidding, no joking, this is serious." My eyes leveled him and he sat on the bed.

"Is anyone else here?" I asked, nervous about being over heard.

"No, Eddie. What the fuck is going on man?" He had a worried look across his features.

"I have to talk to you. I can't keep it to myself anymore. I need you to promise me, Em." I squatted down in front of him and took his hands in mine.

"Please, what I tell you can't leave this room. I need you to give me your word that you will never tell a soul, or really bad things could happen, Em. Promise me!" I was desperate, I needed this, but I needed his word. If he gave me that, I knew he would never repeat it.

"Before I answer that, is it illegal, Edward? Are you hiding a crime? Are you involved in drugs?" He was grasping at straws to make sure that I wasn't asking him to hide a body or something.

"It's not the kind of illegal you are thinking, Em. Yes, there could be fallout of epic proportions if this gets out, but I promise, it is nothing dangerous." My eyes pleaded with him to give me his word so I could let it all out.

He looked at me and squeezed my hands back, "You know I would do anything for you, Edward. Whatever you need me to do, I will be there for you."

I let out a loud sigh and sat back against his desk.

"It's about who I have been seeing, the person I am in love with. We have been through some shit, he has been through things i will never understand and I need some advice."

He looked down at me and asked the dreaded question.

"Who is it, Edward? I know him, don't I?"

I nodded and whispered desperately, "Promise me, Em?"

"I promise, Edward. I won't say a word." He was sincere and I felt the weight lift, finally, as I prepared to say my next words.

"It's Jasper." He looked at me, confused. "You know him better as Mr. Whitlock."

"Oh holy Fuck, Edward!" Emmett gasped.

"No!" He pleaded.

"Yes," I hissed into the silent room.

* * *

**So excited about this you guys..so many slash stories get passed up in the award catergories, so Domward's Mistress has taken it upon herself to create a Slash Awards Contest with lots of delicious categories, thank you so much Dannie!!**

**Please, go vote for your favorites!! The noms are due by 2/28. Give your favorite authors the noms they deserve.**

**www(dot)theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Please, come visit us on the forum and talk about this chapter and what's to come, you never know what I might reveal or help you understand if you ask nicely :-) Link on my profile.**

**Reviewers will get a tease of the next chapter...thank you so much for your continued support of this story. Updates may slow down just a bit, please be patient, real life will always take precedence over this.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Well holy crap…she updated!!! I know I said there was going to be a bigger space in between postings, I never thought it would stretch out this far. I had every intention of posting sooner, but RL kicked my ass and I spent almost two weeks sick, so please forgive me. I'll talk to you more at the bottom.**

**Thank you to OnTheTurningAway…she took time out from her busy schedule before leaving out of town to edit this…she is my girl and I adore her.**

**Disclaimer: I own tickets to see 100 Monkeys in concert (JRath here I come)…SM owns the rest.**

**

* * *

  
**

Chapter 14

JPOV

After Edward walked out the door, I went into my room and threw myself on the bed. I was so fucking exhausted, mentally and physically. Everything was such a nightmare right now, everyday was lived in fear. The fear of the unknown was the worst part. I still didn't know how all this was going to work, how Edward and I were going to work. It would only take one push of a button from Irina's phone to set the wheels in motion for an epic disaster.

It was so selfish of me to keep seeing Edward, his life would change too if we were discovered. He would be put under a microscope, everyone would try to figure out who the person was that I was seeing, and it wouldn't be hard to figure out. He was my everything and I would do whatever it took to keep him safe and protected. They way we have been acting lately was not conducive to that statement, but then, this whole situation was not ideal.

Telling Edward about Felix and Paul was the hardest thing I had done since I left Seattle and all I knew behind me. There were definitely moments of sheer terror when the tale unfolded that I was afraid he'd run screaming and never come back. It was such a heavy burden to lay on the shoulders of a seventeen year old, but I really wanted him to know me, to understand me. He was so desperate to hear those three words and I needed him to understand why I couldn't say them, not yet at least.

There was no denying that I loved Edward. I didn't want to love him, but I did. He made me so fucking happy, all the time. When my mind drifted to Edward, my whole body was at peace and alight with joy. I had forgotten what that felt like, the joy and wonder of love. It was a fantastic feeling.

I wish I had a plan, I wish there was a crystal ball that would tell me what to do and what our future held. I knew things were going to be tough and there was the potential of being downright traumatic if the word got out. My stomach clenched in fear every time I thought about it. I kept telling myself if I truly loved and cared for Edward, I would leave him be until after he graduated. The guilt was eating me from the inside out, but no matter how hard I tried, when he was near me I couldn't stay away from him. My feelings for him were stronger than the need to do the right thing.

When he was gone and I was alone, it wasn't a question or an issue. The right thing to do was cut my ties with Edward, leave him alone and let him graduate. It wasn't that far away and in the grand scheme of forever, a few months was nothing at all. The problem was when I saw him, he was already so intertwined in my soul and I needed to be with him. My hands ached to hold him, my ears longed to hear his voice and my heart needed to love him. I really needed to be a fucking grown up and just quit the whole situation. Why was it so fucking hard? I needed to talk to someone and I knew who that someone was. Kate.

The thought of having a conversation with Kate about Edward sent waves of terror shooting through my veins. She was the only family I had and I was terrified to lose not only her and her family, but Edward as well in the end. When it all came down to it, I still didn't know if he could handle being in a relationship with someone as emotionally fucked up as I was, even when we were allowed to be together. While I would never regret telling him my whole story, I was still wary of his delayed reaction. As far as Kate was concerned, I knew where she stood on the Edward situation, she had made it painfully clear when I was in Texas over winter break. After I talked to her, I may have nothing left.

Lying to Kate was killing me. She loved me, trusted me, gave up our family for me and I felt like a fucking jackass. I couldn't help feeling like she made the wrong choice when she picked me. I felt absolutely worthless, especially after revealing my past to Edward. All the feelings that Felix instilled were brought to the surface and I was disgusted with myself for feeling that way.

I needed to talk to her, needed her advice, but I was terrified to make the call. She had phoned me several times and I had ignored them, terrified that she would hear the deceit in my voice. There was no more avoiding it, I needed to talk to my sister, she didn't deserve the silent treatment. The thing I had to figure out before I made the call was, what would I reveal and what would I keep to myself.

Since tomorrow was Saturday, she would be around and I would just have to grow a pair and make the fucking call. After brushing my teeth, I stripped and climbed into bed, not bothering to set an alarm. Laying there in the dark, all the bits and pieces of my past surrounded me. Thinking back on it all was just too much, it was time to let everything go. The feelings of hate for Felix, of guilt and sorrow over Paul and anger at myself for letting it all happen were tearing me apart from the inside out...just like they always had. Knowing that when the time came, I needed to be whole and healthy for Edward, I decided it was time to see a professional about it all. There, I would at least have an unbiased opinion on the situation and hopefully they could help me start to let go of the emotions that have made me the person I loathe.

My desire was to be the man I was before Felix ever entered the picture. I was happy, carefree, trusting and truly desired to be in love. At that point in my life I was anticipating all the experiences that went into first love and new relationships. The vision of how my life would be once I found true love was nothing like it ended up turning out for me. Looking back, there was not one time I can say I was truly happy with Felix. He never made me feel like I was good enough for him and even from the beginning I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Unfortunately for me, it did more than drop.

There were still times, when I was all alone, that I wish it would have been me instead of Paul. His death still made me feel unworthy to be alive. There were so many things I could have said or done to stop him or to stop Felix, but I stayed silent. The image of Paul's eyes connecting to mine before he pulled the trigger was there almost every time I closed my eyes. The only time I was free from the vision was when I was lying in Edward's arms. It was all so unfair.

Edward was a test of some sort and I had failed not only miserably, but repeatedly. I needed this weekend to refocus, gain strength and put my life into perspective. Everything was so cloudy right now and I needed to clear the haze. Laying back on my pillow, I closed my eyes and let the exhaustion from the past week consume me and I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, I looked around and saw my room filled with light that was streaming in through the blinds. I stretched and looked over at my clock, it was 9:17 AM. Smiling to myself, I was thrilled, I couldn't remember the last time I slept all night or past 6:00 in the morning. My body was tired and finally got some much needed sleep. With the time difference, it was two hours later in Texas, I decided to have some breakfast and coffee then call Kate after her lunch time. Thinking about that brought back all the dread, but I needed to get it done. i was giving myself an ulcer just thinking about it.

When the time came, I sat there, staring at my phone, fearful to hit the speed dial. Finally I picked it up and held it in my hand, pushing myself to take the final step and call her. As if she knew the battle raging between my head and my hands, the screen lit up and Kate's name flashed across it. I stared at it, listening to the ringtone and feeling it vibrate in my hands. When the last ring happened before it would go into voicemail, I moved the slider over and answered, praying that this wouldn't end badly.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Jasper Hale Whitlock, you better have a damn good excuse for ignoring me!" Kate was already yelling, that was not a good sign.

"Katie," I sighed. "I am so fucking sorry."

"_Why_, Jasper? You _never_ do that to me, I was ready to jump on a plane and make sure you were okay."

Rubbing my eyes and dragging my hand through my hair, I decided to just get it all out.

"Well, Kate, I am _not_ okay...pretty far from it actually." The pain in my voice was evident and when I heard her breath catch, I knew she heard it too.

"What's wrong?" she asked anxiously.

"I don't know where to start, Katie. I need to talk to you, need your advice, but I am afraid."

"Afraid of what, Peanut?" I could hear the worry and concern in her voice and I felt like I was about to break heart.

"Of losing you," I whispered.

She gasped and said, "Jasper."

Neither one of us said anything, I was afraid to tell her and she was terrified to hear it.

Finally, in a quite voice, I heard her murmur, "It's him, isn't it? Your student."

Letting out a long, deep breath, I prepared myself for her reaction and answered in one simple word, "Yes".

"Jasper, no...no, no, no, no, no..." she repeated over and over again. "Are you _sleeping_ with him?" she asked.

"Oh, God no!" I exclaimed.

_Did she really think that little of me? Did she really think I would have sex with him?_

"Then what, Jasper? What are you doing if you aren't having sex with him?"

That was the hard part, I didn't really know what to say.

"It isn't black and white, Katie. I don't know what we are doing right now, I just know that I am confused."

"Confused about what?" She was getting impatient with me.

"About everything, how I feel, what I'm doing, why I can't leave him alone, why I need him so much...all of it."

I heard Katie let out a breath, I could see her counting in her head, something she did when was upset.

"Okay Jasper, I have some questions first, before we continue this."

"Questions?" I answered.

"Yes and if you value me at all, you will answer every damn one of them."

I walked over to the couch and leaned back against the cushions.

"Okay Katie," I said when I was ready.

"What is his name, Jasper?"

"Edward."

"Have you had sex with him?"

"No," I snorted. "I _told_ you that."

"Shut up. I get to ask and you get to answer, understand?"

Fuck, she was pissed.

"Yes, Katie, sorry." I mumbled.

"Have you seen him, alone, since you left here?"

"Yes."

"How many times?"

"I don't know, Katie."

"Too many to count? Is that what you are saying?"

"I just didn't count, it could be anywhere from four times on up I guess."

"Have you kissed him?"

"Yes."

"Have you touched him, inappropriately?"

"Fuck you, Katie. You are making me sound like a child molester. If he wasn't my student, none of this would be an issue. He is seventeen for fuck's sake. Seventeen! In the vast world out there, there is nothing wrong with our age difference."

I was seething, her questions were none of her goddamn business and she was pissing me off.

"Do not say fuck you to me, Jasper. It does matter, his age matters. If you can go to jail, it sure as hell fucking matters, asshole."

"Katie, you are making me uncomfortable, don't you understand that? I don't want to know about your sex life, do you really want to hear about mine?"

"You have a sex life? Really? I thought you wer-"

"You know what I mean, Katie!" I interrupted.

"Jasper, answer the damn question. Have you touched him, sexually?"

"Yes," I sighed. "But it wasn't dirty, or raunchy or any of the other things you are thinking."

"Trust me, you don't want to know what I am thinking," she replied sarcastically.

"It isn't what you think, Kate. I love him."

"You _love_ him?" she snorted. "How can you love him when you barely know him. That is fucking ridiculous, he is a child."

I was in a rage, for her to discount the way I felt for Edward was judgmental and unfair.

"You have no _idea_ what I feel, Kate. My body senses when he is in the room with me, we have a connection you only read about. He has the most wonderful soul and I love him. I love him! I am in love with him and I will do everything in my power to figure out how to make this work. We will be together, down the road and hopefully for the rest of our lives, so you better fucking get used to it."

"You loved Felix too, and look where that got you. I can't lose you again, Jasper. I feel like I just got you back, you are finally my little brother again and not some skinny, scared little kitten."

"Katie, you can't compare the two. Edward is _not_ Felix. He never could be, he is kind and wonderful and loving and caring."

Oh, Jasper, I don't mean to imply he might be like Felix, but the thing is, this whole situation has the potential to break you too."

"What you can't see Katie is that he has been good for me, made me step back and look at myself. He has shown me that I am worthy of love, no matter what happened in the past. His heart is big and full of love, for me. I don't deserve it, especially after everything with Felix, but he gives it to me freely. It is the most precious gift in the world."

I took a deep breath before going on, "I never wanted this, Kate. I didn't want to fall in love again and I certainly didn't want it to be with one of my students, but I will not throw it away."

Kate stayed silent on the other end.

"Katie, what do you want from me? I was wrong, I admit it. I know this is wrong, seeing him alone, but I will not apologize for falling in love with him."

"Jasper! Do you hear yourself? You know it's wrong but? I can't listen to this, you trying to justify why I should accept this. I won't. You have to decide Jasper, what is more important, because I will not stand by you and watch you fall. I will not expose my children or my family to this. There is no part of me that will ever accept this is right, no matter what you feel. You need to let him go, cut your ties and wait until he graduates."

"That's what I want, Kate, to wait until he graduates and be with him."

"Really? That's what you want? Then why have you had your mouth and hands anywhere near him before that?"

I sighed, trying to control the emotion that was raging inside of me. I was fucking terrified to lose my sister and equally as scared to be without Edward. I was so confused, I didn't know what to do. She was the only person I could talk to about it all and I needed her. I needed her to understand and tell me what to do, to not pass judgment until i got it all out. I wanted to tell her about Irina and her threats. I just fucking needed my sister.

"I didn't mean to, but when he is there, I am powerless to stop myself. I am drawn to him like a magnet and I lose all sense of reason when he is near."

"That is such bullshit, Jasper. You know what the right thing to do is and having your mouth anywhere near his penis does not fall into that category and we both know you have done that."

"God, Kate!" I huffed. "Why do you have to bring that up? I need you to be calm and understanding, I need your help, I am nervous and scared, please!"

"Jasper, before we continue I need you to promise me two things."

"What, Katie?" I answered apprehensively, having no idea what she was going to ask of me.

"I want you to promise me that you have not had sex with him. I know you told me, but please, I need you to promise me, Peanut."

"I haven't lied to you, Kate. I have not had sex with Edward and do not plan to anytime in the near future."

She sighed, "Well that's one thing I guess."

"What's the other, Katie?"

"I want you to promise me, right now, that from this point on you will not see him outside of school and while you are in school, you will only act as his teacher, nothing else. Can you promise me that, Jasper?"

My stomach plummeted to my feet and my breath caught in my throat.

_How in the world could I promise something like that? I couldn't, it would be a lie._

"Katie, please, don't make me promise something that I don't know if I can do."

I heard her soft cries through the phone, it was breaking my heart.

"Jasper," she whispered. "Why can't you? I don't understand. I thought we were important to you, are you making your choice here?"

I could hear the pain and sorrow in her voice and it was seeping into my soul and making my heart clench tightly.

"Don't make me choose, Kate, please." I begged of her.

"Don't make me be disloyal to who I am, Jasper. I would be living a lie if I acted like I was okay and would stand by you in all of this. I can't and I won't, please don't ask that of me."

My voice was breaking as I plead with my sister, "Katie, please don't do this, please don't give up on me. I need you know more than ever, I can't do this alone."

"I'm sorry, Peanut, I really am, but I can't be what you need right now, I think it's best if we don't speak for the time being. It would be best for all of us."

"Kate, no..."

"Also, don't come for spring break. I don't want you here."

My heart was beating furiously in my chest, my palms were sweating and it felt like my world was falling apart.

"Katie! Please..." I cried.

"I love you...Peanut...I hope it's worth it, that he's worth it." At that last word, I heard the soft click of the telephone as she hung up.

I dropped my phone from my hand and sat there in shock, not knowing what to do next. I couldn't believe it, this couldn't be real. How was I going to exist in a world without her? She had been my lifeline for so long, always been there, never let me drown and now she was gone. I _was_ truly alone in the world. The shock of that statement paralyzed me. It made me question every decision I had made up until that point and wonder where I had gone wrong. Why was I being punished? Was my father right after all?

Sitting there by myself, the possible answers to those questions were floating all around me and slowly tearing at the last of the strength I had left. There was no way I could make it without Kate. How in the world could I go without seeing the bright, smiling faces of my nieces? Kate had done so much and given up so much for me and I fucked it all up. She deserved better than me but I was the only brother she had. There was only one way to make it right, to fix it with her.

I was going to have to give up Edward.

_Oh holy fuck, why?_

When I was alone and Edward wasn't there, that decision didn't seem so devastating. It's not like it was forever, and there was no guarantee he was mine anyways. We had never made this thing official, that in itself was impossible to do. If we put a label on us, we were only setting ourselves up for more fallout if it ever came to light. I needed to do this, for me, for Edward and for Kate. It was going to kill me and I prayed he would understand, things were going to have to be put on hold until the end of May.

_Then what?_

After graduation, I wanted to move to wherever Edward went to school. That was a decision I had already made, I just couldn't be too far away from him. I needed to be where he was, I would find a teaching job at a local high school, hell, I could even get a job as a substitute and try to go back for my Master's. These were all things I really needed to talk to Edward about and have in place before graduation ever came around.

_What if he doesn't want you to come with him? _

That was something that plagued my mind constantly. What if Edward didn't want me to go with him? What if he wanted to experience college life without a significant other around, especially one that was a bit older than his college peers? What if he wanted to do all the things kids seemed to do nowadays in college? He would be very well within his rights to tell me he wanted to experience parties, drinking, clubbing or even the random hook-up and how in the world could he do that with me in the picture? He told me over and over again that it was me he wanted, me he loved and desired to spend forever with. He was so young, had so much yet to experience, how could he possibly really know what he wanted forever at seventeen? He had the power to destroy the delicate balance of my heart and that scared me.

_What if staying away from him for now leads him into the arms of someone else, namely Jacob Black?_

The thought of Edward in someone else's arms made me sick to my stomach. He was _mine, _my heart was his. I couldn't see him throwing something like that away, especially after what we had been through, all that we had shared. I still had no clue how he really felt about everything with Felix and Paul. A story like that took awhile to sink in, it might make him run straight into Jacob's arms, I had no clue. To me it was no secret that those two were a little overly flirtatious, Edward said it was just how he is, but it still bothered me. Even amongst the people that I considered my friends back in Seattle, never once did I openly flirt and carry on, but then, it might be an Edward thing. I didn't trust Jacob one bit and the fact that he didn't know Edward was possibly taken made it worse. I would just have to hold out hope that Edward meant what he said when they were just friends.

_How in the world could I stay away and still figure all this out?_

There was no way, it wasn't possible. We were going to have to talk, we were going to have to figure out what we both wanted out of a relationship and in the impending future. He was a senior, he had decisions to make, they may already _be_ made. I just hoped the path he chose for his future would now include me, because if Kate was giving up on me, he would truly be all that I had. This was all so overwhelming, the dark cloud looming over my head grew exponentially and continued to get bigger with each day that passed. There was no easy answer, no door I could open that would steer me the right way. This was going to have to be decided together, by both of us. We were going to have to be grown ups about it and I was going to have to keep my hands off of him. It was the right thing to do.

_What was my life going to be like without Kate in it?_

My life wouldn't work without her. That was a fact. I needed her, and she was upset with me. I was going to give her a few days to cool off, hopefully when she calmed down she would begin to see that she couldn't live without me either. We were a unit, the Whitlocks that stood together and pledged to love one another no matter who they chose to love. Those were her exact words to me when she picked me over mom and dad. She would always love me and stand by me no matter what, I only hoped that she reflected over the next few days and remembered that. If the roles were reversed I hoped I would do the same for her.

I spent the rest of the day in a haze, my mind wandering back and forth between Edward and Kate. I was so anxious to see Edward, I wanted to know how he was taking everything, if he was okay, if he still felt the same way about me. I knew he went to spend the night at his friend Emmett's last night. I hope they had fun, even if I was slightly jealous that Emmett got to see him and I didn't. There was so much I needed to say to him, so many things we needed to talk about.

_Why couldn't this have been easy? Didn't I deserve a break in life?_

When the day drew to a close, I was no closer to mending things with Kate or knowing where I truly stood with Edward. It was an awful feeling and a hard place to be. Knowing that unless I called either one of them, things were not going to begin to resolve, I opted to drink a glass of wine and go to bed. Tomorrow I would decide what to do about Edward, Kate was going to take some time. I crawled into bed and closed my eyes, letting myself be surrounded by thoughts of a life with Edward.

I was up bright and early on Sunday and went out for a jog, had coffee, read the paper in a little cafe' and read in the park until the early afternoon. I was attempting to clear my head and try to free myself from the demons of the last few days. It wasn't easy to bury Felix and Paul back into the far corners of my mind, but it was certainly helping. When I finally made my way home, I decided it was time to think about Edward and what to do.

We needed to talk, but where? What would I say? I couldn't very well ask him if he thought about where he wanted us to move when he went to college. I needed him to be the one to offer for us to go together. I would never put him in the awkward position of telling me he wanted to go alone. I almost wondered if I should give him the first year alone at college, to make sure this was what he really wanted. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that even if it hurt me, it was going to be the best thing in the long run.

Edward needed this chance to grow, to mature beyond high school. He had to see that there was a world outside of Forks, where kids came from different backgrounds, believed different things and all brought their own bit of light into this dark world. He needed to be in a place where there was more than one gay male for him to choose from. As much as it was tearing me apart to think about it, I had to do this. I had to do this for him, for Kate and for myself.

Edward really deserved the chance to truly be free when he went off for the first time on his own. He needed to make his own decisions and learn from his mistakes. College was a place he had never been, a world he had never experienced and he needed to do that on his own. It was important and after he was done, I would hope and pray that what he really wanted in his life was me. That would be the point when I would pack it all up and go with him, I needed him to live his life on his own for a year and then tell me he was ready for all this.

Telling him was going to break me, especially if he didn't even fight me on it, but it had to be done.

Knowing that tomorrow was going to be hard on me, seeing him and Irina, I opted to eat an early dinner and go to bed. My heart ached as I laid there in the dark. It hurt for Kate and the girls and it throbbed painfully at the thought of not seeing Edward for a year. A year of not knowing what he was doing, who he was kissing, who he was touching. The thought that in that one year he might find himself in love with another, making love with another brought instant tears to my eyes, but I had to do this. It was the best thing for all of us, I only hoped my heart survived in the process.

Waking up Monday, my head was throbbing and I was exhausted from not getting enough sleep. From the confession to Edward about Felix, to my conversation with Kate, to deciding to be away from him was all too much for my mind to wrap around and I couldn't calm my racing thoughts. I tossed and turned all night and when I looked in the mirror, I could tell. My eyes had dark smudges underneath and my face looked drawn and haggard. I looked like I had been on a week long drinking binge and there was nothing I could do about it.

When I walked into my classroom, Irina was in there waiting for me.

_Fuck! Already?_

She was sitting in my chair, writing something on my legal pad. Her head lifted when she heard me walk in and a smirk lifted one side of her atrocious mouth.

"Mr. Whitlock, just the man I wanted to see." She turned to face me and made a show up adjusting her skirt, trying to give me a glimpse underneath.

_Was she really trying to show me her fucking panties, stupid slut._

"What the hell do you want, Ms. Denali?" I asked, my voice cold and uninviting.

"Is that any way to talk to your girlfriend, honey?" She asked, standing up and walking towards me seductively.

_Oh lord, I am going to fucking puke on her if she doesn't quit._

_"_You are not nor will you ever be my girlfriend. You need to stop calling yourself that."

"Listen here, Mr. Whitlock, whether you want to admit it or not, I have you by the balls, I can call you whatever I want and you best start acting like it or I will leak the picture quicker than you can blink." Her eyes glittered menacingly as she stared me down.

"I will not call you my girlfriend, Irina, I don't care what you do. I can't imagine that you would do something so awful to one of your daughter's peers, imagine if she were the one in the photograph. How can you do this to the poor boy?" I was seething by the time I was finished. This was not a good day for her to get on my last nerve.

Irina walked up to me, pressed her body against mine and whispered, "But she's not, is she? He is."

I pushed her away, "Get the hell out of my classroom, now." I sneered.

"This isn't over, we need to talk," she called out as she walked out of the door.

My stomach was turning over and over and I looked down at the legal pad. There was her address, telephone number and instructions to be there Friday night at 7PM.

_No fucking way!_

I went through my day like a robot. I was exhausted, nervous about seeing Edward and revolted by Irina. When lunchtime came around, I locked myself in my classroom and laid my head down and slept. My phone alarm went off _way_ too soon. I got up, unlocked the door and prepared to see my afternoon students, namely Edward.

When the time came for Edward's class, I kept my head down, ready to feel that humming in my body when he was near. I knew the precise moment he walked in, the calm he always brought with him washed over me and I was at peace for the first time that day. Then, I heard them and I clenched my fists.

"Whatever, Eddie," Jacob's voice echoed. "You want me, admit it and ask me to the dance."

Edward chuckled, "Jacob, I am not going to the dance. I don't do dances."

I watched from under my lashes as Jacob grabbed Edward's hand. "Come on, you want me to ask you, is that it?"

My heart was beating frantically as I watched the exchange, each beat painful in my constricted chest.

"Jacob, I am not going, no matter who does the asking," Edward said emphatically as he let go of Jacob's hand.

Jacob hugged him from behind, "Please, I'm new here, please? I'll make it fun for you, I promise."

Edward's eyes flashed up to mine as he pushed Jacob off of him, then he answered, "Fine, Jacob. I'll go to the dance with you, but I won't promise to actually dance."

Now I really felt sick, why did he say yes?

_Because you idiot, Jacob can go, you can't. _

The thought of the two of them dancing together was a sight I didn't think I could handle, but knew I had to see, had to be there. I wanted to make sure it was innocent, not that I thought Edward was lying about Jacob, but I was still insecure. I was going to have to make sure I chaperoned that fucking dance and I needed to have words with Edward.

He refused to meet my eyes the rest of class and when the bell rang, he got up and left, like I was nothing. He usually at least acknowledged that I was there, even if it was a simple tip of his head.

Something was going on and I was scared to find out what.

I sat down at my desk, trying to calm down, deciding when I should try to talk to Edward. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, my classroom door flew open and I was met with the furious stare of Emmett McCarty. He closed the door, locked it and stood there vibrating with anger.

"You and I need to have a talk, Mr. Whitlock, about Edward."

_Oh fuck!_

_

* * *

  
_

**A/N: First of all…next chapter is Edward and Emmett's talk…and it is started, so update won't be so long…I promise.**

**PSMW was nominated in two categories in the Slash Awards…thank you to all who nominated it…please go place your votes at :**

**www(dot)theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**In case you didn't know…I am also currently doing a fun and totally fluffy journal for 40 days called Rediscovering What Matters…it is E/J and sweet and angst free. Everyone has fallen in love with Journalward…check it out if you haven't done so yet…you will love him too.**

**Reviewers get a tease of the next chapter…thank you again for your patience and understanding…**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you so much for your patience, things were out of my control, really…please see note at the bottom.**

**Thanks to OnTheTurningAway for taking time out from her busy schedule of working and packing to get this turned around ASAP…she rocks my world and I get to finally meet her on Friday so to say I am excited would be an understatement.**

**Disclaimer: I own tickets to see 100 Monkeys…SM owns the rest.**

**

* * *

  
**

EPOV

"Who is it, Edward? I know him, don't I?"

I nodded and whispered desperately, "Promise me, Em?"

"I promise, Edward. I won't say a word." He was sincere and I felt the weight lift, finally, as I prepared to say my next words.

"It's Jasper." He looked at me, confused. "You know him better as Mr. Whitlock."

"Oh holy Fuck, Edward!" Emmett gasped.

"No!" He pleaded.

"Yes," I hissed into the silent room.

Emmett sat there, staring at me with his mouth open in shock and his eyes locked on me, looking for any signs of deceit. I didn't say a word, letting the words sink in. He would need a few minutes before he was ready to talk rationally, I knew this from experience. Sitting there waiting was awful. I was fidgeting and chewing on my lip, nervous about the conversation about to take place.

Emmett was the best friend I had, the only one I could trust, and I was terrified at his reaction. He now had the power to bring this down all around us and I hoped and prayed that he wouldn't. I needed him to help me put all of this in perspective, to help me deal with what happened to Jasper and be who he needed me to be. Emmett was the only one I knew who had the insight and compassion to give me sound, and hopefully unbiased, advice.

"When did it start?" Emmett's voice was apprehensive and fearful. He knew that once we started this talk, there was no going back.

"Um, before winter break, like the day before," I said, looking at my shoes, not ready to see the expression on his face.

"Oh, Edward," he sighed. "Was he the one who got you so upset when your mom called?"

"Yes," I murmured. "We kinda had a...um...something happened between us, for the first time. It didn't end well."

Emmett stood up and looked down at me, waiting for me to meet his eyes. Finally, when it was obvious he wasn't going to say anything, I looked up at him. His expression was grim and I could see that he was not at all happy with me.

"Something kinda happened between you? Kinda? Your mom told me about your neck, I think it was more than kinda something. Are you shitting me, Edward?" He belted out in that voice he saved for when he was really pissed.

"No, Emmett, I'm not shitting you." I rolled my eyes and looked away.

"Look at me you little fucker, don't roll your eyes at me." Emmett was glaring at me, clearly upset. "This is not a joking situation, although if you tell me it's all a joke, I won't be pissed."

Sighing, I looked up at him, "Not a joke, dude. I can't even say that I wish it were, because I wouldn't give him up for the world now."

"Edward...did he...are you...fuck!" He started to pace the room, trying hard to get the words out. It was grating on my nerves.

"What? Spit it out, jeez! Ask me, just stop pacing," I told him angrily.

"Are you fucking him?" He yelled. "Is that clear enough for you?"

Emmett walked over to the bed and sat down, waiting for me to answer.

"Are you kidding me, Em? Don't you think you would be the first one to know if I wasn't a virgin anymore?"

"So that's a no?" He asked.

"It's a big no, _hell_ no!" I exclaimed.

God, Edward...what were you thinking? How did it happen? Did he come onto you? Do you know..."

"Enough!" I interrupted. "One question at a time. I'll tell you everything, just slow down."

Emmett leaned back against the headboard, trying to calm down. I waited patiently for him to be ready.

"Can you just start at the beginning and let me interrupt when I have a question? I am going to try to go into this with an open mind, but fuck...not lying when I say I am terrified for you, Edward."

Sitting next to him, I tried to think of the easiest way to tell him how I fell in love with Jasper.

"I felt something, the first time I saw him. It was instant, the way I felt about him. I walked into history class on the first day of school and felt like someone punched me right in the gut when my eyes connected with his. I really can't explain it other than I knew he was meant to alter my life in some way."

"Like Rosie," Emmett said softly.

"Yes, like Rose. At first, it was instant attraction, I am not going to lie about that, but things changed. I needed him, Emmett. I needed to touch him, to kiss him, to see if he felt even an quarter of what I felt."

Emmett let out a deep breath next to me.

"Didn't you think that maybe it wasn't a good idea, man? I mean, shit... he's your _teacher_."

"Dude, you have no idea how many times I talked myself out of doing what I did right before winter break, but I had to know. I could always feel his eyes on me and I would catch him watching me too. This relationship is not one-sided."

Emmett snorted out loud. "Are you fucking kidding me, Eddie? Not one sided? No offense to your _'relationship'_," he stressed in air quotes, "but he's how old?"

"Twenty-six," I said in a tight voice. He was starting to piss me off and I was trying to rein in my temper.

"Are you listening to yourself? You are seventeen, Edward. Seventeen!" he emphasized. "Do you really think you are more than a fuck to this guy?" He asked incredulously.

"Fuck you, Emmett!" I yelled, getting off the bed and standing against the wall. "I am not fucking him, I told you that."

"Sorry...a blow job then, or whatever the fuck it is you did to him."

"I love him!" I cried out. "Love, you asshole. This isn't some fling, not something that is going to go away. It is forever."

"Really? Forever?" Emmett asked, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"Does he love you back?"

"Yes," I hissed, angry and insulted that Emmett wasn't even giving our feelings the benefit of the doubt.

"Has he told you that? Maybe while your mouth was around his dick? That would be the opportune time, huh?"

My heart fell to the floor and all my insecurities involving the way Jasper felt about me came rushing to the surface.

"No," I whispered. "He hasn't told me, but I know he does." My voice was clogged with emotion and tears were stinging the backs of my eyes, but I refused to let Emmett see how much this hurt me.

All of the anger left Emmett's body and he looked at me with pity on his face and I didn't fucking need it.

"Don't you fucking look at me like that, Emmett. You have no idea what we feel, what we have shared, what we mean to one another..."

I walked over to where he sat and pushed my finger into his chest, hard.

"No. Fucking. Idea." I walked back over to the wall and glared at him.

"How do you know? That he loves you...how do you know?" Emmett asked, concern lacing his features.

"In the things he does and says, you have to trust me, Em. I know he does, even if he can't say it. He has had some fucked up shit happen to him and that is part of why I had to tell you. I don't know how to handle some of the things he has told me. I need your help."

"I just have a hard time believing a grown man is in love with a high school kid. I'm sorry Edward. I am trying to have an open mind here, but I need a few minutes to wrap my head around what you are saying. All I see in my head is Mary Kay LeTourneu and that kid she had an affair with. I do not want that to be you."

"Emmett, please, there is a huge difference. That kid was eleven or something and it was disgusting and illegal. If he weren't my teacher or if I were a few months older, none of this would even be an issue. Well, not as big of one, anyways."

I walked back over to the bed and sat back down next to him.

"Em?" I murmured. "He loves me, I know he does and there is so much going on, I don't even know where to start...I need your help."

Emmett ran his fingers through his hair in agitated strokes.

"God, Edward, part of me wants to run straight to your parents and tell them to save you from the hell you are putting yourself through over the man. I have seen it first hand...I have been worried about you and if you want me to be honest here...I thought you were fucking around with that Jacob kid or something."

Fear coursed through every nerve in my body, that is the one thing I feared, him ratting me out. I sat and waited anxiously for the rest of it.

"The other part of me wants to be the best friend I know you need and help you in whatever way I can. I am so torn, tell me why my second option is the best option, Edward. Tell me if I help you in this I am not making the wrong choice, that it will not lead you further into the storm that you are drowning in right now."

"He is my forever, my Rose. When I told him that I wanted him in my future, through all that lies ahead, he told me I wasn't the only one who wanted that. He has told me he loves me in the actions he takes, the words he says, even if they aren't those three words."

Leaning back against the pillows, I continued.

"God, Em, you have no idea what he has done for me, to protect me and keep me out of trouble."

"Then tell me, Edward. I don't know anything but what you tell me."

"We met at a coffee shop in Port Angeles, to talk."

"Wow, that wasn't your smartest move, Edward."

"Why was it bad? We were just going to talk."

Emmett scoffed, "Why was it bad? Are you shitting me? You met your teacher, in public, to talk about your relationship. Wouldn't that shit be better handled behind closed doors?"

I felt the fiery heat of embarrassment stain my cheeks as I thought about why we couldn't talk behind closed doors.

"Why are you blushing, Eddie?" he asked.

"Ummm," I stammered. "We have trouble being alone together."

"Oh, dude, enough said. Ugh," he said as his body shuddered. "Really, Edward?"

"You asked, I am trying to be honest."

"You're right, I fucking did, continue."

"Anyway, we met at the coffee shop and Ms. Denali saw us and took a picture with her camera phone."

"Are you shitting me, Edward? She took a fucking picture? What were you doing? Kissing?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "We were sitting at the table talking, but I haven't seen the picture and I overheard her telling Jasper that if he didn't pretend to be her girlfriend, she would tell everyone about us and get him thrown in jail...he fucking agreed to do it and it makes me sick to my stomach."

"What?" Emmett asked, baffled by my statement. "Why would he agree to that? Is he bi or something?"

"No, Emmett, you idiot...he isn't bi. He agreed to it so she wouldn't tell anyone she saw us together, to protect _me_, and I fucking hate it." The disgust at the situation was rolling through me and I felt sick.

"You okay, Eddie?" Emmett asked, looking at me and knowing something was wrong.

"No...I...he...please, Emmett...don't doubt he loves me," I whispered.

"Okay, Edward, you win...I'll help you."

My head snapped up and I looked at my best friend with a grateful expression on my face.

"Oh, thank you, Emmett. You have no idea how much this means to me."

He looked at me closely, a guarded expression on his face. "I didn't say I was happy about it, but you are my best friend, Edward. What do you want me to do?"

"I just want you to be there for me, to be the one I can talk to because I really am in over my head."

"I can try, man...that's all I can promise you. Just remember this one thing, you are the one _I _love and care about and if at any point I feel like you are in danger, I _will _tell your parents."

All of a sudden I felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life telling him, because if he told my parents, I wouldn't be the only casualty. I was petrified, if Jasper knew I had told Emmett about us, he would kill me or break up with me.

_Well, if he dumps you, you may as well be dead._

_NO! You idiot...don't you remember...what he went through._

_Fuck...I am so...arghhhh._

_"_Edward!" Emmett said, loud enough to wake the neighbors. "Where the fuck did you go, man? I was talking and no one was home."

I shook myself out of my daze, "Sorry, Em, I was just thinking."

"Well, listen...dude, about Ms. Denali...I have an idea, but it is going to take some work on your part."

My ears perked up immediately, anxious to hear his idea to get that whore away from my...well...whatever he was to me. Emmett was a genius when it came to certain things and getting his way was one of them.

"Dude...there's the Sweetheart Dance coming up soon, right?"

"Yes," I said, wondering where he was going with this.

"You need to be there, with a date because you can't go to the Sweetheart Dance stag."

"Why do I need to be at the stupid dance and why do I need a date?" I did not want a fucking date to the dance. The only person I wanted to take was Jasper and that was obviously not a possibility.

"Because...Edward...the McCarty household will be hosting the after party of all after parties. There will be booze, tunes, cameras and most importantly...Tanya Denali."

My face lit up into a grin, because now I knew exactly where he was going with this. If we could get some pictures of Tanya drunk and acting like a fool, maybe Ms. Denali would take her claws out of Jasper to save her daughter's reputation.

"Here's the thing, Eddie... I need to know, how much do you love him?" Emmett was looking at me, a serious expression on his face.

"More than anything, why?"

"Because, Edward, if we are going to do this, you are going to have to do some things that I know will make you uncomfortable."

My heart dropped, because this was Emmett talking and it could be nothing or it could be something big and I was almost scared to find out what he wanted.

"Like what?" I asked timidly.

"We need to get Tanya on video doing something that would embarrass her mother if it came out, something that would get her to leave you guys alone."

"You mean like get her drunk and dancing on the tables?" I still wasn't understanding what was so bad, other than the fact that I was going to use Tanya's antics for the sake of Jasper.

"No, Edward..." Emmett paused, looking at me with a wary expression. "It needs to be worse."

His voice was so ominous, I wondered what exactly he wanted us to video her doing and almost felt sick to my stomach. It was not in my nature to use people and that is exactly what I was about to do. I have always heard we do things we wouldn't normally do in the name of love, but I never thought it would be at the sake of another.

"What?" I whispered.

"Edward, honestly...you need to be at that party...you need to flirt with her...you need to get her to do anything to try to win your affections...anything."

_Oh God, he wants me to use the way she feels about me...holy fuck...what does he want me to do?_

"Emmett, I am so lost right now, can you please, spit it out for fuck's sake."

He looked at me, gaging my emotional state before proceeding. He knew me well enough to know that I was getting pissed off and more anxious by the second.

"You need to get her into a..." he paused for a second before continuing, "compromising position."

"I am not getting in bed with Tanya Denali asshole!" I yelled.

Emmett looked at me incredulously, "You think that would be enough, Edward? Or that I would ever tell you to do that?"

Knowing him the way I did, I know he would never ask that of me, but for a second, it was all that I could think about.

"Just listen for a second," he said.

"Okay," I answered, telling him with my eyes to continue.

"I don't know exactly what the situation is going to be, Edward. It will present itself that night. We just have to be prepared and know that you may have to flirt and encourage her already raunchy behavior. You know that bitch smokes out, fucks more than one guy at a time and makes out with chicks when drunk. We need to get her to do one of those things or something worse that night and get it on camera to show her mother. It will be our golden ticket to get you out of the mess you are in."

I sat there, thinking all these crazy thoughts, wondering if it was something I could bring myself to do. She had never offended me in any way other than her over zealous flirting and I felt bad that I was willing to do this to her. My hope would be that I wouldn't have to encourage anything, that she would get herself into the situation and all I would have to do is have Emmett get it on video.

It was such an awful thing to do, but then the sound of Jasper's dejected voice when he agreed to the sham of a relationship with Ms. Denali made Tanya all of a sudden seem like nothing but a small pawn in a much bigger playing field. It was unfortunate, but she needed to be used and then removed.

Jasper was worth it, our love was worth it and we were worth fighting for. He needed me and I needed him so badly. He _was _my future and I would do anything for him, no matter what the cost. I would gladly give up my soul if it meant I got to spend eternity in his arms.

Our future was manifesting itself behind my closed eyes. I could see it all, him waiting for me until graduation and following me to wherever I went to college, teaching at a local school. I saw him sitting in the stands with my parents as I walked the stage to get my Bachelor's degree and my family accepting him and our love. We had a bright and happy future ahead of us, we just needed to get through the rest of this school year. I had faith that we could do it and only be stronger for it.

Opening my eyes I looked into Emmett's and nodded, "Let's do it."

"Good, I will work on the party details and you need to get a date."

"I still don't get why I need a date, Em."

"For a few reasons...first, you can't go to the dance solo, we established that, it just looks ridiculous and pathetic and people will wonder why you are there. You aren't that guy Edward and I want nothing we do to call attention to anything being out of the ordinary. Second, you need to make Tanya jealous and you know she will be jealous of anyone you happen to be there with. Last, you need to let people think that you have an interest in someone so there is no way to call attention to yourself and Mr. Whitlock."

"Em, he will be hurt if he knows I am going to the dance with someone...well, let's be honest here, Jacob. He already loathes him and hates that we are friends and flirt so openly."

"Please," Emmett snorted. "Doesn't he know that you flirt with man and woman alike? Gay or straight you are a natural flirt, Eddie."

"Emmett, we have _so_ much to learn about one another and I have told him. I also told him that I do not want to call attention to ourselves in school, but I know he will still be upset with me and we have spent more time upset with one another than happy. I don't want that, I want the sweet, happy romantic times and not the angry, sad or dark ones."

I took a breath and continued on.

"There have been so many dark times for him and I don't want to bring him anymore. I need to tell him what we are doing."

"Edward, no!" Emmett thundered. "You can't, it will ruin it all. I can tell you now that he won't allow it to happen and then you will still be in the same situation, which will only get worse."

I thought about what Emmett said and realized he was probably right. I couldn't tell Jasper and when he found out about me going to the dance with Jacob, it wasn't going to help our situation at all. After everything he had told me about Felix and Paul, I was afraid to lose his the fragile bonds of trust he had bestowed upon me. When he told me about his past I knew he was letting me into to the darkest parts of his tortured soul and I didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore.

"I know you're right, but there is a little more to the story, to his story. Without betraying every shred of confidence he has in me, just know that his past lover used him, cheated on him and Jasper holds himself responsible for the demise of another in the whole scenario. He is broken and I don't know how to handle all of it, I am overwhelmed with it all."

Emmett peered into my eyes, asking for brutal honesty, "Does he trust you?"

"Yes," I answered. "There is no way he would have told me everything if he didn't."

"Then, Edward, he may be hurt for a minute, but you need to have faith in the trust he has in you. If he truly loves you and trusts you implicitly, he will understand when it is all said and done and we need to do this for the two of you. It is the only way I can see it working out."

Emmett was right, there was no other way to end the Denali situation quickly. The dance was the following weekend and I would need to ask Jacob to be my date. Forks was such a small school that there was no way Jasper wouldn't hear about it. I would wait for him to come to me and hopefully in the mean time I would think of something plausible to say.

"Another thing, Eddie..."

I looked over at Emmett with a wary expression, what else could he possibly have to say?

"You need to try your hardest to not look at him, talk to him or interact with him in anyway while you are at school. The things you have done already are very risky and you are lucky worse hasn't happened. You know I am right."

"Yes," I whispered. "You are. It will be so hard, he says so much to me with his eyes, sometimes more than words can."

"Then that more than solidifies my point, Edward. If his eyes are speaking to you, other people will be able to tell and I do not want anything to happen to you."

"I know, Em...I don't either, for his sake too. This coming week is going to be hell but I will do it for him, I just hope I still have him when this week is all said and done."

My fear was palpable, I had a feeling Jasper was exceptionally fragile after what he revealed to me and this could do real harm to our relationship. I would have to trust in his faith in me, like Emmett said and hope it all went according to plan. Tanya was going down for the sins of her mother, that was one more thing on my already overburdened conscience.

"Em, I am beat, can we get some shut eye?"

"You got it, Ed...but remember, no spooning."

I rolled my eyes, flipped him off and slipped under the covers, falling asleep immediately.

Saturday dawned and the whole day was uneventful. I spent most it at Emmett's, catching up on much needed sleep. Sunday wasn't any better, my hands were dying to dial Jasper and spill everything before tomorrow, but I knew it wasn't a possibility. Everything was going to have to be done under the radar, at least his radar. I focused on getting my mask of indifference in place and prepared to practically ignore the man I loved tomorrow.

Monday morning I woke up to bright sunlight streaming through my windows. I would have preferred the overcast sky to match my demeanor, but instead the gorgeous weather outside was mocking me. Never once did a smile grace my face as I got ready that morning. I needed to be prepared to see Jasper, but keep my feelings totally hidden. Trying not to look at him would be difficult, no worse, it would be torture, but I had to do this for us.

Alice sensed my mood and chose not to say a word on the way to school and for once I was grateful that she didn't push me. When I got to school, I met Emmett by my locker and his expression was as grim as mine. He knew how hard this was going to be for me and I knew seeing Jasper for the first time after what I revealed was going to be difficult for him too. He was now privy to our secret world and although it was not an ideal place for him to be, I for one was glad.

"You okay little E?" he asked.

I sighed, "I've been better, man...but I _am_ ready, I know I can make this happen."

"I have faith in you, Eddie...let's do this."

We parted and went our separate ways. The day was spent avoiding any halls that would lead me straight into Jasper's path. My body was crying out to run to him and to hell with what Emmett said, but my brain was going to win out this time. There was a mission, I was now an active participant and any damage done to Jasper in the interim would be better for us in the long run.

When it finally came to be time for History, I slowly walked towards my classroom, my body getting more and more anxious with each step. My goal was to avoid any contact that would not be conducive to normal student-teacher behavior. I hoped to God I could do it.

"Hey, Edward...wait up," I heard Jacob yell from behind me. My heart started to thunder in my chest, knowing if we walked in talking, it could only help me accomplish what needed to happen. Why was I so apprehensive?

Turning around, I waited for him to catch up. He still made me catch my breath sometimes when I looked at him. He was so good-looking and being around people I found attractive like that made me stammer sometimes. Jacob did _not_ need to know that I thought he was hot, I didn't need any extra flirting on his part, he already did enough.

"Jacob," I said when he walked up to me. "How's it going today?"

"Good, real good now that I found you," he winked at me and nudged me with his shoulder.

I groaned, "Jake...haven't we had this talk?"

"I know, I know...you aren't into me, but...there is a rumor I heard about a dance coming up?"

_Oh god...was he gonna make it that easy for me? Could I actually do this? No!_

I swallowed hard, "I heard the same rumor, Jacob."

"So...you gotta date?" he asked.

"Nope," I answered. It was too real now, there was no way, I couldn't do it to Jasper, we would have to find another way.

"Well then," he said, "it is the perfect time for you to ask me then...I'll make it easy for you, I will say yes." He looked at me, a huge smile lighting up his handsome face and I felt bad that I was about to do what I was. He was trying so hard to be my friend, an overly flirtatious one, but still a friend.

"I am not asking you to the dance, Jacob. I am not going." Emmett was going to kill me, but I would deal with him later.

"Why?" he asked. "You afraid that you won't be able to control your want for me?" he asked with a salacious wink.

I rolled my eyes. He was so ridiculous sometimes.

"Don't worry, Edward, I won't let you kiss me, no matter how hard you try."

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing.

"Don't worry Jacob, there is _no_ danger of that, I _promise_."

We were nearing the class now and my breathing was becoming erratic. My body knew he was in there and I realized this was worse than I ever thought, how was I supposed to ignore him?

"Whatever, Eddie," Jacob said as we entered the room. "You want me, admit it and ask me to the dance."

I laughed nervously as I headed to my desk, "Jacob, I am not going to the dance. I don't do dances."

I felt Jacob reach over and grab my hand, "Come on, you want me to ask you, is that it?"

My heart was pounding, I knew Jasper was watching, I could _feel_ his eyes on me and I was getting slightly nauseous.

"Jacob, I am not going, no matter who does the asking," I said, quickly pulling my hand free from his. There were things that Jasper just didn't need to see. Flirt or not.

I knew if I lifted my eyes, I would meet Jasper's and I willed my body not to do so. I felt Jacob walk up behind me and then his arms wrapped around me as he spoke into my ear.

_Oh God, not good._

"Please, I'm new here, please? I'll make it fun for you, I promise."

My eyes immediately flew up to the front of the room and I met the piercing blue gaze of Jasper's eyes for a brief second before I let them drop again. It only took that moment for me to realize what I had to do, as hard as it was going to be on both of us, I had to do this. Here was to hoping his trust in me was as strong as I hoped.

"Fine, Jacob. I'll go to the dance with you, but I won't promise to actually dance," I told him as I pushed his arms away from me.

"Thanks, Edward, really...you won't regret it, I promise," Jacob said enthusiastically as he took the seat next to mine.

_We'll see about that._

I spent the rest of class in a daze, refusing to even look at Jasper once, knowing that if I did I would get on my hands and knees, pleading for his understanding. The minutes dragged slower than sand passing through an hourglass. Never once did I go back on my agreement with Emmett, my feelings stayed locked up inside of me, completely hidden from the word and Jasper. When the bell rang, I got up and walked out of the classroom, not stopping until I reached my locker.

When I opened it, I leaned against the open door, trying to catch my breath. My heart was pleading with me to run back in there and tell him everything, so he would know why I was going to the dance with Jacob, that I would never purposely make him sit through that conversation when he couldn't do a thing about it. I knew he was confused, he had to be. If the tables were turned _I_ would have been. After a few minutes, I decided that no matter what Emmett said, I had to say _something_ to him so he was reassured. I needed him to know how much I loved him and so I headed back to the classroom, hoping he was still in there.

I walked slowly, shooting a quick text to Alice that I was running a few minutes late, but to wait by the car. All of Emmett's words were replaying in my mind and I knew he was right, this was not at all smart and downright stupid. At that moment, it didn't matter. I just needed a minute to make him understand. I would be careful.

When I got to the room, the door was closed. I reached for the knob and twisted, but the door was locked. I tried one more time, but nothing. Guessing that he already left, I turned to go, my shoulders heavy with disappointment but my body slightly relieved that now Emmett wouldn't be mad at me.

Walking away from the room, I realized that someone was looking out for me and my stupid, idiotic ways. If he had been in there, I might have made a big mistake. When I got to the end of the hall I swore I heard voices coming from his room, but they must have been from somewhere else. I met Alice out at the car, she was more than ready to get out of here and so was I.

On the way home, she finally spoke to me.

You doing okay now?" she asked.

"Yeah," I muttered. "I had a stressful weekend."

"I know, I could tell," she said in a quiet voice. "I'm worried about you, Edward."

I let out a deep breath, "I know you have been and I'm sorry. Things have just been...crazy."

"I try not to push you, but please remember that you have someone to talk to if you need it."

I reached over and grabbed her hand, "I know, Alice and I appreciate it. Things are going to get better, I promise." I gave her hand one final squeeze before letting go.

"I love you, no matter what, always remember that."

"I love you too, Ali...thank you."

We arrived at the house and I went straight to my room, needing to be alone as I replayed over and over again the events in the classroom. My emotions were all over the place and the only thing that was going to make it better was to talk to Jasper, but that wasn't a possibility right now.

_You could always drive over to his house and talk to him..._

_No!_

_Fuck, what do I do?_

_Stay your ass at home, that's what, you fucking dumb ass._

Yep, staying home was definitely the right thing to do. Pulling out my homework, I attempted to get it done and thankfully, I was so distracted that it took until dinner was ready for me to finish. When I walked down to eat with my family, I was surprised to see Emmett sitting at the table.

"Hey man," I said, giving him a confused look. "What's up?"

"Eddie, my man, I stopped by to talk to you and your lovely mother asked me to stay for dinner. You know I can't say no to Mrs. C's cooking." He rubbed his stomach hungrily and my mom blushed. He was such a kiss ass.

"You could have come up and said hi or something," I muttered.

"No way, the food was down here," he said with a big grin.

Normally, he would have called me before coming over, unless I missed it. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled my phone out and there was a text message. It was from, huh? "Yours"...oh god...Jasper. A smile lit up my face when I realized who it was from, even though I knew he was probably pissed at me. My whole body warmed just thinking about him. I quickly opened the text, wondering what he had to say to me.

It said:

_We need to talk, soon, about everything._

I quickly responded back for him to let me know when and where then sat down. My heart was racing at the thought of seeing him and I assumed he wanted to talk about Jacob and the dance. Dinner was uneventful save for Emmett's own version of Comedy Central, but I was too distracted to notice. My thoughts were on Jasper. When we were finished and I had rinsed out my plate, I went to the backyard with Emmett, turned on the heater and laid in a chair.

"Edward, I need to tell you something," Emmett said in a serious, no nonsense voice.

"What's going on, Em?" I asked, wondering what was bugging him. "Oh! By the way, I'm going to the dance with Jacob."

"Oh, good," he said unenthusiastically. Now I was really confused, I thought he would have been happier.

"Em?"

"You are gonna be mad at me, Champ. Really mad." He looked out into the distance at the night sky and I wondered what was going on.

"Can you just tell me please?" I said in a frustrated voice.

"Edward...fuck...I...dammit, don't be too pissed, okay?"

"Emmet! Fucking tell me...now!" I exclaimed loudly.

"I talked to Mr. Whitlock...about you," he whispered.

Shock consumed me and ice flowed through my veins, freezing me in place. All of my fears burst forth to the forefront of my mind and I knew I was now truly in danger of losing Jasper. He trusted me implicitly and Emmett made me a promise. His word meant nothing to me from this day forward, my trust in him was broken.

_Oh my god, oh my god...fuck...oh shit...no...no...no!_

"You did what?" I rasped.

"Edward, I am so sorry..." he said quietly. He sounded full of remorse and sorrow and the friend in me wanted to tell him it was all going to be okay, but right then, there was no fucking way that I could.

"Oh my god, Emmett...oh fuck...what were you thinking?"

My world was caving in on me and now I knew why he wanted to talk. At that moment I felt the vibrating in my pocket of my phone and I was terrified to look. If he sent a time to meet, I knew it quite possibly could be our last. He was not going to take well to me telling someone else and I feared his reaction.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, you have believe me..."

"Goddammit!" I interrupted.

"Edward, please...listen, it isn't as bad as you think." Emmett pleaded with me and I was not listening. I felt betrayed by my own best friend and now I really felt like I had no one to turn to. It was an awful feeling.

"Please, just leave," I told him.

"Edward...he knows...listen to me...that I am on your side," Emmett said, trying to get me to look at him. It was no use, I was pissed off and seething. His words were not getting through to me. My mind was on lock down and all I could hear inside my head was the fact that Emmett and Jasper had a conversation...about me. Emmett needed to get the fuck out of here, I needed to see Jasper and try to fix the mess.

"Would you fucking leave!" I said loudly, turning the full power of my fury on him. I reached out and shoved him in the chest. "Now!"

Emmett was starting to get angry, I could see it in the tense set of his jaw, but I didn't give a shit. He fucking lied to me, after everything, it was his fault if I lost it all and right then, I fucking hated him for it. How could he tell him without talking to me first? Was anybody worth counting on anymore?

"Listen you little fucker," he said. "Everything I have done, has been for you...so go talk to your boyfriend...he'll tell you. The only reason I am not beating the shit out of you right now is because you are upset, but know that after you talk to him and see it's all gonna be okay...Sorry isn't gonna cut it...asshole."

Emmett gave me a small shove and walked out the side gate, leaving me standing there, still nervous to look at my phone. I was such a dick. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine for opening my goddamn mouth. Deciding not to prolong the agony, I pulled out the phone and read his message.

_Meet me at Olympic Park...as soon as you can._

_Text when you are near and I will tell you where to go..._

_Don't worry,_

_Y_

I felt slightly better after reading the last line, but still, I had told someone about us. Nervous as fuck but needing to get it done before I exploded, I went inside and told my mom I needed to go talk to Emmett and I headed for the park.

* * *

**A/N:** **Okay…need to address a few things please and if you already read this in the Honeymoon chapter, sorry…but read after please…there is more!!**

**Real life has kicked my ass of late, if you follow me on Twitter, you know my child was very sick for nearly three weeks…he is and always will be my priority over writing…ALWAYS. I make no apologies for the wait when he is involved. It is never my intention to go this long, but it happens.**

**The next chapter is in the works and hopefully a healthy house will keep us on track…2-3 weeks to next post.**

**Everything's Bigger in Texas awards voting is still open, link on my profile, PSMW is up for an award in the Professor Jasper gives an A category. Please go vote if you feel so inclined.**

**I will be doing Fandom Gives Back this year, info will be on my profile as it becomes available, but keep that in mind if you want an outtake from this or any other story I have written, future or past…Also will be auctioning a one-shot of your choosing…any slash pairing, human or vamp, your prompt…so if you have a story you wish someone would write, keep that in mind.**

**Recs: I started reading two stories that own me and if you are not reading them…you need to!!**

**Say Something Else by vampireisthenewblack is so good and is not that far in…please, go read it!**

**Tracking Redemption by shoefreak37 is so amazing and it is complete…not that long so go check it out.**

**Reviews really do make me smile, laugh and cry all at once. Reviewers will get a tease of Jasper and Emmett's talk and if you guys can help get this baby to 1000 reviews, I will write another outtake, smut filled of course…**

**Thank you for your wonderful words and patience…they mean the world to me.**

**Robyn**


End file.
